August 28, 1997

Well, mom's been stocking up on beer and practicing with the remote so I guess it must be football season. Yes, the air is falling and the leaves are crisp. Makes me want to put on a helmet and go smash someone. In fact, I want a helmet in the casket when I die. When they bury me, I want a Michigan helmet! Those stripes still get me. They make it easier to spot the reciever down field so I hope that they help when someone from LSU tries to dig me up. You know LSU, they're like Dracula. Play their best ball at night.

HEIMAN

Anyway, I thought I would give you all a little tip for the upcoming season. They've already engraved the Heiman Trophy with Manning's name. I won't tell you which Manning, but it's on there.

MNC

As much as this Pittsburgh boy would have to hate to admit it, PSU has the best shot at winning the MNC. They have most of their games in that little stadium in the middle of nowhere. Most teams don't make it into State College until after 2am as the pilots always are told to fly in circles.

Next to PSU is the USC song girls. They would win the title if they wore helmets.

BOWEL ALLIANCE

This year's version of the Bowel Alliance should be no better than the previous years' versions. Who cares to see UF play FSU in a "whoever wins last wins all" game. And I think some people in the big 10 have the right idea. They want to invite ND to join the Big 10 and then they could have 2 divisions: East and West. The East would have UM, MSU, IU, UI, PSU, NU, Iowa, Minnesota, UW, OSU and PU. The West would have ND. The winner of the East would play the winner of the West and the winners of both divisions would make the Bowel Alliance.

NOTRE DAME

Well, how much tougher could the Administration at ND make it for poor Bob? First, they make him take back Ron as his quarterback. Then they make him play in that large stadium that even Lou couldn't fill. I sure hope I don't turn on MSNDBC and see all those empty seats again this year. That would be horrible.

But Ron should play alright. I hear he might even pass the ball this year. And I'm not talking about a deep pitch.

OSU vs UM

Well, can Cooper keep choking this game?? The laws of physics say that OSU has to win this one sometime. I mean, if I roll a 12 sided die 9 times, how many times does the 1 come up?? I put my money on OSU if UM forgets to lose 4 games before then. Othewise, UM will take it.

SEC

Well, besides Tennessee and Florida, who else is there to talk about? LSU should be alright if they can play all their games at night. Otherwise, them Voodoo doctors in Red Batton Rouge will have to start sticking pins in Peyton Manning dolls.

SWC

I expect Texas to finish first with strong challenges from Arkansas and Rice.

ARMY vs. NAVY

If you are truly a fan of football, you have got to watch this game. Two teams that know what is right about football play on the first Saturday in December. The men are students first and athletes second. Just watch them play - that'll show you. Anyway, the losing team has to run the obstacle course with real land mines and shells.

Well, this is about all I have to say this time. Hey mom, save me a Rolling Rock. Let me play with the remote.