December 16, 2019

We had one humdinger of a regular season in college football this year. We started in August with two close games: Florida beating Miami in Orlando and Arizona falling short late in Hawaii - then we ended with Navy getting back on track against Army, ending the Black Knights of Ni's three game winning streak at Veterans' Stadium in Philadelphia. That being said, I think it would make more sense to play the August games in Philadelphia and the December games in the nice weather places.

That's one thing the bowel system used to get right - playing the December/January games in Florida and Hawaii. But now we have bowel games in Boise Idaho, Birmingham England, and the frozen tundra of St Petersburg Russia. At this rate next year they'll have a bowel game hosted by the Yukon Huskies.

My good friend Frank Gifford said those games made him feel so cold that his testes re-ascended. Then he explained to me how to make a thermometer based on the position of his nether parts. Once he fired up a Bunsen burner and pulled down his pants I decided it was time to head out and talk to Coach Bryant, who was sitting back drinking a mint julep. I joined him and there was no more talk about nether regions. We just talked football. Football and the USC Song Girls. Even old SEC coaches love to talk about the Song Girls. Which I guess means we did talk about nether regions after all.

So let's get going on the finest 2-3-4 weeks of the college football year, bowel season. Here's my insights on this year's matchups:

Friday, December 20: The Bermuda Triangle Bahamas Bowel (Nassau, Bahamas). Buffalo vs. Charlotte

Now I'm a bit confused about this one. I'm glad that these two fine teams are getting to play overseas in a bowel game. I just thought they had a few regular season games left. Due to Cam Newton's injury I give the edge to Buffalo.

Beeno's Pick: The Bills

Friday, December 20: The Brazilian Wax Smoothie All the Way to Your Bowel (Frisco, Texas). U.T.A.H. State vs. Kent State

I'm just glad that MAC power Kent State has finally figured out their name. For a while they were Kent State, then Kent, then Kentucky State, and now back to Kent State. It's tough to have an identity when your school's greatest football player only suited up for your basketball team. They will face a tough battle against the JV team from the University of Texas at Houston, though it will be less bloody than their matchup with the Ohio National Guard.

Beeno's Pick: U.T.A.H. State

Saturday, December 21: The Saliva Bowel (Atlanta, Georgia). North Carolina A&T vs. Acorn State

These two teams met last year in the exact same game in the same stadium. And, once again, I think the Ohio guys will be overwhelmed by North Carolina's dance team and their A&T. As for the game, I think this year Acorn will get past the distractions and pull out a narrow victory.

Beeno's Pick: Acorn State

Saturday, December 21: The Ron Mexico Bowel (Albuquerque, Mexico). Seaman U vs. SDSU

This is an interesting geographic battle between an inland flyover country school and a school that is situated on one of America's most scenic coastlines. The Midshipmen turned things around under golfer Greg Norman's son Jim, whose love of both the water and his father's favorite aquatic animal was satiated by working with the men of the sea. Meanwhile SDSU rode a strong defense to a fine record. This should be a close low scoring tussle.

Beeno's Pick: South Dakota State

Saturday, December 21: The Robert Smith Cure Bowel (Orlando, Florida). Liberty vs. South Georgia

Coach Freeze found a new job working for the Babtists at Liberty, which means no booze and no dancing either. South Georgia has gathered some of the roughest toughest Spetznatz guys in the former USSR and taught them football. Expect the South Georgia guys to pull out their numbchucks and do a number on Liberty. Given the issues at Coach Freeze's former school Ole Southern Piss I'm guessing, when they drop trou and pull out their numbchucks, the number they'll perform on their foes is #1.

Beeno's Pick: South Georgia

Saturday, December 21: The Mar-a-Lago Boca Raton Bowel (Fort Lauderdale, Florida). Southern Methodist vs. Florida Atlantic

Coach Kiffin really turned around the Florida Atlantic Awls and drilled numerous foes this year. Then I saw that he took off to Oxford, apparently on a Roads Scholarship. Southern Methodist is having a great year with a wide open offense and I think they'll outscore the Awls in this one. By the way, speaking of SMU, has anyone seen the Pony? Where's the Pony?

Beeno's Pick: Southern Methodist

Saturday, December 21: The Blue Grey Carmelo Anthony Bowel (Montgomery, Alabama). Florida International vs. R Kansas State

Just like Coach Kiffin, another one-time big coaching name is resurrecting his career in South Florida. Coach Butch Jones Davis, after his messy exit at Tennessee, is now working with the exchange students at Florida International. R Kansas State has been the top team in their state this year, showing up regular R Kansas, who hasn't been very good since firing Coach Butthead. I see another close contest in this particular fleabag bowel.

Beeno's Pick: R Kansas State

Saturday, December 21: Siegfried and Roy Disemboweled (Las Vegas, Nevada). Boys' State vs. Washington

Coach Peterson surprised everyone by announcing his retirement from Washington, but he'll stick around to coach the Huskies against his former team, Boys' State. Boys' State, another special school, in this case for wayward young men, has been quite the giant-killer before, during, and after Coach Peterson's tenure. Expect to see a lot of excitement on the field, such as Statue of Liberty plays, wedding proposals, childbirth, and the impaling of Xenu at halftime.

Beeno's Pick: Washington

Saturday, December 21: The British Petroleum Bowel (New Orleans, Gulf of Mexico). Alabama-Birmingham vs. Appalachian State

I think there's nothing more appropriate than a coach in the moonshine sector of the Bible Belt being named "Elijah Drinkwitz". Unfortunately Coach is leaving the Appy State to go to Mizzou to try to get the Tigers back to the top of the Big Eight. Alabama's satellite campus program has had a fine year too, but I don't think they'll be ready for the Mountain Men and will be squealing by halftime.

Beeno's Pick: Appalachian State

Monday, December 23: The Bill Laimbeer Bad Boys Bowel (Tampa, Florida). Marshall vs. Central Florida

This is a matchup of the alma maters of Chad Pennington and Daunte Culpepper. In honor of the leadfooted quarterbacks, bowel sponsors will hold snail races at halftime.

Central Florida won't be playing for a national championship this year, but that's nothing new. Meanwhile Marshall won't be playing for a MAC championship. Or a Conference UFO championship. Or a Big East championship. Because nobody knows if Marshall is even in a conference anymore. They change leagues more often than my new wife Liz Taylor changes husbands. Oh, wait, Liz just filed. My point still stands.

Beeno's Pick: Central Florida

Tuesday, December 24: The Youtube Hulu Bowel (Honolulu, Hawaii). Bring 'em Young vs. Hawaii

It's a challenge to play Hawaii in their own stadium. First, they tend to bring their own referees and so you end up with creative calls like holding on the coaches or illegal formation on the defense. Second, the temptations are really great on Oahu, so visiting teams tend to be really distracted. Fortunately for the visitors, Bring 'Em Young's team, staff, and fans bring a twenty dollar bill and a copy of the Ten Commandments and don't break either one. That will help, but Hawaii will still have the refs.

Beeno's Pick: Hawaii

Thursday, December 26: The Preferred Walk-On Boxcar Bowel (Shreveport, Louisiana). La Tech vs. Miami

It's great that Lou Holts is now back in coaching. Much like Coach Butch Jones Davis with the exchange students at Florida International, Coach Lou is doing a great job with the fighting Frenchmen of La Tech. I think they'll put up a good effort, but the distance is such an advantage for Miami that having to travel from Paris will catch up with La Tech. One piece of good news, they should at least understand parts of the Cagin' language. Then again, having listened to Cagin' Coach Ogre, maybe they won't understand it.

Beeno's Pick: Miami

Thursday, December 26: The Quickie Lane Glory Hole Bowel (Detroit, Michigan). Eastern Michigan vs. Pitt

I'm always glad to see my Panthers in a bowel game even if it's in the only city in Michigan that's worse than Ypsilanti. The Eastern EMUs barely got into a bowel game, nosing out Toledo, which means Toledo are the only Michigan-based D-1 school not in a bowel this year. Bowel absence is ironic given that they're the Mud Rockets. The Panthers have been up and down this season but should have little trouble in this game.

Beeno's Pick: Pitt

Friday, December 27: The Visualize Whirled Peas Militia Bowel (Annapolis, Maryland). North Carolina vs. Temple

John Mackovic Brown has done reasonably well in his return to coaching, taking UNC to a bowel. The Temple Awls are one of the top religious football programs, right behind Notre Dame, Bring 'Em Young, SMU, and the St. Louisville Cardinals. Folks are already noting that this would be a great basketball matchup, but it should be a fine football game as well. And I'd note that there will be more points scored when the two schools play in football.

Beeno's Pick: North Carolina

Friday, December 27: Derek Jeter's Pinstriped Bowels (New York, New York). Michigan State vs. Wake Forest

It was a tough season for the MSU Fighting Chippewas but, with a win in their season finale, they've earned a trip to that vacation mecca, the Bronx. Wake Forest was probably the most anonymous team in the most anonymous power five conference, the ACC. I don't think I saw a single play of theirs this year, but I'll take the bowel mavens at their word and assume Wake qualified for the post-season. This is another matchup that would probably be a better basketball game, though, having seen the MSU offense a few times, there's no way it's higher scoring than a basketball game. It MIGHT be higher scoring than a hockey game.

Beeno's Pick: Michigan State

Friday, December 27: The Enron Texas Bowel (Houston, Texas). Oklahoma State vs. Texas A&M

Oklahoma State used to be Oklahoma A&M but changed their name to reflect their expanded mission, which mostly includes oil and gas drilling. Texas A&M stayed the same, because they retained their own drilling mission, which involves cadets and sheep. Okie State has a great rushing attack behind a Canadian exchange student named Chuba Hubbard, whose name makes it seem like he'd be right at home in Texas. A&M counters with RB Isaiah Spiller, whose name is a perfect fit for the late Oklahoma State booster T-Bone Pickens' oil bidness. This should be a good shootout but I give a slight edge to the local team.

Beeno's Pick: Texas A&M

Friday, December 27: Billie Holiday's Bowels (San Diego, California). Southern Cal vs. Iowa

Coach Ferentz has been at Iowa even longer than Coach Hayden Fox was. Meanwhile Coach Helton has been on the verge of getting fired about 13 times in the last 12 months, but he still hangs on. The fact that Fox is sending special correspondent R Ban Meyer to San Diego to cover this contest shouldn't concern Clay in the least. As for the game, this is like a lower level Rosey Bowel without all the flowers, mountains outside the stadium, and good football teams.

Beeno's Pick: Iowa

Friday, December 27: The Cheez-It Orange-ish Bowel (Phoenix, Arizona). Air Force vs. Washington State

Coach Rick Leach has done a fine job with the guys in Pullman, turning them into an occasionally exciting team. Meanwhile, the Air Force Falcons have bounced back from a couple surprising losing seasons to win 10 games and qualify for a bowel this year. The problem for Coach Leach and his pirate-style attack is that air power usually takes out sea power, especially when that air power has a ground game to go with it. Go with the military guys.

Beeno's Pick: Air Force

Saturday, December 28: The Camper Van Beethoven Bowel (Orlando, Florida). Notre Dame vs. Iowa State

Coach/wrapper B Kelly gets to go up against one of the guys on the short list to replace him when Notre Dame gets around to hiring a new coach. Cyclone Coach Campbell will be seen handing his resume to Notre Dame officials before the game, but this matchup won't help him. I predict the Irish will roll.

Beeno's Pick: Notre Dame

Saturday, December 28: The Texas Schoolbook Suppository Cotton Bowel (Dallas, Texas). Penn State vs. Memphis

Memphis won their conference, lost their coach, and now has to play Penn State in the venerable old Cotton Bowel Stadium in Dallas. The one nice thing about the Cotton Bowel each year is that my good friend Pat Summerall now joins me to watch the game and call the action. It's not as entertaining as it was during his earlier days when he'd bring some hooch with him into the broadcast booth. These days things have changed - Pat is one of the healthiest people around here, eating healthy and drinking orange juice all the time. That's why most of the guys here can't stand him - we're now immortal so who cares what we ingest. It's a lot more fun to watch Coach Weeb Eubank doing shots with every meal then keeling over right about dessert time. Weeb says he can't wait for Joe Namath to join him up here. That's one drinking fest I can't wait to watch, especially if Joe can get some of those late starlets (who usually avoid us college football talking heads like the plague) to join him.

Speaking of goings on around here and Penn State, no, I have not seen JoePa anywhere. Nobody knows where he is and none of the higher-ups want to talk about it.

As for the game, I think the Nittany Lions will have a bit too much on offense for Memphis and will take a high-scoring affair.

Beeno's Pick: Penn State

Saturday, December 28: The Katie Couric Televised Peach Bowel (Atlanta, Georgia). LSU vs. Oklahoma

This game features two of the finest transfer quarterbacks not playing for Ohio State. All these quarterbacks heading off to other schools is getting confusing. It used to be that quarterbacks only transferred when they'd committed a felony and wanted a fresh start.

Jalen Hertz will lead the Sooners against Heisman winner Joe Burro and LSU. The only thing more stubborn than a Burro is Coach Ogre. But even Coach knew enough this year to let his offense shine and Joe will take LSU to the championship game. Then Coach will mutter some things in Cagin', yell "yabba dabba doo", and suggest the Crimson Tide do something to themselves that is physically impossible.

Beeno's Pick: LSU

Saturday, December 28: The Nintendo PlayStation Fiesta Bowel (Glendale, Arizona). Ohio State vs. Clemson

Okay, so this is the other of the two BS semi-finals and it's a matchup of two top unbeaten teams. But it raises the same question I've had more than once in the past - why are we playing these BS games halfway through bowel season? I know when I have a delicious dessert it's always the last thing I eat. Unless I go back for seconds.

Ohio State and Clemson played in a bowel three years ago and it did not go well for the Buckeyes. This time they'll have to face non-transfer quarterback Fabio Lawrence and a bunch of very good wide receivers. However, Ohio State has its own great quarterback, a great running back, wide receivers, and a rabid fan base that will swarm the greater Phoenix area. So I'm expecting a shootout. I'm also expecting a high scoring football game.

I think Clemson will pull this one out on a late score to advance to the finals once again.

Beeno's Pick: Clemson

Monday, December 30: The Perineum of Dallas Bowel (Dallas, Texas). Western Kentucky vs. Western Michigan

I think one of the greatest things about college football has been the creation of expansion states so new colleges can be built. That's how we ended up with the two new states and two new universities that are playing in this game. Western Kentucky had a signature win over R Kansas, though beating R Kansas this year is like beating regular Kansas in most years. Western Michigan was a bit over .500 in the MAC but I don't think they'll have enough to be over .500 in this game.

Beeno's Pick: Western Kentucky

Monday, December 30: The Justin Bieber Music City Bowel (Nashville, Tennessee). Mississippi State vs. the St. Louisville Cardinals

There's nothing more musical than a stadium with tens of thousands of fans banging on cowbells. Ole Piss State had an exciting conclusion to their season and now will have to deal with the roided up sluggers from Missouri. I expect the Bulldogs to be able to run the ball quite effectively, but the baseball guys should pull this one out.

Beeno's Pick: St. Louisville Cardinals

Monday, December 30: The Foster Brooks Bowel (Santa Clara, California). Cal vs. Illinois

While Wake Forest was the most anonymous team in the most anonymous league, these two teams were way up on the anonymous scale too. The Cal Hippies muddled through a Pac-8 schedule without much memorable happening, not even a trombone collision. The Illini, behind coach Santa, did pull off one upset vs. Wisconsin but the rest of the time played some games and won a few. In any event, one of these teams has to win and excite the 50,000 or so watching on TV and the 5,000 or so in the stadium. May as well be the team with the shorter travel time.

Beeno's Pick: Cal

Monday, December 30: The Cheetos Orange Bowel (Miami, Florida). Florida vs. Virginia

While this is considered a major bowel game, both teams fell short against more talented foes. Coach Broncho did finally beat Virginia Tech but has yet to beat cross-state rival Western Virginia, perhaps because he's never coached UVA against the Mountain Men. The Gators did pound Florida State in their SEC South cross-state showdown, though pounding FSU was the result for just about every Nole foe other than Alabama State. In the end I expect Coach Mullen to get enough out of his offense to pull this one off.

Beeno's Pick: Florida

Tuesday, December 31: The Wal-Mart Belk State Championship Game (Charlottesville, Virginia). Kentucky vs. Virginia Tech

Now this is a state title game that should be exciting. As usual, they brought in an out of state team to play against the local team Virginia Tech so I'm not sure which state title they're playing for, but at least there's something on the line. Kentucky will have one of the most exciting players in the country, Bobby Bowden's grandson Lynn, who can catch passes, return kicks, and speak in jowl-vibrating gibberish with the best of them (especially his grampa). Va Tech will counter with a fine running defense and I think that will be enough for the win.

Beeno's Pick: Virginia Tech

Tuesday, December 31: The Tony the Tiger Sun Bowel (El Paso, Texas). Florida State vs. Arizona State

Okay, so this sponsorship thing has taken on a life of its own. It used to be products, like the Weedwhacker, or famous people like John Hancock, but now we've got some cartoon cereal animal who is going to try to push eating breakfast on us. Let's get one thing straight - the only reason to eat breakfast is hair of the dog.

First thing: Get out a cereal bowel. Then open up a box of cereal. Then pull out some Bacardi 151.

No, you don't pour out the cereal in the bowel then make a rum and Coke. Instead you pour the rum into the bowel, dump cereal in there as well, then eat the cereal and the rum with a spoon. I promise you'll feel better in no time - plenty of sugars to get your system back on track and plenty of ethanol to take the edge off.

So I guess I can't be too critical of the Sun Bowel having Tony the Tiger as a sponsor - it gave me the opportunity to help all of you with the world's best hangover cure. Again, pour the rum into a bowel then dump cereal in there as well, and eat it out of the bowel with a spoon.

And remember, that's your cereal bowel, not your other personal bowel. You don't want to be dumping rum in that bowel, nor cereal, and you certainly don't want to be sticking a spoon in there.

As for the game, it's nice that a team like FSU without a coach can make a bowel game. Their reward is to play a team with an old school NFL coach in Coach Edwards. I think the Noles will have a tough time slowing star back Eno Benjamin and former Missouri star Chase Daniels' brother Jayden, who is one of the most exciting freshmen in the country. That said, I was more optimistic about the Noles' chances until I learned that their star running back, Fred Akers' grandson Cam, won't be playing.

Beeno's Pick: Arizona State

Tuesday, December 31: The Marcus Liberty Bowel (Memphis, Tennessee). Navy vs. Kansas City State

Coach Bruce Snyder has finally left Kansas City State, though I wouldn't count out his returning to take over a third time if things don't go well enough. People forget how bad KC State was before Coach Snyder, they were definitely the worst program in the Show Me State and that includes all the directional schools. But now they're consistently the best. The Gobblin Seamen have had an up and down year and are looking to close it on a high note, but I think KC State's running offense will be just enough.

Beeno's Pick: Kansas City State

Tuesday, December 31: The Dick Rodriguez Arizona Bowel (Tucson, Arizona). Wyoming vs. Georgia State

This matchup makes some sense - WAC teams are decent but not dominant and the SEC has some of the best JV teams around. In fact UGA's JVs knocked off Tennessee in Knoxville, which led to an impromptu attempted Viking funeral for coach Pruitt on all the boats docked in the river outside Sergent Neyland Stadium. Meanwhile, Wyoming's rushing offense was quite good and should be enough to hold off the lil' Bulldogs.

Beeno's Pick: Wyoming

Tuesday, December 31: The Taco Bell Alamo Bowel (San Antonio, Mexico). U.T.A.H. vs. Texas

It's good to have these geographic matchups between satellite schools and the parent campus. That's why I always enjoy Cal against Cal-Los Angeles. In this case the University of Texas at Houston has really established itself the past few years, ever since R Ban Meyer made a brief stop on his way to bigger things. Texas is back this year, at least they're back into a bowel game not far from their campus. But I don't think they'll have enough to take down their cross-state rivals.

Beeno's Pick: U.T.A.H.

Wednesday, January 1: The Ponderosa Outback Bowel (Tampa, Florida). Minnesota vs. Auburn

Minnesota was one of the year's better stories, with close exciting one-score wins over powers like Penn State, Georgia Southern, Fresno State, and South Dakota State. As a reward they get to play the team that just took possession of that great life-saving medical device, the Iron Bowel. If Coach PJ tries to put that in his boat he not only won't be able to row it, he'll sink.

Bo Jackson's son Bo Nix has had a fine year for the Tigers. I think he will carry them to victory in a high scoring battle.

Beeno's Pick: Auburn

Wednesday, January 1: The Fulmer/Carr Citrus Classic (Orlando, Florida). Michigan vs. Alabama

There has been sniping between Michigan's Jack Harbaugh and Alabama's Nick Satan ever since Coach Jack came back to Michigan, but they haven't had the chance to meet yet. I think Coach Satan kept waiting for Michigan to show up in the BS playoffs, saw the Wolverines weren't getting there, so dropped out of the playoffs this year after the injury to Tuba Tuiasosopo and now gets his wish.

Michigan will feature a pass-happy offense that kept pace with Ohio State for about 20 minutes and Alabama will feature a punishing ground game behind Damien Harris' brother Naji. That, plus some black magic from Coach Satan, will carry the Tide to victory.

Beeno's Pick: Alabama

Wednesday, January 1: The Rosey Bowel, presented by Northwestern University (Pasadena, California). Oregon vs. Wisconsin

Now this is an old school Rosey Bowel matchup between two teams that spent a few decades in the wilderness but have been very good for the last quarter century. Also the color clash of the uniforms should be scintillating and cause most viewers to try to adjust the tint on their TV sets. And you have to love the forest mascot showdown between the Badgers and the Beavers.

Oregon will throw the ball a lot with Ragin' Cagin' Bobby Hebert's son Justin, but will also slip in a running play a few times. Wisconsin will pound the ball, then pound it some more, then run a few times, then take a knee late in the fourth quarter to close out a victory.

Beeno's Pick: Wisconsin

Wednesday, January 1: The Brazilian Wax Sugar Bowel (New Orleans, Gulf of Mexico). Baylor vs. Georgia

I have to give Coach Rhule a lot of credit, he has really turned around the Baylor Bears in a very short period of time. I'm sure in no time he'll be heading up I-35 to have three 8-8 seasons with the Cowboys before getting fired.

Georgia had a lot of expectations on them this year, but fell a bit short against LSU after an early season upset against USC. They did play great defense, except against LSU, and I think they'll have enough to hold off the Bears.

Beeno's Pick: Georgia

Thursday, January 2: Jared Fogle's Bowel (Birmingham, England). Boston College vs. Cincinnati

BC is yet another school that made a bowel yet fired their coach. Cincinnati had a tough conference championship matchup and fell a bit short. Boston College features a punishing running attack with AJ Dillon. This is a game where I believe strength of schedule is a factor.

Beeno's Pick: The Bengals

Thursday, January 2: The FU Gator Bowel (Jacksonville, Florida). Indiana vs. Tennessee

Here are two teams that ended three year bowel droughts (trust me, you don't want a bowel drought of any length, everything just builds up and let's just say it gets ugly). Everyone talks about the IU D but Tennessee's has been tougher to penetrate. Watch for the Hoosiers' Jersey Shore alum WR Wop Philyor to put up some big numbers but I expect Tennessee to grind out a victory.

Beeno's Pick: Tennessee

Friday, January 3: The Famous Anus Potatoe Bowel (Boise, Idaho). Ohio vs. Nevada

There's nothing more exciting than two slightly above average small conference teams playing in sub-zero wind chills on a blue field in Idaho! Coach Solich has done a fine job at Ohio since getting shown the door at Nebraska. In fact former Nebraska coaches seem to be doing better than the current one as Coach Pelini is doing fine at Youngstown and Coach Callahan just took over the Redskins. Nevada has consistently moved the ball this year but I think the Ohio defense will be a bit too much for the Wolfpack.

Beeno's Pick: Ohio

Saturday, January 4: The Kim Jong Un Armed Forces Bowel (Fort Worth, Texas). Ole Southern Piss vs. Tulane

These two teams aren't too far apart geographically, but Hattiesburg is to the Big Easy what Pat Boone is to George Clinton and the Parliament of Funk. Didn't think I followed that music scene did you? Trust me, we have a lot of Funkadelic fans up here, especially on Karaoke night. You haven't had true fun until you've seen Coach Hayes perform "Give Up the Funk" complete with James Brown-style splits at the end. Of course then he's kind of stuck there on the floor with a couple pulled muscles, but it's great until that point, trust me.

As for the game itself, Tulane likes to run the ball while Southern Piss is strong against the run. As for the passing attack, Brett Faver isn't coming through that door any time soon. I'm going with the Green Wave.

Beeno's Pick: Tulane

Monday, January 6: The Niemann Marcus Dollar General Bowel (Mobile, Alabama). Louisiana vs. Miami

This is the "other" Miami, the Cradle of Crotches (except for Coach Hayes after he does the splits). They're going up against one of the satellite campuses of LSU that has decided to get its own name and identity, though I forget which town it's located in, Lafayette, Monroe, or Little Rock. The Ragin' Cagins will take on the youngest, least talented Gabbert brother (and that's saying something) and pull away for the win.

Beeno's Pick: Louisiana