2008 Week 8
October 23, 2008
For all the hype about these vital mid-October games, there wasn't a whole lot going on in college football.
Nick Satan built a big first half lead on Ole Miss then held on for victory at the end and that was about it for the drama. You gotta hand it to Nick, he knows how to handle the #2 Tide. And Tide knows how to handle #2, it's a great detergent for those awkward moments.
On Saturday Stanford went down to play UCLA and surrendered a late touchdown and lost to the Bruins. I was actually hoping for overtime. With all these weird overtime rules I thinking we might get to see former quarterbacks and current coaches Neuheisel and Harbaugh face off in a passin', drinkin', and whorin' contest.
But the real key to Saturday's Stanford defeat was the fact that they're yet another school which played an ill-advised doubleheader. I watched two nights earlier as Stanford hosted and lost to FSU. I still don't get why the Cardinals put that "N C" on their helmets around the "S", they haven't won a national championship in years (and Eldrick's golf titles don't count). As for FSU, it must have been a happy bus ride back to Fresno.
After the late Pac-8 game on Saturday I called my good friend Lee Corso and told him that Southern Cal had hung 69 on Wazoo. Lee said, "gee, Beeno, I didn't know that act involved the Wazoo." I said, "no, Coach, the game was against Wazoo, in Pullman". "Pull men? I'm booking my flight right now." I don't understand Lee at times.
This was the first week of the BS ratings. Texas was rated #1 then clobbered Big Eight power Missouri to keep the top spot.
There's been a lot of discussion on ESPN and elsewhere about "BS Busters", how that affects who will get to play in the BS Bowels.
Now I actually have a lot of experience with "BS Busters", as I actually was interviewed for an episode of "BS Busters" on that weird Showtime network that never aired.
That tall Penn State guy who sells razor blades is the host of this "BS Busters" program along with this little twerp who never talked until I kicked him in the jimmy. Then he started jumping around and talking up a storm. Don't pretend to be some deaf mute mime around me, I'll give you swelling that would make Kellen Winslow the 2nd jealous.
They put me under hypnosis to recall an incident that happened a few years ago in Pittsburgh. I had had some crappy tasting Metamucil before going to bed. I noticed my room was really bright, as if a light was shining from the outside.
Then there were these three beings who came in, wearing all white, with big eyes. They did not speak, I think they just spoke to each other through mind mold or something like that. That scared me so much I'm embarrassed to admit that I soiled myself, repeatedly.
Suddenly I was raised up in the air from my bed and flipped over. Then this metal device was stuck into my wazoo. It was really cold, almost as cold as the clammy hand of my good friend Brent Musberger. It hurt like heck, but I couldn't move.
After what seemed like forever, the probe was removed.
After telling that tale, I paused to collect myself, it was pretty traumatic. This Penn State guy said "you know, Beeno, I've always been pretty skeptical, but that was one of the most credible stories of alien abductions and anal probes I've ever heard. I think you've opened my mind on this one".
Then I said "wait, I haven't finished. After they took the probe out I was turned over again and the aliens came back in. Then the head alien said 'Mr. Cook, you had four polyps but they're all clean, see you again in two years".
After that the little twerp who hangs out with the Penn State guy came up to me and kicked me in the jimmy. Jerk.