2014 Week 3
September 17, 2014
One of the nice things about the non-conference seasons are the intersectional matchups. Duke pummeled Charles White's Kansas team, Boston College upset USC, and UCLA pulled out a tight win over Texas.
You've probably seen those ads for those Hopper devices for one of those satellite networks with all those old players going back to college. So I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, after UCLA lost star quarterback Brett Hundley to injury, to see Ricky the Magic Pixie Neuheisel take the field for the Bruins. It worked out pretty well as the Aggies couldn't stop him.
I'm not sure what's next, though I did see the Stormin Mormon Scott Mitchell on some new TV show. Given the title I'm guessing he'll be rejoining the Detroit Lions as part of the biggest loser series.
Speaking of the NFL, I'm a bit confused about all this Thursday night, Sunday night, Tuesday afternoon pro football. It's even spreading to that holy day of Saturday -- I saw that Jacksonville beat San Diego 35-18. And the Bengals beat some expansion team in Toledo, 58-34. There was also some mixing and matching, as Baylor blew out the Bills 63-21.
Boys' State went way out west and beat Yukon 38-21. On the east coast expansion state East Carolina upset Virginia Tech. Archrival UVA upset the St. Louisville Cardinals.
R Kansas won an early Southwest Conference showdown, knocking off Texas Tech 49-21. Iowa State outlasted archrival Iowa to get off to a good start in the Big Ten Losers Division. Penn State beat Rutgers in their first ever matchup in the Big Ten Legions Division.
In the South, Visor Boy stuck his Cocks between the hedges, making UGA yelp. Florida outlasted Kentucky in triple overtime. I still don't understand these overtime rules. Kentucky missed in the field goal challenge phase yet Florida got to run the ball instead of kicking it.
You may have seen an unusual trick play in a game last week. On a punting play during a game against Miami, a player for R Kansas State fell over and pretended to be dead, in the hope of distracting the Miami players on a fake punt. The effort failed miserably, as the player clearly was not a method actor and looked more like a bowling pin being knocked over.
While it is not commonplace, distracting opposing players on key plays has a long history.
One of the most famous plays occurred during a game in the Lone Star State just after World War II. Rice was facing a hometown rival, the school then known as Sam Houston State, in a critical game. Rice led 14-10 with under 2 minutes left. Sam Houston State had the ball at the Rice 25, facing a 4th and 3.
Sam Houston State was going to run an end around to the left, but wanted to keep the Rice defense focused on the right side. So just before the ball was snapped, one of the Sam Houston State wide receivers pulled down his pants and defecated on the field. Not only did the maneuver surprise the Rice players, the garlic the wide receiver had eaten all day nauseated many of them. The end around was successful and Sam Houston State scored to win the game 17-14.
After the understandable controversy, the rules were changed to bar on-field doody-making. The NCAA also barred Sam Houston State from using certain odiferous food additives.
The President of Sam Houston State was so embarrassed that he changed the name of the school. As for the poopy wide receiver, he played one more season, then became famous for publicly spreading another type of diarrhea.
Yes, the star wide receiver of the newly named Sam Houston Institute of Technology was none other than famed CBS correspondent Dan Rather.
And now you know the rest of the story.