2011 Week 4
September 27, 2011
Right now college football is still mostly in the non-conference portion of the schedule. All eyes were on Morgantown, as the Thomas Jefferson State hosted the big showdown between LSU and Western Virginia. The Bayou Bengals got off to a fast start and ran onto the field and took home the LSU/WVU rivalry trophy, a pig named Ned Beatty.
The trophy games got off to an early start this year. Yukon beat Buffalo to take the Prime Minister's Cup. In the Duke vs. Tulane battle, the Demonic Deacons won their many New Jersey students the services of something called "Snikki". Nebraska defeated neighboring Wyoming and paraded Bob Devaney's spleen. And the Sam Houston Institute of Technology reamed NMU to take back the Silver Colon.
Even the women got into it. Ms. State defeated La Tech and celebrated with the Golden Uvula.
While it wasn't a trophy game, I would note that my Pitt Panthers lost a tough one to Notre Dame and my good friend Mark May now has to wipe my good friend Lou Holtz every day for a month. Coach Lou, a crafty man, says he's starting on an all burrito diet.
The Big Ten had an embarrassing slate of games with one of the Plains states. Wisconsin destroyed the University of South Dakota, while Michigan had an easy time with South Dakota State University. Minnesota did not fare as well, losing to the Fighting Irish's JV team, ND State.
Speaking of Michigan, I would like to apologize to their fans for referring to their quarterback as "Dotard Robinson". Apparently he is a fine student. However, the people at Michigan may want to talk to my good friend Lee Corso. Late on Saturday he showed one play where the Wolverine QB faked a pitch and cut upfield for a long touchdown run and Coach Corso said that Robinson ran the "sped option".
Some conference play is already underway. The University of Washington held off a determined band of Cal Golden Bears and UCLA beat Oregon State. UCLA's crosstown rivals, Southern Cal, were upset by the Arizona State Sun Devils and probably are looking forward to the start of Pac-8 play.
In a week where we can look forward to the Texas Catholic University vs. Southern Missionary U showdown, it's great to recognize these fine religious schools which play such excellent football. One of the better games last week was BYU's win over UCF. Bringem Young University is a long-noted religious football powerhouse, but Coach O'Leary has done a great job with the formerly misguided young men playing for the United Christian Felons.
As September ends and the leaves start to turn colors and drop to the Astroturf, let us welcome October. To me October means conference play, apple cider, Alabama vs. Tennessee, some more cider, the Red River Shootout, 38 people gunned down at the Texas State Fair, a little vodka, and the grand and glorious dark evil holiday celebrated on the last day of the month: Nick Satan's birthday. I can hardly wait.