2008 Week 5
October 2, 2008
Last week I noted that Ohio State had a rematch against the Trojans, this time at Ohio Stadium. The Buckeyes came out on top the second time around. At the time I pointed out that these are usually three-game deals, but I didn't see anything about a rubber match with the Trojans.
So I was pleasantly surprised last Thursday to see the third and hopefully final round between USC and OSU, this time played at a neutral site in Oregon. The tint on my TV set wasn't working quite right as the Ohio State team looked like they were wearing orange uniforms.
They also had a new mascot on the sideline, it looked like a diseased chipmunk with buck teeth. I guess they must have gotten rid of the Buckeye because the Big 10 has so many scary mammals as mascots, like Badgers, Wolverines, Woodchucks, Wildcats, and Hoosiers. So congrats to the Ohio State Rabid Chipmunks on their win.
The biggest game of the week was the SEC showdown between Georgia and Alabama. Good old Nick Satan set some heads a spinnin'. Nick is kind of like Dracula, he sucks blood from small doggies at night.
In other exciting SEC action, Ole Miss knocked off the Florida Gators.
Now I'm still a bit confused about these overtime rules. The game was tied at 24. Ole Miss scored a touchdown and kicked the extra point to take a 31-24 lead.
Florida scored then went for two points and the win from around the 30 yard line. If you have to go from that far out, I'd just kick the extra point. And then they ran the ball! I don't know what's going through R Ban Meyer's head, but I'm guessing it's got a pretty high ethanol content.
I would like to apologize for a mistake I made last week. I had noted that a number of schools are listed on the "crawl" on ESPN with acronyms. Apparently there is no such school as the "University of Texas at Houston", so I was wrong to speculate that was the team known to ESPN as "UTAH". Actually the school known as "UTAH" isn't in Houston but rather Salt Lake City. So I hope I didn't upset the many fine folks who attend the strangely located school known as University of Texas Aerospace & Horticulture.
Speaking of the states, I've been trying to ignore all the Presidential hooey this year. Same old crap every three years, I just tune it all out. But I did hear some debate over whether we have 57 states as one of the candidates claimed or 48 as the other guy said. I'm still wondering when they let New Mexico and Arizona into the union. 46 stars is plenty for me.
Apparently they went and added a few more states when I wasn't looking. I noticed this while following some of the game scores. They created some state called "Weber" and even added a football team. Meanwhile, the Thomas Jefferson State has always had some football powerhouses such as UVA, Virginia Tech, Richmond, and Western Virginia. Now it looks like they sliced out part of that state into a "West Virginia". Pretty soon they'll be splitting Dakota into north and south.
Then the other night on one of those Tuesday games, I saw Howard Schembechler's Florida Atlantic team lose a heartbreaker to some school called "MTSU". Then it turned out that "MTSU" stood for Middle Tennessee State. What did they do, just carve out the central portion of the Volunteer State? This is getting out of control. Hopefully President Truman can get to the bottom of this before they make a Southeast Missouri state.
This week's Song Girl is Jenny from the 1971 squad. I met Jenny way back then when I walked through downtown Los Angeles and saw a sign saying "Lose 5 pounds in 10 minutes, $10". So I paid my money and there was Jenny, in a garnet and gold bikini, and she had a sign around her waist saying "if you catch me you get this". So I ran and ran and, sad to say, I never caught up to her. But I did lose some weight.
I left and walked down the block and a sign said "Lose 10 pounds in 5 minutes, $20". I figured I should give that a try too. I went into the room and there were the Los Angeles Rams' Fearsome Foursome, all wearing thongs and signs around their waist saying "if we catch you, you get this". So I ran and ran, then I tripped and fell and they caught me. Fortunately my self-named product wore off and I was able to escape in a cloud of gas.
After that I gave up on weight loss and feel 100% better, because there's 100% more of me to love!