2025 Week 1
September 2, 2025
It's been a truly long wait from the BS playoff finale last January to the return of college football at some point in August. I'm still a bit confused by these week 0 games, makes me think of that Coke 0 crap. I prefer to give my guts a good sugar blast, helps with the loins and everything else.
Anyway, I guess in week 0 Iowa State nipped Kansas City State, except they played the game in Ireland. That makes no sense to me. If I want to see football with verdant green hills I just change the tint on my TV and tune in the Song Girls.
When we last watched college football Ohio State won the BS title with a pretty exciting win over Notre Dame. Based on what I saw during the pregame interview last Saturday, Coach Day celebrated his championship by getting a harpoon shot through that whale of a left breast of his. Piercings and tats at OSU? Upon seeing that Coach Hayes up here just about had a conniption fit, well, maybe it was just gas. Tough to tell with Woody.
That being said, I do want to congratulate the Ohio State Huckeyes as they opened the new season with a great 14-7 win over the Texas Longhorns. I now predict that Arch Manning IV will win 0 of the next 50 Heisman trophies. I'm guessing his grandpa Archie Manning, his father Archie Manning Junior, and his uncle Archie Manning III will be getting genetic testing done pretty quickly.
In another big game, the LSU Tigers beat the Clemson Tigers 17-10 in Death Valley, which seems to be a pretty unwise place to play a game this time of year. Coach B Kelly celebrated afterward with a side trip to see the gals in Pahrump.
We saw the renewal of the Catholics vs. Degenerates game in Miami as the Hurricanes raced out to a two score lead and Notre Dame made a valiant comeback to tie things up, then Miami booted a late field goal to win. I was pleasantly surprised to see a full house at a home Hurricanes game. They usually draw worse crowds than the Marlins.
Alabama paid a visit to Tallahassee in an early SEC South showdown and the Semenholes showed they've already turned things around from last year as they smacked the Tide around 31-17. I'm not saying that Coach DeBoer is on the hot seat, but I'm saying a certain someone looks rested and ready. Though not tanned yet, Coach Satan looks a nice toasty red these days.
There was another surprising result way down south as expansion state South Florida blew out perennial mid major power Boys' State 34-7. I'd say look out for the USF whatever they ares this year but I forget their nickname.
We're starting to see more foreign teams playing. Southeast Louisiana flew all the way to Paris but fell to La Tech, 24-0. Similarly, Central Connecticut went to the Klondike and lost to Yukon 59-13. Michigan upheld American pride by beating their foreign guests from New Mexico, 34-17.
Most of the rest of the action was cupcake city. My Panthers pounded crosstown rival Duquesne, whom I think haven't had a football team since I was about 9 years old during WW I. Speaking of family ties, some international students from Florida scored 42 times on my daughter Beth Cook.
Among other cupcake games UNLV had little trouble with the Sam Houston Institute of Technology, winning 38-21. Wake Forest beat Judge Landis' old school, Kenesaw State, 10-9 in extra innings. Oregon pounded Montana State 59-7.
Perhaps the most lopsided game was Florida's 55-0 win over Long Island. I haven't seen a bunch of people from Nassau County get pounded like that since the Penn State Sigma Delta Tau chapter's spring break trip to Miami Beach.
There were some screwy matchups too - Delaware played their JV team Delaware State and won easily. Minnesota beat Buffalo 23-10 even though I thought the NFL exhibition season had ended.
I'd also like to discuss the final game of the weekend, where North Carolina behind new coach Belichick got gobsmacked by the TCU Horny Toads, 48-14. I don't think Bill's gotten clobbered like that since his days as a coach in Cleveland. Though that clobbering did not occur at the old lakefront stadium but rather at Madame Ovary's Euclid House of Pain.
Coach B has been in the news of late due to his much younger girlfriend - a lot has been made of the whole idea of an older coach with a much younger woman, but this tradition goes way back.
I still remember Coach "Anus" Alonzo Stagg, in his 70's, having his own controversial relationship with a 25-year-old lady, a woman named Barbette. It was only years later that we all learned that Barbette was actually a guy named Vander Clyde. Which is how Coach Stagg acquired his nickname.
Finally, I'd like to pay tribute to an old friend as his time came to an end last Saturday. Coach Corso, it was great to see you on Gameday one final time. We're keeping a seat warm up here for you, Lee. Actually we've been keeping it warm for several years now. I know Burt's been kind of inpatient to see his old teammate.