2018 Week 13
November 28, 2018
Now, when it comes to college football, Thanksgiving weekend is much more like it. You've got great rivalry games, drama about rankings, and plenty of turkey. Yes, we celebrate up here just like you do back in your homes, with food, football, fixin's. Oh, and lots of bitter arguments about the attention hog fat guy with the bad hair.
I'm speaking of course about everyone's favorite pork-faced Satan, Jimmy Johnson.
Speaking of Jimmy's old school, the Canes put away my Pitt Panthers with very little difficulty, 24-3.
The Big Ten had some major rivalry games. Minnesota beat Wisconsin for the first time in ages and the players had a very emotional shower room reunion with Paul Bunyan's Ass. Purdue held off Indiana 28-21 and retained possession of the Little Brown Old Oaken Spittoon.
The biggest game in the Big Ten took place in Columbus as R Ban Meyer's Ohio State Buckeyes ran roughshod over Jack Harbaugh's Michigan team, blowing out the Wolverines 62-39. I'd report on how Coach Hayes and Coach Schembechler enjoyed the game, but the two coaches had promised to do a Jager bomb for each of the opposing team's touchdowns and by early in the third quarter Coach Bo was passed out on the sofa and Coach Hayes was projectile vomiting at his feet.
That wasn't the only high-scoring game among highly rated teams. The Oklahoma Sooners flew off to Morgantown to take on Western Virginia and held off the Mountain Men, 59-56. Coach Switzer was clearly upset after the game upon learning that the OU basketball team had put up 65 points at Dayton.
Central Florida is heading toward another undefeated season, beating archrival and neighboring expansion state South Florida 38-10. Unfortunately UCF quarterback Milton McKenzie suffered the most gruesome leg break I've seen since Alex Smith five days earlier. I didn't know that legs bent at right angles.
Virginia Tech continued their hex over the University of Virginia, winning in overtime 34-31. Now I'm still a bit confused about these overtime rules. Virginia Tech kicked a field goal on their fourth play but UVA stopped playing after their second play and everyone went home. You'd think they'd give each team an equal number of plays to score.
Bring em Young blew a lead and lost their game to U.T.A.H., 35-27. That was a big win for the guys from Houston.
The Big Ten wasn't the only league with trophy games. Mississippi State blew out Ole Southern Miss 35-3 for the rights to the Egg Bowel. Alabama had no trouble with archrival Auburn and retained use of that fine medical invention, the Iron Bowel. And Washington went to Pullman in the snow and beat Wazzu 28-16 to keep that tasty testicular protection device, the Apple Cup.
Other top rated teams had some interesting tussles. Notre Dame came back from a 10-point deficit to beat Southern Cal 24-17 and likely qualify for the BS playoffs. Clemson kept their unbeaten season going by outscoring South Carolina 56-35.
The most interesting game of the day occurred in State College Station TX. Texas A&M beat LSU in 7 overtimes, 74-72. I haven't seen that much scoring by a bunch of crew cut cadets since the filming of "Deliverance 2: Bobby Visits VMI".
Now I'm still a bit confused by these overtime rules. Each time something interesting was about to happen Coach Ogre would race down the sideline like Fred Flintstone on meth and call a technical foul. Except nobody got to shoot free throws, instead they'd just stop, talk a while, then run a play. Eventually A&M got a 2-point conversion and LSU missed an extra point kick and the game ended.
We're approaching another favorite weekend, conference championship weekend, and then it's off to the best time of the year, bowel season. See you soon!