2016 Week 13
November 30, 2016
Oh boy, we had a fun rivalry week up here!
Somebody finally wised up and kept Coaches Hayes and Schembechler apart last week. Those two fight like a couple of old ladies arguing at the dinner table. I mean it, they're throwing dishes at each other and smashing chairs, you'd think it was bourbon night at the local chapter of the DAR.
So I sat with Coach Hayes for the first half of the Michigan at Ohio State showdown then with Coach Schembechler for the second half. That was a mistake on both fronts as Michigan had the better of it in the first half and Ohio State did in the second half, so I got a multitude of creative obscenities plus there were three broken TV sets.
Then the game went to overtime. Now I'm still a bit confused about these overtime rules but I get the part where each team gets a turn and they keep playing until someone wins.
Bo didn't like that. He called for them to settle it by head to head collisions by the linemen. Woody took it one step further, he was screaming in the other room that they should settle things by hitting each other in the head with baseball bats until someone cried "uncle".
Bo then raced over to Woody's room with two Louisville Sluggers and that's the last I saw of either of them. I watched the overtime in peace and Ohio State won.
I'm not sure what happened to the coaches, but I'm guessing they're getting another time out in purgatory.
That was far from the only exciting action. We had a ridiculous number of trophy games. Football players playing around with cups and bowels, it was like excrement night at Madame Ovary's.
Washington staked its claim to the Pac-8 crown with a big win over Washington State in the Apple Cup game. Iowa pounded Nebraska 40-10 to claim the Crusty Corn Cob. Arizona upset Arizona State to reclaim the Territorial Cup. Alabama had little trouble with Auburn and retained that fantastic medical invention, the Iron Bowel.
Wisconsin came from behind to beat Minnesota and keep Paul Bunyan's Ass. Penn State had a big second half against the Michigan State Fighting Chippewas to grab back the Hugh Grant Trophy.
Mississippi State blew past rival Ole Southern Miss, 55-20, to claim the Egg Bowel. Indiana held off Purdue 26-24 and celebrated by taking a leak in the Old Oaken Spittoon. Oregon State completed a disappointing season with a win over Oregon in the Civil War. And highly rated Clemson blew out rival South Carolina 56-7 to hold onto The Golden Tooth.
In some non-trophy rivalry action Vanderbilt upended Tennessee to become bowel eligible, Georgia Tech came from behind to beat Georgia, Florida State had little trouble with Florida at the FU Gators Bowel in Jacksonville, and Southern Cal raced past Notre Dame.
Of course, this is the time of year when sports start to overlap. So I wasn't surprised to see some basketball scores come across the ticker. Middle Tennessee State had a 77-56 win over Florida Atlantic. Navy walloped SMU 75-31, so I bet David Robinson, the General, was laughing it up while watching.
Meanwhile I saw that my Pitt Panthers beat Syracuse 76-61, except I knew that had to be a football score. ACC basketball teams can't score 76 points in two games let alone one.
So we're getting geared up for Conference Championship weekend and the final BS rankings. I know I'll be planted on my couch watching all the games on Friday and Saturday - then watching the fun unfold on Sunday as we wait for the bowels to open up.