2013 Week 12
November 19, 2013
What a finish at Jordan-Bryant Stadium last Saturday! Whoa nelly, the Auburn Tigers beat Georgia with one of the great tipped pass receptions of all time. The last time I saw a football "Hail Mary" like that John L Smith was praying to win the R Kansas Lotto.
Auburn's opponent looked almost as stunned as my good friend Verne Lundquist. You have to feel bad for UGA, crapping yourself in the final minute. Hopefully someone cleaned up the poor doggie's mess.
As my new good friend Huey Long says, you can't top that southern action. Then he started rambling about some girl at the Statehouse in Baton Rouge and baseballs and exhaust pipes. Huey mumbles so much that I don't understand him at times.
There were some other fine games as well. Kansas had a big intersectional win for beleaguered coach Charles White, knocking off Western Virginia 31-19. The KU fans were so excited that they tore down the goal posts and gave coach White a brief victory ride. I wish the fans a quick recovery from their hospitalization.
#2 rated Florida State painfully crushed the Syracuse Orange Testicles 59-3. The Noles now appear ready for their big showdown against the Idaho Fighting Vendors.
Out West the Trojans knocked off Stanford 20-17 thanks to a late field goal. Coach Ogre has really turned around Southern Cal and I suspect he might have made a great impression on athletic director Hayden Fry.
I was very proud to see that my daughter Beth Cook laid a whipping on some guy named Hampton. You'd think guys would learn not to mess with her, she can use numbchucks with the best of them.
The unbeaten Baylor Bears ran up another huge score, this time on the Rainbow Raiders from Lubbock. Baylor has seized control of the conference race and may be heading to the Cotton Bowel as SWC champ.
Michigan won at Northwestern in triple overtime. Now I'm still confused about these overtime rules and all the non-football related competitions they use to decide games. In one overtime Michigan had to perform a Slip-n-Slide. Then in another overtime the teams had to throw passes to guys with funny names. The refs ruled that "BUTT" was a funnier name than "INTEGRITY" so the Wolverines won.
Personally I hope nobody ever impugns my butt's integrity or else they'll find out what my personal product Beano has been holding back.
We're getting up to some of the big rivalry trophy games, with great clashes this weekend like Cal vs Stanford for the bronze tuba, Wisconsin vs. Minnesota for Paul Bunyan's Ass, Notre Dame vs. Bring 'Em Young for the Golden Undershirt, and the Sam Houston Institute of Technology vs. Florida Undergraduate College for the Acronym Trophy. Talk to you next week!