June 23, 1996

I just got this late-breaking story from the Usenet College Football Group:

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"I've absolutely had it with all of these Notre Dame apologists who think they're holier than thou and above the rules of the NCAA. I took my son to see what I thought was going to be a cute movie and ended up seeing a sordid portrayal of "Our Lady." It dealt with a football recruit named Kwaasi Moto.

Problem one right there. Is Notre Dame a Catholic school or Muslim? Well, they've had Muslims before, so I guess I could let this pass. But this is the least of Notre Dame's sins. They send a dirtbag recruiter named Frollo out, who not only falsifies birth records (I guess so he'll be able to play when he's over the traditional age of players), but provides housing for this kid long before he gets to school. Obviously he's giving him so many steroids that he's deformed by the time he's a teenager, and they must have him on other drugs, too, because he talks to stone gargoyles.

Then they provide him with jewelry (a crown as "King of Fools," you can draw your own inferences there regarding fools and Notre Dame) and implied sexual favors with a green-eyed gypsy woman. Hey, didn't Robert Redford pay a million bucks for one night with Demi Moore? That's GOT to be a violation. What's worse, when Moto tries to get out of his commitment to Notre Dame, they beat this poor kid senseless. OH! It makes my blood boil. They'd better launch an investigation."

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Well, all I have to say is I can't believe it. I mean, does ND want to ruin its reputation all at once?? They can't go around claiming to be the cleanest program in the country and then let something like this happen.

And why were they recruiting someone with such a troubled past?? Sounds like they felt another Muslim would give them the speed that the Rocket had.

Listen Lou - it just isn't true. I remember back when Johnny Majors was at Pitt. He thought he had to get a Buddhist to play back because he read somewhere that they could keep focused for hours on end during their chanting. He thought that would help them digest his playbook. Well, the kid showed up but he refused to wear a helmet. He took one hit to the head and he quit.

God I hope this isn't true.