Drunken Halftime Speeches
November 14, 2013
One of the more interesting incidents over the weekend took place in Ann Arbor Michigan, during the Wolverines' loss to the Nebraska Cornholio. Apparently a stray microphone picked up the inspirational halftime speech offered by U-M President Mary Suh Coleman to her football team.
I'm guessing, from the sound of her voice, that it was an Irish wake for her late husband, former baseball player and actor Gary "Vince" Coleman. I still remember his debut with the St. Louisville Browns, where he walked on 4 straight pitches then, before anyone could stop him, snorted up the batter's box and most of the first base line.
Anyway, drunken halftime speeches have a long history in college football. Probably the most famous was Kanute Rockne's "gin one for the Gipper" speech during a Notre Dame vs. Army game.
But the most memorable one to me occurred several decades ago. Pitt was tied with Penn State in the season finale at halftime, in a game played at Three Rivers Stadium. Penn State had shut down Heisman winner Tony Dorsett in the first half. Head coach Johnny Majors came to the locker room, as usual with his half-emptied bottle of Jack Daniels in his sweat pants.
He started screaming profanities at the team, then threw up on assistant coach Jackie Sherrill's head. Sherrill then punched Johnny, who fell down and threw his bottle at Jackie. The brawl went out into the hallway and the two stumbled into the Penn State locker room.
As team captain, Tony chased after them to try to break up the fight. In the Penn State shower area a Penn State assistant coach was cleaning himself and singing "it's raining men". Just then the coach got his wish as Johnny, Jackie, and Tony came stumbling in.
The coach stood with his arms open to greet the Pitt men, Tony darted to avoid him, slipped on the wet floor, and banged his head. The shock of the star Pitt running back wiping out on the floor ended the brawl. Dazed, Tony ran with real abandon in the second half, carrying the Panthers to a 24-7 victory and putting them one win away from a national title.
Jackie was still traumtized by the incident years later, leading to his much later attempt to castrate an assistant coach but instead de-masculinizing a Longhorn steer. Johnny figured he needed to get closer to his favorite soft drink, so moved to Tennessee. And Tony's banged up head seemed fine until recently. And now you know the rest of the story.