2009 Week 14
December 9, 2009
We have now wound up the regular season, except for the Army/Navy tilt this Saturday down at the shipyards in Philly.
Last weekend was Conference Championship weekend and we saw a lot of scintillating action.
It all started out up in the beautiful Northwestern part of the country, where Oregon held off Oregon State to clinch the Pac-8 title. It's the first trip to the Rose Bowel in 15 years for the Beavers.
The most anticipated game was the showdown between SEC North champion Alabama and SEC East champion Florida. The Tide rolled over Tim Tebow and the Gators. I haven't seen a (Nick) Satanic beatdown of a Christ figure like that since Golgotha.
I asked my good friend Lee Corso whether he'd ever seen such a blowout in a #1 vs #2 showdown. He started talking about the time someone put eyedrops in his drink and his repeated trips to the bathroom and how #2 won pretty big that day.
I don't understand Lee at times.
Cincinnati won the Big East title in an exciting matchup with my Pitt Panthers. It's the first-ever Big East title for the Bengals.
What I found most interesting was the separate playoffs for the international teams. France's very own La Tech took care of business against Mexico's Stan Jose State. And Yukon narrowly defeated South Florida's team, which had to fly up all the way from Havana. Florida Atlantic narrowly defeated Florida International and now will face archrival Florida Pacific.
There were some non-conference showdowns as well. Arizona upset Southern Cal. And Texas escaped disaster against Big Eight foe Nebraska.
Perhaps the most exciting finish occurred in Champagne Illinois. The Illinians were hosting FSU, who scored a touchdown with 2 seconds left to pull within 52-51. They then went for two points and the win.
In one of the most impressive gadget plays ever, the quarterback bounced the ball off a defensive back into the hands of an offensive tackle, who rumbled in. The amazing trick play was a fitting close to Coach Bowden's career at FSU. I hope you enjoy your retirement, Bobby. I know I have.
The other big news on the coaching front was Notre Dame's firing of head coach (and onetime USC star RB) Charles White.
Now the Irish have really emerged from the problems they had a decade ago, when there were up to 20,000 empty seats in their venerable stadium.
I think there are good and bad choices for any school. Here's my review of some of the candidates:
1) Bob Stoops. Oklahoma's sold out its games for years, so he'd be a good choice.
2) Nick Satan. I don't think the Pope would approve.
3) Phil Fulmer. Every week the Volunteers pack in 100,000 fans and 300,000 teeth, so he makes sense.
4) Stanford coach Jack Harbaugh. A wily veteran, but far too old for the ND gig.
5) Finally, the candidate many are talking about, Cincinnati coach B Kelly.
Notre Dame should not be so desperate as to hire someone with the spotted history of Coach Kelly. I can still remember my good friend Mike Tirico showing me some video of B Kelly. I can attest that incontinence problems are usually handled with Depends undergarments, not by taking a leak on some teenager. I mean, I enjoy golden showers as much as the next guy, but that's not appropriate for the head coach at a fine religious institution like Notre Dame.
That's all for this week. Later next week be sure to come back as I'll have finished my 2009 Bowel Preview. It'll be more thorough than my proctologist.
See Beeno's 2009 Bowel Preview