2002 Week 6
October 3, 2002
Each week ESPN has me do a moderated chat session with many of you college football fans from around the country.
For some reason this week the moderator kept on changing my answers to the questions. In fact, I started looking back at past chats and lots of times the answers I gave weren't included.
For instance, a month ago one reader asked "Beeno, who do you think will win the Miami vs. Florida game?" I responded with what I thought was a very interesting history of college football in Florida, going back to Suwanee College in the 1890's.
When I checked the chat "wrap", the moderator had limited my response to one word: "Miami". This happened on a number of occasions and it really irks me to see that ESPN isn't using my real answers.
So here are my real responses to yesterday's chat questions, not the ones that were substituted by the ESPN moderators.
Todd (Blacksburg): If there are three undefeated teams, say Miami, Oklahoma, and Ohio State are the Buckeyes the odd team out?
Beeno Cook: While they have that weird marijuana leaf mascot, I really wouldn't classify the Buckeyes as "odd". More like "disturbed".
Parker (Knoxville): Tennessee has been so up and down this season with their offensive output, and been devastated by the injuries on the defensive side of the ball. Do They have enough to win the next 3 games against Arkansas, Georgia, and Alabama?
Beeno Cook: I was talking to Johnny the other day and he says that they're having a fine crop of barley this year in Tennessee. I look forward to getting some of that fine sour mash sent up to me.
Rob: With last season's bowl success (best in the nation), and this year's success of Va Tech and Miami, why does the Big East still get little respect in the media? The Big East has always had someone in the title hunt the last 5 years. It is a small conference with respect to number of teams...but when did the Pac-10 battle for the title?
Beeno Cook: The Pac-10 can't battle for the title because the Pac-10 teams are in the Pac-10, not the Big East. Only Big East teams can battle for the Big East title. That's why we have conferences.
Tim (Riverton,KS): Beeno - I am tired of hearing everyone talk about Oklahoma's lack of offense. They are 5th in the country in scoring and have the most impressive win (Alabama) in the Top 5, including Miami's win over Florida. What are your thoughts?
Beeno Cook: My thoughts are that I'm beginning to like Remy Martin a little too much.
Brennan (Atlanta): Beeno, if Holiday doesn't play for the Irish against Stanford this weekend, will that effect them a lot in the outcome of this game?
Beeno Cook: Stanford's an interesting school. They have this odd architecture, every building on that campus looks like it's a Taco Bell. I half-expect them to change their mascot to that little Chihuahua.
Stan (WAZZU): HI BEENO! Will Washington State go to the ROSE-BOWL!
Beeno Cook: I think if they save up their money and charter a flight they can travel anywhere they want to go. Personally I'd recommend Cancun.
Phil (Jacksonville): What is up with Coach Zook's special teams? Does he need a refresher course from Frank Beamer to bring him back up to speed?
Beeno Cook: After having witnessed some of Coach Beamer's "refresher" courses, I wouldn't want to see Coach Zook subjected to that sort of "education".
Phil (State College): Who do you like in the Penn State-Wisconsin clash this week? Are the Badgers for real this year?
Beeno Cook: I talked to one of the zoologists at Pitt and they said there really are badgers out there. I've never seen one myself. I guess they look like beavers without the tail and without those Jerry Lewis teeth. Man, that Jerry Lewis sure looks bloated. I don't know why someone would go on TV looking like that.
Bill (Huntsville): Is Georgia man enough to beat my beloved Tide?
Beeno Cook: I've learned over the years that Tide is very good for removing those difficult stains, particularly sauce stains. But I'm not sure I'd fall in love with a detergent.
Dave (KC): Beeno, who will start more rookies in their next game--the Cornhuskers or the Denver Nuggets?
Beeno Cook: Denver will probably start a rookie given the way my good friend Bob Greasy's kid has been struggling with the hootch.
Chad (Seattle): Hi Beeno, what are your impressions with the Washington Huskies so far this year, and how do you think they will do the rest of the year?
Beeno Cook: Last week my good friend Chris Fowler did his Ricky Neuheisel impression, but he hurt his ankle when he tripped on those platform heels.
Pat (Seattle): Beeno, is Cody Pickett the best QB no one has heard about in the nation?
Beeno Cook: Who's he?
Scott(Columbus,Oh): I would love to put a tuba on your back and have you dot the i for the Michigan game, then maybe you could keep your Powerball ticket and put away your Casablanca video. How's this sound to you?
Beeno Cook: I've always wanted to die while wearing a Michigan helmet, and if I wear one while dotting the "i" in Columbus I may get my wish.
Tony(Denver): What is up with all the big 10 questions?? Let's talk about the real conference in the nation, and that is the BIG 12. Sure some teams are down but others are up. Do you think this is the best conference in the country?
Beeno Cook: I just don't understand why they call it the Big 12 when everyone knows they have 13 teams.
Pete (NYC): Beano -- Is Shane Walton in the ND secondary the best in the country? What do you think of the Walton - Duff tandem?
Beeno Cook: If I was Shane I'd steer clear of the cheap beer. Stick to quality stuff like Rolling Rock.
Brett(Alabama): Do you think Auburn's Cadillac can carry Auburn to the SEC championship and does he have a chance at the Heisman?
Beeno Cook: Auburn's roster has about 100 players, so I don't think they can get to Atlanta in one car.
Joe, Chicago: Beano, can Maurice Clarret win the Heisman?
Beeno Cook: I predict that Marcy Claret will win two Heismans, a Super Bowl MVP trophy, and three Tony Awards.
Cameron(Oxford): Traditionally, FSU whips Clemson in Tally. Do you see Bobby putting a spanking on Tommy tommorrow night?
Beeno Cook: Only if Tommy wets the bed.
Ricky Sixx (Boston): Beeno, who has the best mascot in the country?
Beeno Cook: Lots of good mascots out there. That little doggie Revile at Texas is a fine looking animal, as is that mutant they have at Purdue. And the Miami Duck has a long tradition. But my favorite is the Syracuse Orange Testicle.
LuvBeano: If you were given tickets to any three games each year, which ones would you go to?
Beeno Cook: Notre Dame vs. Southern Cal, Penn State vs. anyone, and Britney Spheres vs. Christina Aguilera.