2012 Week 3
September 20, 2012
Well, we finally got the real season going. I'll take any week where you can watch bitter old rivals like Tennessee against Florida and the Syracuse Orange Testicle vs. Stony Brook
The biggest surprise of the week was Stanford's upset win over USC on the Farm. The Old Bald Coach seems a bit too relaxed for his own good these days, perhaps that's why he lost. I haven't seen Coach Superior so laid-back since his college days when he won the Outlandish Trophy.
Speaking of beatdowns involving cocks, I was disappointed to see, on the ESPN score crawl, that Miami's football team scored repeatedly on my daughter, Beth Cook.
After R Kansas was upset by LSU's JV team last week, it was no surprise that the Junior Tigers took Auburn to overtime.
That does remind me, I made an error last week. I noted that Notre Dame apparently had joined something called the Great Lakes Intercollegiate Athletic Conference. That is incorrect, that is Notre Dame's JV team. The regular Irish didn't need juvies as Notre Dame stuck it to the Michigan State Fighting Chippewas.
Speaking of which, I was watching that telecast, wondering where the Pony is. I'm starting to notice all these guys on ESPN with speech impediments. I mean Brent Musberger has quite a noticeable lisp. And of course Coach Lew Holts could find work as a lawn sprinkler. Meanwhile that one announcer Ward sometimes sounds like a chick.
One unfortunate trend involves established programs beating up on lower division cupcakes. Clemson 41, Furman 7. Michigan 63, U-Mass 13. Oregon 63, Tennessee Tech 14. And FSU 59, Colorado 20.
Another established power had a tighter cupcake game, as Baylor won 48-23 over the Sam Houston Institute of Technology.
And while Kentucky is not a powerhouse, it was shocking to see that Western Kentucky upended the Wildcats -- there probably are some red faces in Louisville.
In the biggest game of the week, Alabama destroyed R Kansas, 52-0. The Hawgs got beat so badly that Holly Rowe squealed in sympathy. I'm sure that Coach Satan was even more pleased after hearing that Akron beat Morgan State 66-6.
Perhaps the most confusing finish occurred in the game between Brigham Young and the University of Texas at Houston. In U.T.A.H.'s second straight week in the Magic Underwear State, BYU mounted a furious comeback. However, the Cougars missed two consecutive tying field goals and lost 24-21.
I'm still a bit confused about these overtime rules. I thought the first overtime was over when BYU missed a long field goal. The hometown BYU fans, cheering on their blue-clad team, certainly thought so as they, in a hurry to get home, rushed down to the field to get to the parking lot. Then apparently the second overtime started and BYU tried a field goal on first down, then missed it and U.T.A.H. declined their try and were declared the winners.
Rule changes tend to be confusing. This year there are a couple of changes worth noting. Kickoffs that go into the end zone now come out to the 25 instead of the 20. And kickoffs that go through the goal posts are worth a point as something called the "rogue".
The other big rule requires a player to leave the game if his helmet comes off. This is an important safety rule and has its origins in an incident that occurred in the 1937 Georgia Tech vs. South Carolina game.
A Georgia Tech running back, Winston LaFabre, came out of the game for a blow. He proceeded to the sideline where he was met by a coed trainer named Sally. She got to work as he stood there, his back turned to the field, still in his helmet, talking to his backup, Lester Cowins.
As Winston was enjoying the Sally's relaxing treatment, he didn't pay much attention to what was happening on the field. Just as Lester yelled "look out!", a South Carolina defender dove at a Georgia Tech receiver and sent him flying out of bounds and crashing into Winston. Winston fell over a bench just as Sally had finished her work and reached for her Listerine. His neck hit the sharpened frame of a tackling dummy and he was decapitated.
Winston's noggin went flying and, in honor of his unfortunate death, Sally's specialized treatment acquired the colloquial name "head".
And now you know the rest of the story.