2016 Week 5
October 5, 2016
Whoo boy did we have some wild college football games this past weekend.
The highlight had to be that battle in Athens between Tennessee and Georgia. Apparently the SEC has changed the overtime rules, they settled things with a long passing contest. Georgia hit theirs then Tennessee hit one too. They gave the win to Tennessee because the Vols were in the lead before the overtime started.
In another thriller, I read that North Carolina hit a 3-pointer at the buzzer to win in Tallahassee 37-35. At first I thought that the 3-pointer and a UNC win meant it was a basketball game. But then I realized that an ACC basketball game wouldn't be that high scoring.
Oklahoma built a huge lead then held on to beat the TCU Horny Toads, 52-46. Sister school Oklahoma State pulled away for a big win over Texas 49-31. Yet another disappointing result means more trouble for coach John Mackovic Brown.
Notre Dame beat the Syracuse Orange Testicle 50-33. The two teams combined for five touchdowns in the first five minutes of the game. I haven't seen so much early penetration and scoring since the premiere of "Caligula".
In arguably the biggest game of the day, Clemson held off a late scoring threat by the St. Louisville Cardinals to win 42-36. A Cardinal receiver ran out of bounds short of the sticks on a 4th down play, which is like sliding 10 feet before you get to third base. Not that anyone in the College of Cardinals would know anything about getting to third base.
Bring 'Em Young came from behind against the MAC's Mud Rockets, pulling off a 55-53 "Toledo Surprise".
Washington chewed up the Stanford Indians, 44-6, to take an early lead in the Pac-8 race.
Other Huskies didn't do as well, Houston had little trouble with Yukon, winning 42-14, in a game played in Whitehorse.
In another non-conference tilt, Western Virginia edged out Kansas City State, 17-16. Florida International had a close win over Florida Atlantic, to set up a showdown with Florida Pacific.
Perhaps the most exciting play of the year occurred out west. In Nevada Las Vegas's 45-20 win over Fresno State, quarterback Dalton Sneed ran through his own end zone, escaped a tackle to avoid a safety, then took off down the sideline for an exciting 91-yard TD run. His grandpa Sam was so excited watching up here that his putter stood up.
In the Big Ten Northwestern came from behind to beat the Iowa Huckeyes. There were two exciting overtime contests, with Penn State beating Minnesota 29-26 and Indiana topping Michigan State 24-21. There's nothing more thrilling than a Big Ten field goal shootout.
The lowest scoring game of the day was Michigan's 14-7 win over Wisconsin. Early in that contest Michigan lined up its offensive players single file behind the ball, then raced into formation and ran a play.
My good friend Roger Ebert told me that the formation was inspired by the movie "The Human Centipede". He then started talking about how they sewed people together to make the movie. I said I'd feel sorry for anyone whose mouth was sewed to me as their sinuses would be sulfur-poisoned within about 30 seconds of me finishing my jalapeno lunch.
The unusual formation did remind me of a game between Southern Cal and Oregon State back in the 1950's. The Trojans were coached by Jess Hill, who was a pretty innovative coach and was in his first year at USC. Oregon State was led by Kip Taylor, who was more focused on fundamentals.
USC's most famous player on that team was one that folks today will still remember, running back Frank Gifford. But they had a fine supporting cast and headed into the game at the Coliseum undefeated and ranked #14.
Oregon State played a fine game and, late in the game, they led 14-10. USC was driving, faced a 4th down, and called time out. Assistant coach Irvin Yeaworth set up the play. Quarterback Dean Schneider put on a new tearaway jersey made of a new material based on jello. Coach Yeaworth believed the texture of the jersey would be extra slippery. The play was to be a play action pass, with a fake to Gifford and a pass to wide receiver Bob Buckley.
Schneider went back into the game just as a rare Los Angeles thunderstorm broke out. The gelatin in the jersey absorbed the water and the jersey began to swell as the ball was snapped. As Schneider faked the handoff to Gifford, the jersey stuck to and swallowed up Gifford. The two players, unable to separate, ran to the right and forward. Oregon State pass rushers then were stuck to the USC backs. Schneider, whose hands were still free, threw the ball at the last second and it was caught by Buckley for the game-winning touchdown.
Oregon State screamed bloody murder as they argued that it should have been an illegal forward pass - while Schneider was behind the line of scrimmage, he was attached to Gifford who was in front of the line by the time the ball was released. The refs ignored their complaints and USC won the game, 16-14.
The next week the NCAA banned gelatin jerseys. Coach Yeaworth and Dean Schneider moved on to new careers in nearby Hollywood. Yeaworth became a director and Schneider starred in a horror movie loosely based on the play. Irvin Yeaworth directed Dean Schneider under his new stage name Steve McQueen in "The Blob".
And now you know the rest of the story.