2004 Week 7
October 21, 2004
Well, the third Saturday of October passed by but somehow I missed the Tennessee vs Alabama game. Not only that, I didn't even get my usual Sweetest Day gift of a fifth of Bacardi.
Speaking of the Crimson state (and my personal crimson state), I'd like to congratulate Auburn for their many fine victories this season. I'm sure those folks living in the swamps of eastern Alabama are pleased with the performance of the Bayou Bengals, and I bet they're glad they followed through and fired Coach Tuberville last winter.
I tuned in the Notre Dame game last Saturday. For some reason the game got cancelled and instead Notre Dame had an intrasquad scrimmage, in the stadium used by the Baltimore Colts. The white team beat the blue team by a good margin, and then they all met at the middle of the field and put decals on each other's gold-plated helmets.
That wasn't the only strange thing going on last week. Last Thursday night I had the choice between the baseball playoffs and the Miami game. Of course I chose Miami. I personally was shocked that a great team like Miami could come so close to losing to a bunch of baseball players like the St. Louisville Cardinals.
What is it with these baseball people letting their teams play football during the middle of their playoffs? Football's a sport for tough men, not baseball-playing wimps. If some baseball player tries stepping out of the box on a football field to scratch himself, he'll get slobberknocked and find those itchy gonads rolling around in the end zone.
On Monday the first BS rankings came out. Last year was pretty controversial, as people disagreed on the national champion. Some favored LSU after their Sugar Bowel win and some watched the Rose Bowel and favored those men of Troy.
LSU is hosting Troy this week, so apparently the BS people are going to settle the 2003 title before moving on to deal with 2004. I for one am looking forward to the occult matchup between TV psycho Dianne Carroll's son Pete and LSU coach Nick Satan. There will be some heads spinning in that one!
Last week I told you how my good friend Lee Corso accused me of hiding a transmitter in my neck. Of course my neck was clean, relatively speaking, and Lee apologized.
This week Coach Corso created a new controversy. While on Gameday he claimed that my good friend Chris Fowler was a thespian. Now I'm not up to speed on a lot of things, but I thought you had to be a girl to be a thespian. After last year's Christmas party, all us employees at ESPN can confirm that Chris has boy parts.
I did some research on one of the Internets and found all sorts of interesting information about doubleheaders, most of which had nothing to do with baseball.
Eventually I learned that Chris Fowler is a member of the International Society of Thespians, so I guess I was wrong about my assumptions. Apparently Chris is a very proud thespian.
I also found out that Chris got a makeover from the Fab Five last week, which I guess means he now has a Michigan Spartan-style shaved head and a lot of extra cash in his wallet.
It's interesting what you can learn over the years about your fellow employees. Someday I'll tell the staff at ESPN the secret of how I obtained my third liver.