2014 Week 14
December 2, 2014
There are two nice things about getting to the end of the season: first, all the great archrival games. Second, Thanksgiving.
Yes, even up here beyond the pearly gates we get to celebrate Turkey Day. That's the nice thing about being reunited with Ma, she supplies some turkeys, I get to stuff them, then we start preparing a Thanksgiving feast. This year we had some of my coach friends over.
Unfortunately, we started our dinner during the LSU vs. Texas A&M game. After an LSU TD Coach Paul Dietzel threw a drumstick in the air and former A&M Coach Bear Bryant, in that slow moving manner of his, starting beating Coach Dietzel over the head with the drumstick.
You know it's pretty bad when Woody was the peacemaker, telling everyone to calm down, that it was just a game. I tell you Woody wasn't acting that way on Saturday, during the Michigan vs. Ohio State game he and Coach Bo Schnellenberger went back to throwing chairs at each other.
As for the other games, we probably should start with the great rematch in Jordan-Denny Stadium. It sure makes sense that a matchup for an Iron Bowel would occur in a town ending in "Loosa". While what my good friend Brent Musberger twice called the "Crimson Tigers" either fell behind or were ahead, the other Crimson Tigers team later on took the lead and so Alabama won the game.
Before the game I saw Gameday and my good friend Joe Namath was on the set, seated next to Coach Corso, with both of them sporting huge fur coats. I bet Lee was pretty happy about that, he's always said he likes things furry.
Next door, in the Mongolian State, Ole Southern Miss turned the table on archrival Ole Southern Miss State and pulled out a 31-17 win.
There were a number of other exciting matchups as well. In a result that will upset every patriotic American, the Navel Academy knocked off USA 42-40. Virginia Tech actually scored an offensive touchdown, though not as offensive as some of their offense, and beat the Virginia Hokies 24-20. And the St. Louisville Cardinals came over from Missouri and held off the University of Kentucky 44-40.
Speaking of Missouri teams, it is unfortunate that the Missouri Tigers no longer play against their next door rival Kansas Jayhawks. However, another Show Me State team has stepped in to gin up the border rivalry, as Kansas City State blew out Kansas 51-13. And Missouri came from behind to beat R Kansas, 21-14.
Florida State had a close one against archrival Florida. Defending Heisman winner Jameis Winston sure knows how to pull off tweeners, putting the Noles ahead in the game but not above the pointspread.
Probably the most disappointing big game occurred in Los Angeles, where USC pounded Notre Dame 49-14. I don't know what's going on with Irish coach B Kelly, but perhaps instead of pissing away the season he should go back to golden showers with his ladies.
There were a number of close contests that went to overtime. Now I'm still not sure about these overtime rules. Western Kentucky beat Marshall 67-66 on a first overtime 2-pointer, even though that's not required until the third overtime. Nebraska beat Iowa 37-34 after a two period field goal shootout that they won 2-1. Georgia Tech beat Georgia 30-24 after winning their two period field goal shootout 2-0.
Arizona took their first conference title in years, beating archrival Arizona State 42-35, to win the Territorial Cup and take the WAC championship. TCU blew out Texas to take one more step toward a championship in the Southwest Conference.
Finally I'd like to recognize my Pitt Panthers, who pulled away to win at Miami 35-23. It was pretty weird seeing both teams' .500 boxcar records. I haven't seen that many sixes since Nick Satan's last Black Mass.
Hang on tight, we're almost to Conference Championship Saturday. And then it will be the best time of the year, bowel season.