2005 Week 5
October 5, 2005
I enjoyed sitting back and watching another fun-filled weekend of college football.
Probably the most exciting game was USC's struggle with non-conference foe Arizona State. Everyone talks about USC's offense, but I think Coach Superior had better offenses at Florida. ASU showed more fight than Frank Kush on mescaline, but the Cocks finally pulled it out of the Devils.
Another major but less exciting battle was the in-state confrontation between Virginia Tech and Western Virginia, which was won by the Cavs by a healthy margin. VPI is getting great quarterback play from Vick and I bet they're glad that the NCAA granted one more year of eligibility to Michael.
The St. Louisville Cardinals, after getting upset the week before by South Florida, clobbered Florida Atlantic. The baseballers will continue their Grapefruit League tour by next taking on Florida Pacific.
One of my fans asked me what I thought about this trend of professional coaches coming back to coach in the college ranks. Everyone's read about Al Grow at Virginia, Bill Callahan at Nebraska, and TV psycho Diane Carroll's husband Pete at Southern Cal.
But the most impressive job by a former NFL coach so far has been at Alabama. What can one say about the Tide after the performance put on by Coach Shula?
I'm just a bit surprised that Don would come out of retirement like that, you'd think he'd be relaxing down in Miami these days.
Speaking of Don Shula and Miami, I tuned in and saw that the NFL team down there has gone through a few coaches since Don left. But now the Dolphins have settled on a brilliant vagabond coach, one who's been in a lot of places: Lou Satan.
I don't know what it is with hiring all these old guys to coach, but it seems to be working for them. Heck, even Penn State is undefeated right now.
I'm getting a bit confused about what ESPN is doing in studio these days ever since they forced me into early retirement.
I tuned in the other day and they had that movie director guy Mel Brooks in the studio along with my good friend Chris Fowler and my good friend Herb Street. I hadn't seen Mel since he left me a message offering me a role in his movie "SpaceBalls". He said something about Pizza Hut but never called back.
Mel Brooks
Mel on ESPN
Then, on Saturday night, I tune in again and right between my good friend Pee Wee Reese Davis and my good friend Mark May was this familiar craggly face with a lisping voice.
I had always wondered what happened to Granny from the "Beverly Hillbillies". I'm glad to see her back on the air.
Granny
Granny on ESPN
Yesterday I got a message asking me what I thought about the spread option.
I responded saying that a spread option is what happens a few hours after I choose between a seafood buffet or some buttered prime rib.
My correspondent said "no, Beeno, I'm talking about the offensive formation used by R Band Myer at Florida".
Formations in football have an interesting history. At the turn of the century the only fixed positions on an offense were the center and the quarterback, the rest of the guys would just line up anywhere they wanted to on their side of the line of scrimmage. On defense the guys would just gather in a group facing the offense, with no rhyme or reason.
That all changed in the 1920s during a game between Army and that French school La Tech.
La Tech coach Le Petomane listened to his defensive coordinator and put together the first true defensive formation. He lined up each of his 11 players near the line of scrimmage, about two yards apart from each other, and told them to tackle anybody who went by them with the ball.
That strategy didn't work so well, as the Cadets ran wild in a 62-0 victory.
After the game, when asked to comment on the La Tech strategy, Army's coach Patton said "fixed fortifications are monuments to man's stupidity".
La Tech fired their defensive coordinator, but he later became quite famous when, inspired by the United States Military Academy, he joined the French Army.
He applied his defensive strategies for France, spacing out his defenders, and implemented his namesake formation known as the Maginot Line.