2003 Week 2
September 4, 2003
It's about time that the season started. I spent all day Saturday sitting at home, waiting for ESPN to turn on the camera in my living room so that I could go on the air and explain to all of you what had happened.
They never called to say when I'd be on the air. I kept on reapplying makeup so I wouldn't look too pallid (I go through five pounds a week now). I even remembered to adjust my neck clip (fortunately I had added another notch to it).
So I'm sitting there, watching the tape of the ‘77 Oklahoma/Nebraska game. It was late in the 4th quarter and I was getting into the game, then the phone rang. I thought it was ESPN telling me to get ready, but instead it was some guy trying to sell me life insurance. I had to answer a few routine questions about my health, my diet, and my favorite beverages. He said "we can't sell you life insurance. According to our calculations, you died eight years ago" and hung up.
I turned back to the TV, and the game was over. Suddenly the red light on the camera lit up. A minute later the phone rang. It was ESPN. "Beeno, your line was busy so we couldn't give you a heads up. Sit up straight and get your hand out of your pants!"
So after that rude awakening I pulled my hand out of my pants, looked toward the camera, and said "sorry, I was just adjusting the captain."
Then I told the ESPN audience about Lou Holtz's brilliant coaching job in the USC at Auburn SEC matchup. I said "that was the most impressive performance by a bunch of ‘Cocks since ‘Emanuelle Part VI'."
The red light went out and the phone rang again. This time it was ESPN saying that they thought maybe I should take a break from doing the Gameday night show, that perhaps I'd be more comfortable just doing radio.
They noted how I wouldn't have to worry about putting a clip to hold back my neck and I could sit around in my underwear. Oh, and they told me "we can put the program on a 7-second delay to avoid any more references to Genitalia", which confused me, because I've never mentioned the Italian national airline.
In any event, I'll still be heard on ESPN radio during their overnight 4 a.m. - 6 a.m. show (I'll be on right after the harness racing segment). Plus I'll have my weekly ESPN chats, though this week they were keeping a really close eye on what I was typing and changed some things. So you'll still get to hear from me even if you won't get the chance to look at me.
It's been quite a week in college football. First off, I was disturbed to hear the news about Olsen twins deciding to part ways. I never thought they really got a chance to show their stuff on "Full House". On a side note, Bob Sagg'its still makes me laugh with those great Home Videos. I never could get Mom to star in one. I wish I would have never gotten rid of my 8cm camera.
Anyway, I can see why the Olsen twins decided to leave as they were more famous in high school than at Notre Dame. So, it's no shock that they would transfer to separate schools. I was surprised to learn they had originally enrolled at Notre Dame as I didn't think their film department was that good. I suspected they would have done better at USC, at least after a visit to the surgeon.
But it's nice to know that Christine will get a chance to star at Virginia Tech. And I'm glad to see that Marcia is going to go it alone in the MAC Conference at Miami of Ohio. I always thought she had a nice tight end.
On top of all that, we learned that Ohio State RB Marcy Clarett may be out for the season, due to a separated cerebellum. The Bucks will have a tough time replacing him in the backfield, not to mention replacing his wardrobe.
I was shocked last week to see the Virginia Tech game. I can't believe that the Cavs put Vick into the game. Even though Michael has eligibility left, now that he's signed with the NFL he can't play college ball anymore. Fortunately Coach Beamer is almost quick on the ball as his special teams and he suspended Vick from the team yesterday. Hopefully the NCAA won't come down too hard on him, I'm sure it was an honest mistake.
Speaking of the NFL, I was kind of surprised that they're playing the season opener several days earlier than the traditional "Sunday after Labor Day" start. You'd think they could find a more appealing opening day matchup than Monday's Labor Day matinee ESPN game featuring Carolina at Cincinnati.
Another controversy involved Michigan coach Floyd Carr and his complaints about the throwing of marshmallows in Ann Arbor. Apparently the students there chew up marshmallows then spit them at the end zone in some bizarre fraternity ritual.
Most of my fraternity rituals at Pitt didn't involve marshmallows, we preferred games involving crackers (at least until the school was integrated, then we let the black kids play too). Our favorite was something called ookie cookie, which involved adding cream to an Oreo.
Throwing items onto the field has been a long-standing tradition in college football. For instance, the South Dakota School of Mines fans have been known to throw various types of ores onto the field and have frequently knocked out opposing players. Due to the fact that the fans threw rocks, the college is now known as the South Dakota Rock School.
That naming tradition has occurred elsewhere too. Fans of Syracuse University, upon hearing that the team was going to get a bid to the bowel game in Miami, threw oranges onto the field, thus the team became known as the Orangemen.
Actually this way of naming teams started at the high school level. When George Gipp was in high school way up north in Michigan's smaller peninsula, he went up against a team from the nearby town of Felch. The town apparently got its name due to its fans' habit of throwing bags full of some substance onto the field.
I had never heard of this term before, but my good friend Lee Corso said he was quite familiar with it and even showed me a Felch cookbook. It's very interesting how they get some of these ingredients.