2014 Week 12
November 18, 2014
We had a wide variety of games last weekend. Some of the games were huge shocking blowouts, like Georgia's 34-7 annihilation of the Auburn Tigers. Others were tense affairs ending in the closing seconds, like TCU's nailbiting win over Charles White's game Kansas squad. And still other were snorefests, such as the University of Texas at San Antonio's 12-10 win over Southern Mississippi.
UTSA's sister school, the University of Texas at Houston, had their own low scoring win over the Stanford Cardinals, 13-10 in overtime. I'm still not quite sure about these overtime rules, but I am at a loss to understand why Stanford kicked a field goal when U.T.A.H. led by 6 points.
Another overtime tussel occurred in South Bend, as the Irish lost a late lead and fell to Northwestern 43-40. Coach B Kelly must have spent his time in math class daydreaming about golden showers because he strangely went for two points when he was up by 11. As Coach Hayes told me right after that play, "you don't go for two, Beeno, you go for THREE!"
The Irish also fell short because they fumbled the ball late in the game with a narrow lead. The same thing happened to Coach Neuheisel's Washington Huskies, as they fumbled the ball away late, enabling Arizona to kick a field goal to win. Coach Hayes was quite vocal about that play too, telling me "players need to keep two hands on the balls" then he reached over between my legs and demonstrated. Let's just say I now know what the pain of childbirth is like.
In the Big Ten, Woody's Buckeyes had a narrow win up at Minnesota, 31-24. But the real story was in Madison, where the Wisconsin Badgers left skid marks all over Nebraska, scoring 56 straight points as Mel Gordon ran for over 400 yards. Speaking of the Cornholio, I haven't seen a cornholin' like that since Coach Corso's wedding night.
Because it's November, we are now enjoying night after night of MAC action. These MAC teams will play just about any night, in any venue, against any team. So Ball State lost to some Catholic school called U-Mass. And new MAC members Akron and East Carolina lost to Buffalo and Cincinnati respectively. They might try playing less challenging opponents than NFL teams.
The South, as usual, was where it was at as far as great excitement. Florida State extended its great winning streak by coming from behind to beat Miami 30-26. I predict Jameis Winston will win two Heismans and a free stay in Marion Illinois.
Elsewhere below the Mason-Dixon line there were some interesting contests. South Carolina knocked off Florida in overtime, leading to the dismissal of Coach Muschamp. I wonder what Coach Superior is up to these days, maybe Visor Boy would like to go home.
Up in Fayetteville the Hogs pulled off a shocker for Southwest Conference pride, shutting out the pride of Baton Rouge 17-0. I'm not saying LSU's offense struggled, but I've seen more scoring at the Tim Tebow Circumcision Camp.
In the biggest game of the day, Nick Satan rebounded from an earlier upset as Alabama upended top rated Mississippi State, 25-20. The Tide has really turned it around after being upset by Ole Southern Miss in Starkville. This should fire up the Tide as they head into their grudge match this week against West Carolina.
That's far from the only fascinating matchup this coming weekend, but there's only one game that really matters: UCLA and USC battling it out for the Cheerleader Bowel. I'll be in my recliner with a bottle of hand lotion cheering on the Song Girls. See you next week!