2009 Week 6
October 15, 2009
I had my Wednesday chat on ESPN's website. And, once again, they replaced my actual answers to fans' questions with fake answers. Here are the questions that fans asked and my real responses.
Joe (Atlanta): Is Georgia one of the most disappointing teams this season?
Beeno: I remember one time I was out having a drink or three, and started talking to this friendly blonde. She said her name was Georgia.
So I regaled her with stories about the UGA glory days under Wally Butts. She asked me if I liked Butts. I said "yes, ma'am, no doubt about it".
Next thing I knew, she had dropped her drawers. Then I noticed a dangling fruit bowel and realized that Georgia was one of these hermaphrodities, so I got out of there.
So, my answer is that Georgia was very disappointing.
George (Memphis): Is Iowa for real?
Beeno: I bought one of those Randy McNally road atlases last week. So I pulled it out but couldn't find any Iowa. I think some pages were missing though, because while there was regular Kansas, I couldn't find R Kansas. And they had Western Virginia on a separate page for some reason.
Danny Kelly (roselle park nj): Hi Beeno love the chats!!!
Beeno: I enjoy chats too. Is this the part where I tell you that I'm wearing a thong?
Jason (Bmore): Did you order your Pirates season tickets yet?
Beeno: I knew that Disney was going to make more of those Johnny Depp movies, but no, I can't see myself buying a season ticket to watch all of them.
Davebo (annapolis): Beeno you are always late. Put down that Primanti Bros. sandwich and join the chat! Who would win Florida vs. Redskins?
Beeno: I think we all know how that would come out. The last time Florida fought the Redskins the Spaniards were sent limping home. I go with the Redskins and they take 10 scalps.
Kim (Louisville, KY): Do you take a 1-loss Texas team or a 1-loss VT team to the NC?
Beeno: Definitely VT. It would cost a lot less to bus from Charlottesburg to Raleigh than from State College Station.
Chase (Lexington): Is Petrino a great coach or was he just the on the lucky end of being in a bad conference in the Big East?
Beeno: I like Coach Petrino but I still don't understand why they let NFL teams like the Falcons and Cincinnati into the Big East.
Brandon (MWC): 13-0 Boise State, or an 11-1 MWC Champion in a BS game?
Beeno: While Al Bundy was one of my favorite football players, I wouldn't let the cast of that show into a title game no matter what their record.
Jeff (Pennsylvania): Have you ever heard "#5 ranked team" and "pivotal game vs Tulsa" ever muttered in the same sentence in your experience with college football?
Beeno: No. I also have never heard "hey, Beeno, I'll pick up the tab" and "that girl is too fat for my tastes" muttered by my good friend Herb Street.
Jeff (Louisville): Do you think the judge was extremely tough on the Seinfeld characters on the final show?
Beeno: I liked the part where it turned out it all took place in a snow globe, then Kramer shoved the globe up Suzanne Pleshette's wazoo.
Jack Manheimer (Bluffton, SC): What does the Big 10 have to do to become a competitive conference? Even the Big East has better teams! How about getting Pitt, ND or West Virginia and get a Conference Champioship game! Love Beeno's perspective's and overall view points!
Beeno: Why thank you. I think Notre Dame would be a good fit. You could divide the twelve teams into two divisions, with the winner of each division making it to a BS game. In one division you'd have Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Michigan, Michigan State, Minnesota Northwestern, Ohio State, Penn State, Purdue, and Wisconsin. The rest of the teams would be in the other division.
Tray (Georgia): Beeno. first of all, I miss seeing you on television. Hope all is well on your end.
Beeno: Thank you for your concern. I took care of my end problem with Preparation H. It's also great for brushing teeth.
Marc (Seattle): Beeno, who's your candidate for coach of the year?
Beeno: Barack Obama.
Stevlovsky (lincoln): How does a 150 yard performance by Tebow get him the Heisman?
Beeno: He'll get the Heisman because he has friends in high places. Just look at what happened in Tallahassee last weekend -- a divinely inspired lightning delay so everyone would have to watch the Florida/LSU game.
Jack (Lynchburg, TN): Did the Volunteers turn a corner last week, or is UGA that bad?
Beeno: Very good to hear from you, Mr. Daniels, I can say that you've been one of my closest friends for decades.
I know I wouldn't volunteer to turn any corner near where UGA's been, at least not without a pooper scooper.
Toby (Eugene): What is the biggest game in the Pac-10 remaining?
Beeno: UCLA vs the Song Girls in the Cheerleader Bowel.
Cornhead (Lincoln, NE): 12-0 because of Tebow? Um, Mr. Cook, don't forget about their defense! Besides, when was the last time Florida left the state of Florida for a non-conference game? Come on up to Lincoln in November and we'll play some football. Suh is a better college football player this year than Tebow. Not even close. Give some love to the Corn.
Beeno: My good friend Lee Corso told me about the time he gave some love to the Corn. He said it got impacted and he had to go see a proctologist to get it out.
I don't understand Lee at times.
Aaron (Here): Tony Pike is the next Roethisberger. Where do you think he goes in the draft?
Beeno: Probably Iraq, maybe Afghanistan.
Rich Rod (Ann Arbor): People who whine about their players need to get lives.
Beeno: Good to hear from you, coach. Shouldn't you be headed back to Morgantown VA for this week's big Marshall vs. Western Virginia game?
Michael (Austin, Texas): Texas-OU, who's your pick?
Beeno: I think the Aggies will uphold the pride of the Southwest Conference. The Big Eight is having a down year.
Lou (Rockville, MD): Beeno, given the building fiasco that is happening at FSU, doesn't JoePa look even smarter for not messing with a succession plan right now?
Beeno: I agree. JoePa was smart to leave Bobby Bowden and FSU alone. They need to figure this one out themselves.
Bob (MIT): Who has the best overall fans in the country (polite, loud, knowledgeable, travel well)?
Beeno: The Oakland Raiders.
Chris (Arlington,Va): If my fighting irish can't get the job done at USC is coach White on the hot seat?
Beeno: I had dinner over at Coach White's house. We had peppers and, let me tell you, he already spends plenty of time on the hot seat. I was also impressed by the line on the wall.
Jeff (Houston): Is college football a more violent game today then say 25 years ago?
Beeno: Not since Michael Vick left.