December 5, 2001

Well, things are finally winding down on a quite enjoyable regular season and there have been a lot of interesting events, both on and off the field, in recent days.

The big off-field news occurred at a press conference in Indiana, where a well-known coach was told his services would no longer be required. That's always tough when a coach enters a pressure cooker situation, with high expectations, and ends up losing his job. So I'd like to wish a fond farewell to Cam Cameron.

In other news, Bob Davis got canned at Notre Dame. This was a bit surprising as Bob had done a fine job of rebuilding Notre Dame's program from the 20,000-empty seat ashes of the late Lou Holtz era.

Personally I caught a lot of flak for saying that if Oakland Raiders coach Jon Gruden got the ND job, he'd win a national title in four years. I admit I was probably a bit off-base with that prediction. If Gruden was hired I actually think he'd win a national title within two years.

There are a lot of candidates for the job and their qualifications are vast. At the top of my list are Phil Fulmer and Floyd Carr, because they've both done an excellent job of filling their stadiums every week. I don't understand the enthusiasm for Ty Willingham, because Sanford has had great trouble in selling out their games and I don't think Notre Dame really wants to go back to their empty seat troubles of 1995-96.

There were some exciting games last weekend. Major Applewhite's father must have been proud, watching his son come in and almost save the day for the University of Texas. I'm sure all of Marshall Applewhite's friends are tired of hearing about Major's performance, riding along in that spaceship behind Comet Hale-Bopp. Meanwhile Chris Sims did not look too happy at being pulled and his father Billy Sims reportedly threw a sideline tantrum that would make Ricky Neuheisel blush (trust me, it takes a lot to make Neuheisel blush, my good friend Lee Corso can attest to that).

Tennessee knocked off Florida in the Swamp to set up a battle with Nick Satan's LSU Tigers for the SEC title next Saturday evening. As I always say, Satan's boys at Baton Rouge are like Dracula, they're always toughest at night. Especially when they wear those helmets with the pentagrams on 'em and sacrifice a virgin at midfield before the game.

I'm still not sure about all this BS rating stuff. The BS ratings came out in late October and the next Saturday #1 Nebraska hosted and beat #2 Oklahoma to claim the BS title. Why we're even worrying about it anymore after we have a champion crowned is beyond me.

Anyway, there's some controversy about whether the BS ratings will allow Nebraska to go to the Rose Bowl. Well, forget it, they aren't going, that's totally ridiculous, as anyone who knows the bowl setup is well aware. Oregon won the Pac-10 and will play in the Rose Bowl, apparently against the new 12th member of the Big 10 (and, I guess, first-time champion), Miami. I must have missed that Big 10 expansion announcement. I've been pushing for a 12th team to be added, but didn't expect the "Cradle of Coaches" in Oxford Ohio to be the program they added.

The Heisman Trophy is being awarded this weekend too, and there is a lot of controversy about the promotional tactics being employed on behalf of candidates.

Oregon QB Joey Heatherton Junior's mother Joey Heatherton Senior did her own one-on-one campaigning, kind of a personal song and dance routine for each Heisman voter. She won over my vote--I know I greatly enjoyed my very own Joey Senior neck massage, it really loosened things up if you know what I mean (and anyone who saw me on ESPN last week knows how much better I look when my neck is loose).

The strangest play last week occurred in the MAC title game between Marshall and Toledo. Toledo ran a fake field goal, a rather unusual one where the holder handed off to the kicker who was racing right up the middle and went into the end zone untouched, at least until he crashed into the goal post and collapsed. It was quite a play.

The fake field goal has been around for a long time, over 100 years in fact.

Back in 1897 the University of Chicago was playing Wabash College. Wabash led the game 16-11 with just seconds to go. Chicago was driving and head coach Anus Alonzo Stagg faced a 4th down play near the Wabash 10. Chicago lined up for a drop-kick field goal by kicker Pudge Hessenpfeffer (not to be confused with Yale legend Pudge Heffelfinger).

On a drop-kick the ball was snapped directly to the kicker, and Hessenpfeffer, who was only 50% successful on field goals that season, saw an opening and ran to the left side for the touchdown as the clock ran out.

Coach Stagg was the first to race out onto the field. He took his umbrella and bashed Hessenpfeffer over the head again and again until other players dragged Stagg off the stunned Chicago Maroon. You see, Chicago trailed by 5 points, but back then scoring was different: field goals were worth 5 points and touchdowns were only worth 3 points. Hassenpfeffer's boneheaded play in going for the TD rather than the FG cost Chicago a chance to tie the game.

And now you know the rest of the story.

See Beeno's 2001 Bowel Preview