November 6, 2003

This last weekend was labeled by ESPN as "Separation Saturday".  My good friend Lee Corso then started talking about his college days at Florida State and how the 'Noles coaches separated the men from the boys with crowbars.  I don't quite understand Lee at times.

I decided to sit back and tune in all the games. But I turned off my Stoli drip to make sure I avoided having my own little separation Saturday with my liver.

Most of the games that day were conference showdowns, such as the Pac-8 tilt between USC and Washington State and the ACC battle between Florida State and Notre Dame.  Ty Dillingham has been pretty good about not playing his son, Ty Dillingham Jr at quarterback. But Ty's got problems, he may have to beat the Air Force this week for the first time in 40 years to save his job.

It used to be pretty unusual to have non-conference games so late in the season, but it was neat to watch Texas throttle Nebraska down in State College Station.  The Horns look to be in good shape for the Cotton Bowel berth.

The most controversial game of the day was the Ohio State/Penn State tilt, which was also played in State College Station (they must have had a doubleheader scheduled).  Late in the game an Ohio State receiver dropped a pass at the Penn State 35 yard line, but the referees ruled it a touchdown, giving Ohio State the victory and forcing Joe Paterno to stick another needle in his referee voodoo doll.

Speaking of FSU, PSU, and Joe Paterno, I would like to congratulate Bobby Bowden for passing JoePa to become the oldest living coach.  I just don't understand why it was announced at the end of a game, I would have thought Bobby would have become the oldest coach on his birthday or something.

This week I'm a bit confused by ESPN.  For some reason they've mixed things up and they're showing stuff you usually see on ESPN Classic every night of the week. So instead of getting the usual exciting figure skating or poker tournaments, we're watching boring old-time football games.  That's what ESPN gets for getting rid of people with some knowledge such as myself and the Pony.  Has anybody seen the Pony lately?

This all started on Monday night, with the Colorado vs. Boston College tilt.  That's when I knew it was ESPN Classic because BC has dropped football and the uniforms didn't look familiar so had to be olden ones.  Then Tuesday night we had Miami beating up on Boweling Green at the Orange Bowel.  I don't know why those cupcake games qualify as classics.  And last night we had Louisville getting nosed out by Texas back when the Horns had those throwback uniforms.

The timing of sports programming on TV is getting a bit odd.  I tuned in ESPN late Saturday and saw that Arkansas had beaten Kentucky 71-63 in overtime.  I didn't even know that college basketball had started.  Not only that, they played that basketball game outdoors.

I'd like to clarify a comment I made in my chat session yesterday.  Someone asked me what I was having for dinner and I responded, "I've already killed one tapeworm this month."  

That got some of these animal lover groups all upset and I've had some young man with five earrings and a ring through his nose standing outside my house with a sign saying "save the tapeworms". 

So I went out to talk with this guy, and he tells me that I shouldn't be killing tapeworms, that I should cherish even the ugliest of God's creatures.   

I said, "cherish even the absolute most grotesque pitiful disgusting creatures?"  

He tried to pop one of his zits and said "yes".  

I scratched my 4th chin and said "adore something so hideous that it makes you want to throw up?"  

He rubbed his grimy pencil-thin mustache, lifting his arm enough to unleash a stench that would disinfect the most filthy latrine, and said "well, maybe not the most disgusting creature around".  

So after another look at his unshaven odorous pimple-ridden metal-punctured face, I took his words to heart and threw his scrawny ass out into the street.  

Then I went inside the house and prepared a 7-course feast fit for a king.  That is, fit for a king and his skinny little 10-foot long friend that I named Ara.  Ara is very nice, he doesn't overeat.  Not like that slimy wormiest-of-the-worms Knute.  I had to get rid of Knute, he ate too much.  But Ara does things just right.  I think I'll keep him around.