2013 Week 6
October 9, 2013
It's October, the leaves on the trees are starting to look funky, and, thankfully, baseball is starting to wind down.
It is also the first anniversary of my departure from the mortal coil. I have to say that I've adjusted well to being up here. I've re-met a lot of old friends, especially from college football, and made some new ones.
I was a young man with little knowledge of the Midwest back in 1920 when George Gipp died. But now I've gotten to meet and spend time with the Gipper. Let me tell you, the legend is true. He is one of the best I've ever seen from the world of the gridiron, can take punishment like no other football player I've ever seen. I bet he could even drink Johnny Majors under the table.
The week started on Thursday night when Texas escaped a tight battle with Iowa State, 31-30. Now I'm still trying to understand these overtime rules. Apparently when you fumble in overtime and the other team grabs the ball, the play is dead right there and the fumbling team gets a couple do-overs until they can move the ball without fumbling.
The Florida State Semenoles clobbered the Maryland Terrapins, 63-0. I haven't seen turtles get pounded like that since Flo and Eddie's visit to Madame Ovary's Star Chamber.
Notre Dame righted their ship with a tight win over Arizona State, 37-34. The Irish wore their vintage Lucky Charms uniforms. As my good friend Paul Lynde likes to say, Irishmen are "magically delicious".
Meanwhile Arizona State had flames all over their helmets. They must have cut a deal with that pork-faced Satan Jimmy Johnson.
Baylor has become something of a high-scoring powerhouse. They ran up over 800 yards of offense in destroying Western Virginia, 73-42. I haven't seen a bear do that much damage to a mountain man since Ed Asner starred in "Deliverance II, Bobby's Revenge".
One of the top games of the weekend was played, in all places, Evansville, Indiana, as the Ohio State Buckeyes held off Northwestern, 40-30. The Buckeyes scored a touchdown, after a Northwestern fumble, with no time left on the clock for the final margin.
My good friend Brent Musberger noted that the final touchdown meant that Ohio State had covered the spread. Now I'm not sure which spread he was talking about, the spread offense, the post-game food from the culinary students, or that special video of Elvis Presley and Northwestern grad Ann-Margret.
I'd like to close out with an apology and a correction. Last week I warned people not to buy the new phone game, Corso's Cornhole challenge. I may have left the impression that I thought this game involved placing your fancy iPhone into your nether regions.
I've been informed that I was incorrect in that assessment. I've now seen a copy of the game. Actually, apparently inspired by one of Lee's favorite things to do, you're supposed to aim into an image of Coach Corso's mouth.
And that's pretty concerning too. Please don't play this game: Your cellphone's case and battery can be seriously corroded by urine.