2005 Week 6
October 13, 2005
This past weekend showcased a lot of intense long-standing rivalries.
Georgia really stuck it to Tennessee. I haven't seen someone in orange get penetrated like that since that flick where Emanuelle becomes a cheerleader at Syracuse.
Minnesota upset Michigan to win back possession of the famous Brown Slug. Next week the Golden Buffaloes will play Wisconsin for the rights to Paul Bunyan's Ass.
Virginia Tech knocked off Marshall, which, combined with their win over Western Virginia, means the Cavs have now beaten two of their three in-state rivals.
One of the stranger games was in the MAC, where Bald State beat Western Michigan 60-57 in five overtimes.
Now I'm still a bit confused about these overtime rules. I've read that in the third overtime teams have to go for two point conversions after touchdowns.
Apparently in the 5th overtime they have to start shooting baskets, and Bald State hit a 3-pointer from the top of the key for the win.
In other games, Pitt bombed Cincinnati 38-20. It's always great for my Panthers to get a win over the Bengals.
Last week they announced all the Noble Prizes. Apparently these prizes were named after the fella that invented all the Noble gases. I don't know much about chemistry, but I know that my own gases are anything but noble.
It might surprise you to know that there once was a Noble Prize for football. It was discontinued during World War II once those Swedes got busy digging up coal for the Germans.
The first winner of the Noble Prize for football was a young student named Ernest who attended the University of Notre Dame. Ernest worked for a chemistry professor named Father Julius Newtland.
Ernest was messing around with acetylene torches, trying to melt anatomically correct organs onto dolls. Then, one day, Ernest noticed the smoldering pile on the lab bench was actually soft to the touch. He picked it up once it cooled off, and noticed that it bounced around.
That discovery was the key step in the creation of neoprene, the first synthetic rubber. Ernest, who dabbled in gridiron on the side, used this new substance to make the first athletic cup. It was that gonad-preserving invention that won Ernest his Noble Prize in football.
Ernest also went on to use neoprene to invent the first artificial prophylactic, which was used to protect the Notre Dame box. He started up a rivalry with Fred LaTechs, inventor of the LaTechs Trojan, and founder of the University of South California.
Ernest always gave thanks to Father Julius Newtland, and after Father Julius' death at a young age, Ernest changed his name in his mentor's honor.
So Ernest became Newtland, which eventually was shortened to Newt. He became famous to millions as Notre Dame chemist, Noble prize winner, and football coach Newt Rockne.
And now you know the rest of the story.