2022 Week 1
September 7, 2022
So we are back with another great start to college football.
The off-season was filled with news. Of particular note was the rise of the "name, image, likeness" approach to compensating players.
When I was working with Johnny at Pitt we tried a version of this to make sure we could find a clever way to get under the table money to Tony Dorsett, Matt Cavanaugh, and other Panther stars. We were going to create sets of bubblegum cards of all the players, coaches, and staff and pretend that 100% of the money raised was going to charity then divert some of the cash to the team.
We contracted with Topps. They put the cards in order of date of birth, which meant that my card was on top. I guess I was having a bit of a fluid retention problem at the time so kids, upon seeing the top of the "deck" of cards, were upset and crying and weren't interested in buying the cards. Parents threatened to sue the university for infliction of trauma, the whole thing became a mess, and the cards were shelved.
Nowadays the players make their own NIL deals and even sign sponsorship agreements. You probably read about WR DeColdest Crawford of Nebraska signing with an air conditioning company. Or Bama's Kool-aid McKinstry's endorsement deal with Hi-C.
It's too bad that old-time players weren't able to take advantage. I bet Dulcolax would have loved to have made a deal back then with Missouri legend Harry Colon. And one can only imagine the number of endorsement offers that would have been made to Lucius Pusey.
On the field we had a lot of really lame games but a few exciting ones. One of the most exciting games took place in the Louisiana Superdome, with Louisiana State, behind new coach and wrapper B Kelly, fell just short of the Seminoles due to a blocked extra point after time expired. The boosters are already raising money to send Coach Kelly on a nice boat ride in Hudson Bay.
I was pretty pleased to see a familiar name on the field for the Bayou Bengals - Major Burns. One of our new arrivals up here, Sally "Hot Lips" Kellerman, came racing over from the actors area to check things out once she heard that Major Burns was around. She took one look and said she preferred some guy named Bobby Duvall. She then said that she has been patiently awaiting Mr. Duvall's arrival but he had an iron liver. I said I was an expert on the Iron Bowel and discussed the 1972 "Punt Bama Punt" game. She ran away from me screaming. I don't understand these Hollywood types.
In other action, the biggest game of the week was played at the Horseshoe as Ohio State held off the Fighting Irish, 21-10. Up here that meant Woody and Ara throwing chairs at each other. Of course Woody throws chairs at everybody, so the Ara antics don't really mean much.
Georgia split the Oregon Beavers, 49-3. Elsewhere in the expanded SEC Texas A&M shut out the Sam Houston Institute of Technology, 31-0.
In other SEC action involving Texas teams, Florida had an exciting last second win over the University of Texas at Houston. While down 3 points and in the red zone a Florida defensive back was shocked when the ball was thrown right at him by the U.T.A.H. quarterback.
The Miami Hurricanes scored 70 times against my daughter Beth Cook. She sure has stamina.
Old Dominion upset Virginia Tech, 20-17. Elsewhere in the Thomas Jefferson State, my Pitt Panthers beat Western Virginia 38-31, in the return of the Backdoor Brawl, and took home the Squealing Pig trophy.
One of the most exciting games took place in expansion state Appalachian as the Mountain Men hosted the University of North Carolina. UNC led most of the way, but App State failed on two two point conversions. I'm still confused about these overtime rules. I thought the two-point shootout had to start in overtime not regulation.
Michigan opened with a 51-7 cupcake win over Colorado State. The highlight, on the broadcast at least, was Baylor legend and color commentator Robert Griffin the Third noting that there was an orgy in the end zone. Having seen the Michigan cheerleaders before I'm sure this was an FCC violation.
The most scintillating game of the week took place in Iowa City, where the Huckeyes had a very unusual 7-3 win over San Diego State. Iowa became the first team ever to win a game by scoring 7 points without a touchdown, thanks to multiple safeties. You can't beat the excitement when a team puts up 3 safeties and a extra point.
Normally I'd say I was looking forward to next week's games, but I've seen the schedule. It may be time to schedule my root canals instead, those would be more pleasurable than watching Bama put up 80 on Texas. Talk to you soon!