2017 Week 11
November 14, 2017
I'd like to open this week with a clarification. Last week, in discussing the Michigan vs. Minnesota trophy game, I noted that Michigan won the game and retained possession of the Little Brown Jugs so Salma Hayek would remain in Ann Arbor. Some of you stated that, whatever one thinks of the famed actress, her jugs aren't "little".
As usual, everything is relative. As part of our football section of the Great Beyond we do have more than a few former Cowboy cheerleaders and Song Girls running around, so I'm a bit spoiled, to me Ms. Hayek is a bit on the little side. But to each their own.
We started off last week with MAC Attack in full swing, but, for the life of me, I couldn't tell you much about any of the games. All of them were played in a cool mist under dark skies with nasty winds and maybe 3,000 to 5,000 people in the stands. I could have sworn it was the CFL.
In big time college football we had a slew of upsets along with some big-time matchups. The University of Georgia was rated atop the BS system and promptly got blown out at Auburn. Washington cracked the top ten then lost a close one to the Stanford Cardinals.
The Iowa Huckeyes were ranked after their big win over Ohio State then got shellacked by Wisconsin. Ohio State recovered from its upset loss in Iowa City and laid a whuppin' on Michigan State.
There were some other contests between highly ranked foes on what we called "Defenestration Saturday". Oklahoma State won a relatively low-scoring Big 8 game over Iowa State, 49-42. The Alabama Crimson Tide came from behind and narrowly won in Starkville, holding off a Mississippi State "Hail Mary" at the end of the game.
#5 Oklahoma pulled away to beat down #6 TCU, 38-20. Sooner quarterback Baker Mayfield, winner of the September Heisman, now appears to be the frontrunner for the November Heisman as well. Meanwhile October Heisman winner, Sasquatch Barkley, had only 35 yards for Penn State in their win over Rutgers. We'll have to wait until the conference championship games to figure out who the contenders are for the December Heisman.
In a game that brought back fond memories of the 1980's, including white suits and white nose candy, the Miami Hurricanes blew out #3 Notre Dame, 41-8. Even the mascots got in on the one-sided affair, with the Notre Dame Leprechaun getting a guano facial from the Miami Duck.
Now I was a bit confused about the Miami roster. They had Michael Jackson and Joe Jackson on the team, I thought they were a bit old to be playing college football. Or a bit too dead for that matter.
There were also some notables outcomes outside the top 25. Missouri won a non-conference tilt over Tennessee, leading to the firing of Vols coach Burt Jones and his replacement by one-time Michigan coach Brady Hoke. Coach Hoke's Cajun doppelganger Coach Ogre won yet another game over another lard-lovin' coach, Coach Butthead, with a 33-10 win over R Kansas.
Army moved to 8-2 for the first time in ages with a narrow win over Duke. Minnesota helped continue the Mike O'Riley farewell tour with a 54-21 victory over the Nebraska Cornholio.
In ACC action Wake Forest beat Syracuse 64-43. No that wasn't a basketball score. The Orange Testicles couldn't score 43 points in 40 minutes of basketball even if the opposition left the court. North Carolina upended my Pitt Panthers 34-31, continuing Pitt's tough season. Hopefully Pitt can continue building toward next season and a run at the Jack Lambert Trophy, given to the Eastern team with the fewest total teeth.
Finally, the Florida vs. South Carolina cross-state grudge matches didn't go the way Sunshine State would have wanted. FSU lost to Clemson and Florida lost to South Carolina, so both teams are now 3-6 and lining up for an epic battle worthy of the 2008 worm-ridden Apple Cup.
Next week things slow down a bit as the SEC goes back to its patsy schedule and everyone gets ready for Thanksgiving and rivalry week. See you soon!