2016 Week 2
September 14, 2016
The quality of college football games sure declined this past week. I'm guessing teams needed a week to recover from some of the tough week 1 matchups.
The game that got the most publicity this past weekend was Tennessee's win over Virginia Tech at a racetrack near ESPN's Bristol headquarters. There was less attention on the game itself and more on the crowd, which featured an SEC record total of 403,589 teeth.
I'm still not sure how they set things up. From the looks of it they had one of those NASACAR flying saucers levitating over midfield. I'm sure Coach Fulmer enjoyed his anal probe.
The most exciting finish occurred in Texas, where R Kansas held on to beat TCU in double overtime, on a last minute TD where the guard shoved the quarterback into the end zone. I haven't seen a Hog score by pushing around a skinny guy like that since Oprah's date with Leonardo DiCaprio.
Elsewhere in the Southwest Conference Baylor blew out SMU 40-13. Has anyone seen the Pony lately? I miss the Pony.
The University of Texas at Houston held on to beat Bring 'Em Young University, 20-19, after BEYU went for two and failed. I'm not sure why U.T.A.H. was allowed to kick the extra point while BEYU had to go for two, but these overtime rules are pretty confusing.
The St. Louisville Cardinals and quarterback Lamar Jackson had a stunning win over Syracuse. I predict Lamar will win two Heisman Trophies and the Cy Young Award.
Clemson pulled out a tight one over the Men of Troy, 30-24. Coach Carroll seems to be righting the ship after last week's debacle vs. Alabama.
Speaking of righting the ship, Ohio beat Kansas 37-28, so it looks like Coach Tress has things going again for the Buckeyes.
Elsewhere in the Big Ten, Northwestern lost for the second straight time, this time to Illinois State, 9-7. That's a tough start for the Wildcats. Hopefully things will turn around for them in the Big Ten Lepers Division.
I also heard that Charlotte beat Elon pretty badly. I don't know this Elon fellow, but he might want to try the Charles Atlas program.
The most exciting single play occurred when Seaman U hit a hook and ladder on the final play to win at Oklahoma State. That's a big win for the Midshipmen.
My Pitt Panthers knocked off their archrivals from Penn State 42-39. I'm still not sure who is coaching either team these days. Bring back the days of Johnny and JoePa. And, again, while I've been up here for four years and have seen numerous departed coaches, nobody has heard anything about JoePa's whereabouts.
There was a late night western showdown, Arizona State outscored Texas Tech 68-55. I'm sure that Coach Frieder is happy to put one over on his Big Ten rival Coach Knight.
Finally, I'd like to thank you all for your concern about my daughter Beth Cook. She was scored upon repeatedly by the Collegiate University of North Texas, but seems no worse for the wear. Her friend Savannah, now that's a different story. Savannah was repeatedly penetrated by Ole Southern Miss, 56 times. Ouch.