2000 Week 11
November 7, 2000
I could certainly talk about all the little events that went on last weekend in college football. You know, things like that last-minute 3-pointer that Michigan couldn't make against Northwestern (why shoot from so far behind the arc?). And TCU seeing their BS chances going up in smoke against San Jose State. And let's not forget that whipping that Bobby laid on his son last Saturday night, I bet that brought back some youthful bad tool shed memories for Tommy. All those were part of the patchwork that is college football.
But today is a good day to talk about other matters. After all, there are some things that are more important than the results of a college football game.
November is the month when many of us go to the polls and make the most important choice we can all make. The eyes of the world are on us as we make our choice, there are exit polls, surveys, campaigning, and so forth. And it all comes to a head right about now.
I'm speaking, of course, about the election. This year's campaign has been one of the closest and most intense in history, with lots of back and forth between candidates, lots of promotional materials, and so forth.
Yes, I know we're all fired up about the Heisman Trophy balloting.
This year we've seen any number of candidates, ranging from Oklahoma's Josh Heupel to FSU quarterback Chris Weinke, who is the first Heisman candidate old enough to also run for President.
This year, with so many good candidates, things have gotten pretty down and dirty. In the past schools limited themselves to sending out cute little promotional brochures or items that tied in to the player's name. For instance, Ohio State once sent out pancakes, apparently in honor of lineman Orlando Pace's favorite food.
This year Purdue took this a step further, actually sending out some of Dru Breeze's porn flicks to the voters. I would like to thank Purdue for that, I learned a lot about the animal kingdom that I've never seen on the Discovery Channel.
But the latest breakthrough is advertising. Yes, some schools are so gung-ho to promote their candidate that they actually are running ads on various sports shows, to try to reach the Heisman electorate.
For instance, Oklahoma has a very touching up close and personal ad with QB Heupel, showing him at home with his 8 siblings, then a soft-focus shot of him quietly contemplating his future while seated out on the center of the OU campus. This ad shot Heupel up 10 points in the Heisman polls.
Unfortunately, these nice positive ads aren't the only ones running. Over the past few years we've seen a major increase in attack ads against various Heisman candidates.
In fact, in 1997 the Peyton Manning campaign ran the following commercial against Marshall receiver Randy Moss:
[voice over as film clip of Moss leaping an Army defender is shown]: "Randy Moss. Quite the Heisman candidate, right?"
[clip from pro-Randy Moss ad, with Randy saying "I'm really looking forward to having a shot at the Heisman, sir"] "Randy sure looks and sounds like a fine young man."
[still photo of Moss with scowl on his face] "But here's what they're not showing you".
[scene of player, shot from behind, in Marshall jersey shoving an old lady in front of a street car, followed by a scene of a player in a Marshall helmet lighting up a marijuana cigarette, then a behind shot of a player in a Marshall helmet opening up a trench coat and frightening several children, underneath each shot is the word "SIMULATION"] "Could it be that THIS is the real Randy Moss".
"We don't need people like Randy Moss winning the Heisman. Please call Randy and let him know what you think about his antics. Dial 702-555-4848. Paid for by Manning for Heisman Committee, New Orleans, LA".
The ad worked, Randy Moss went from the frontrunner to 4th place, but Manning should have saved some of his fire for Charles Woodson who, of course, won the trophy that year.
The negative ads have led to some candidates trying to "inoculate" themselves from such ads. For instance, Miami's Santana Moss has been running ads where a prominent geneologist shows his family tree and states "Santana Moss is not related to Randy Moss or that old bald guy Carlos Santana."
Others try humor. Indiana quarterback Tony L. Randall Jr. has an ad where he's repeatedly mistaken for the aforementioned Dru Breeze, with much embarrassment for both players, especially when Tony gets pile-driven into the ground by his own teammates who think he's the Purdue signal-caller.
But, in the end, the most important thing isn't the clever ads. It's the quality of the hootch that the various schools send us voters before we fill out the ballots. I know I'm sitting back with a 12-pack, I just got some Keystone Light from JoePa yesterday. And I have to say that I'm starting to lean toward Rashard Casey.