November 9, 1999

We're finally getting to that time of year where the rivalries become really intense, the fans start getting totally blitzed, and the sheep in many college towns start getting nervous. My word, I thought if Western Virginia had pulled the upset in that in-state rivalry with Virginia Technopolio Institute (VTI), there wouldn't have been a safe spot for a lamb in Morgantown. Thankfully the Cavs pulled it out and saved the entire state from a thorough embarrassment.

There were some big doings in the deep and not so deep South. Florida held on to beat the Vanderbilt Commodes (I thought it was Peterbilt who made those) to maintain their lead in the SEC. Visor Boy seems to be slipping, he used to beat Vandy by 50 or so every time, now he's barely getting by worst program in the league (at least before Lou came back to coaching).

Tennessee played Lou's old Notre Dame team, in front of the usual Knoxville crowd of 300,000 teeth. I don't quite get what Bob Davis is doing with that team of his. Running on third and goal from the 9, fake field goals, running the option on punts? It seems that the trick play is making a comeback, at least in South Bend.

The trick play actually got its start back in the 1930's. Before then coaches played straight ahead football, none of this fancy fakery stuff. They'd just line up, hand it to their biggest back, and hope the linemen would make a hole for the back. Every so often some wise guy like Knute Rockne would throw it to the team's fastest receiver, but that's about as deceptive as they'd get.

Then came the famous Lafayette vs. Columbia game of 1936. Lafayette came in that season undefeated, but Columbia was a pretty good squad, with only one loss on their slate. So fans crowded in for the best of Depression-era football. I can remember listening to the game on my crystal radio set. I thought my radio had broken, but Ma gave me some of her magic juice and I poured it on the radio, then I drank some of it because it smelled really nice, like peppermint, and pretty soon I was hearing the game in my head even before I turned on the radio.

Pretty soon I started getting sick, and ended up in the bathroom with an upset tummy, so I missed most of the game. But I remember reading about it while locked away in the "Pittsburgh Child Alcoholic Sanitarium" the next five months and thought I'd share the story with you.

Lafayette took a quick 6-0 lead, but Columbia came back with a touchdown and a field goal and led 10-6 early in the third quarter. The game went back and forth after that, but neither team was able to move the ball that well. Lafayette took over on its own 30 with about 2 minutes to go, still trailing 10-6.

Lafayette's offensive line was outstanding, led by a young man who played center, Valeri Malenkov. Valeri was a refugee from the bad old Soviet Union, he came over at age 10, and he was one tough comrade. He had to fight all the commissars in the USSU, then he had to fight all the kids at school in America because he had a girl's name, Valeri. It probably didn't help that he dotted the "i" in Valeri with a little heart sign, just like all the girls used to do. Personally, I used to draw a little slug crawling out of the "o" in "Beeno". That got me another 5 months in the sanitarium.

Anyway, Lafayette was a little over midfield, with about 40 seconds to go, when the key moment of the game occurred. Valeri tried to snap the ball back to the quarterback for a desperation pass play. Unfortunately (or fortunately, as things turned out), he dropped the ball. Then he accidentally kicked it and the ball bounced up and, unbeknownst to Valeri at the time, it lodged over his hip pad underneath his jersey. He thought the ball had been snapped and started running down field looking for people to block.

The QB was totally confused by the play and didn't know where the ball was and he wasn't alone. The other 20 guys on the field, from both teams, had no idea where the ball was.

Valeri ran downfield, then suddenly noticed the ball on his hip. He pulled it from under his jersey, tucked it under his arm, and ran into the end zone for the game winning touchdown.

Lafayette immediately added this particular trick play to their offensive repertoire and the use of the trick play spread very quickly. The rest of Malenkov's career, whenever the Lafayette coach wanted a re-run of the first-ever trick play, he'd yell out "FUMBLE, RUSSKIE!!!" Thus the "fumble-rooskie" was born.

See next Beeno post