2014 Week 5
October 1, 2014
Even though we're supposed to be at the start of the conference season, there are still some big intersectional games going on.
Notre Dame went out east and routed the Syracuse Orange Testicle, 31-15. For some reason the game was not played at the Terrier Dome, instead they played it at the New York Giants home stadium, the Polo Grounds. I hope Willie Mays was able to attend.
LSU knocked off archrival New Mexico State, 63-7. Coach Miles said the New Mexico State defense had more holes than Mrs. Moeller.
Texas went up to whup on the Big Eight, knocking off Kansas 23-0. Unfortunately, the Jayhawks fired Coach Charles White soon after the game. Coach White has had a stellar career in football, dating back to his Heisman Trophy days with USC. I wish him well, especially now that he'll be back to running his garbage collection company and banging lids together.
Maryland went on the road and took it to the Indiana Hoosiers, 37-15. The Fighting Twerps' win over a team from the venerable Big Ten does wonders for the reputation of the ACC.
There was an exciting non-conference game in Columbia, where host Missouri came from behind to beat South Carolina, 21-20.
There were some interesting conference matchups as well. TCU absolutely destroyed crosstown rival SMU, 56-0, as the Horny Toads got off to a strong start in the Southwest Conference.
Top ranked Florida State came back from a huge deficit to defeat North Carolina State 56-41. Jameis Winston threw for over 300 yards and 4 touchdowns. I predict Jameis will win 2 more Heismans and an Emmy Award for his improvisational comedy sketch in that cafeteria.
The Los Angeles teams look to be off to a good start in the Pac-10 again. UCLA routed Arizona State 62-27 while Southern Cal had little trouble with Oregon State. We may be lining up this November to watch a classic Cheerleader Bowel.
Finally, Georgia held off the Tennessee Vols, 35-32, between the hedges. I also understand that the Tennessee hound dog Smokey got impregnated by UGA during the game. Those are gonna be some really ugly puppies. Speaking of dogs, Joan Rivers stopped by the other day to say hello. Liz Taylor is already hazing Joan pretty good, with whips and chains. Call it the fat person's afterlife revenge for all the jokes while we were among the mortals. Just wait until that beanpole Herb Street gets up here and sees what I have planned for him.
Next week is archrivals week, with Tennessee vs Florida, Alabama vs Ole Southern Miss, LSU vs. Auburn, and Michigan vs. Rutgers. See you then.