2018 Week 3
September 18, 2018
We had some hum dinger ballgames last weekend as most of the nation shook off the effects of the hurricane and got back to some fine college football competition.
Probably the most exciting finish of the day took place in the SEC, where LSU hit a field goal at the buzzer to knock off Auburn 22-21. Things look to have turned around in Baton Rouge thanks to the brilliant mind of Coach Ogre.
Some of the other major coaching changes aren't working out as well though. Coach C Kelly went to Cal-Berkeley's Los Angeles satellite campus but the Bruins have been stinking it up, losing last weekend to Fresno State 38-14. And Florida State is off to a very poor start after getting clobbered by Syracuse, 30-7. I honestly thought that, after being tanned, rested, and ready, former Notre Dame and UW coach Ty Dillingham Taggert would be doing better.
The rest of the SEC apparently was focused on this new SEC/Sun Belt challenge. Georgia had little trouble with Middle Tennessee State, winning 49-7. Clemson pounded Georgia Southern. The Vols beat UTEP 24-0. And top ranked Alabama beat another non-Power 5 patsy, blowing out Ole Southern Miss 62-7.
It wasn't all good for the SEC in the league vs league matchup. The Green Heave of North Texas went into Fayetteville and blew out R Kansas, 44-17. During the game a North Texas punt returner pretended to make a fair catch then took off racing down the sideline for an easy touchdown. I haven't seen a guy run wild through a bunch of stunned Hogs like that since Jeffrey Dahmer's visit to the slaughterhouse.
One of the biggest games took place near Dallas, as Ohio State came down to visit the Horny Toads of Texas Christian. It was a bizarre game with fumbled snaps, fumbled punts, and the fumbling telecasters Chris Fowler and Herb Street. The Buckeyes came from behind to win 40-28 and now welcome head coach R Ban Meyer back from behind the scarlet curtain.
The biggest upset of the day occurred in Madison, as Bring 'Em Young stunned the Badgers 24-21 after Wisconsin missed a late field goal. That ended Wisconsin's home non-conference winning streak at 41 games. I'm sure they'll get back to scheduling high school teams soon.
The wildest game was in Lubbock, as Texas Tech survived a touchdown showdown with Houston, winning 63-49. The other Southwest Conference teams had non-league matchups. Texas came from behind to defeat USC 37-14. Meanwhile the Trojans' Pac-8 sidekick Washington ground out a 21-7 win over the University of Texas at Houston.
The Fighting Irish improved to 3-0, flushing away the Vanderbilt Commodes. Finally, in the most intense of all intra-state matchups, New Mexico outscored New Mexico State 42-25. See, college football is such a great sport that even teams outside the USA can develop bitter rivalries.
Now those of us up here follow the news as well as football, what can I say, it's always a long time from Saturday to Saturday. So we read the stories about those British lads the Beatles and their habit of getting together then touching their da Vincis while calling out names like "Bridgette Bardot" and "Diana Rigg".
For some reason the press thinks that's some odd secret ritual. Heck, coaches have been doing that for years. Even now Coach Bryant and Coach Hayes like to head over to the sauna. Then you hear them yelling out names like "Newt Rockne" and "Anus Alonzo Stagg" and you know not to visit the sauna until it's been thoroughly cleaned.
It's not just coaches. A lot of the Brits don't follow college football so don't spend much time around us, but Winston Churchill is half American so enjoys a bit of the "gridiron" action as they call it. He was telling us about how he was recently hanging out with a bunch of his WWII friends including Lord Halifax and General Montgomery, so they started in with a session of what the Beatles are now famous for.
Instead of calling out "Bridgette Bardot" or "Newt Rockne", Winnie and friends called out names of what they thought were girly men. Lord Halifax yelled out "John Lenin" - and it turned out John Lenin was strolling by the sauna, heard his name, so walked in to find out what was going on. Let's just say it's a good thing John still wears those spectacles to protect his eyes.