2017 Week 4
September 27, 2017
We're less than a week away from October, when the leaves start to turn, the air gets crisp, and Tennessee gets eliminated from the SEC race. I'm still not sure what to make of the Vols. They had an exciting last minute victory over something called "UMass", which apparently is a new Catholic school somewhere in New England. You'd think Tennessee would do better, given that they have a coach with such extensive SEC experience in LSU legend Burt Jones.
Speaking of the Bayou Bungholes, they were visited by the Syracuse Orange Testicles but held off a late rally to win 35-25.
In a Southeastern Conference league matchup the Florida Gators came from behind to beat Kentucky for the 73rd straight time, 28-27. Kentucky missed a possible game-winning field goal at the end, which would be much more upsetting news in Lexington if it was a basketball game.
Speaking of basketball scores, Duke won an early battle vs. North Carolina, 27-17. That's a bit low-scoring for an ACC game, usually those hoopsters get scores in the 30's or even 40's.
I was saddened to learn that my daughter, Beth Cook, got scored on 26 times by a bunch of bison. Honey, that's simply disgusting.
South Carolina came back from a 13-0 4th quarter deficit to beat the pride of Gaul, La Tech, 17-16. I haven't seen a Frenchie blow something that badly since "Last Tango in Paris".
There were still some good intersectional games. The University of Texas at Houston went out to Tucson and beat Arizona 30-24. U.T.A.H.'s crosstown rival, however, stayed in league and lost a tough one to Texas Tech, 27-24. Elsewhere in the SWC, Texas A&M beat R Kansas in overtime.
Florida State continues to struggle, losing 27-21 to North Carolina State. Oklahoma State was upended by the TCU Horny Toads.
One of the more exciting shootouts of the weekend occurred in Waco, where winless Baylor fought valiantly against #3 rated Oklahoma, losing 49-41. #5 Southern Cal knocked off one of its satellite campuses, regular Cal, 30-20.
The most exciting finish occurred in Iowa, when Penn State scored on the final play of the game to defeat the Huckeyes.
Meanwhile, the most entertaining game for us up here to watch was Notre Dame's 38-18 win over the Michigan State Fighting Chippewas. Coach Ara has now gotten past the probationary period and is free to join us college football figures. So we made sure to have him sit with MSU legend Duffy Daugherty.
Duffy had been waiting a few decades for Ara's arrival and gave Coach Parseghian a welcoming gift, a beautiful tie. Then Coach Hayes, ever the instigator, said "yeah, Ara, it's because you were such a panty-waist in that game", then he started laughing, said "just kidding", and clubbed Ara in the head.
After that Coach Hayes and Coach Schembechler took fellow former Miami coaches Ara, John Pont, and Sid Gillman off into another room where they broke out the bocce balls and lobbed them at each other's laps to start a round of "ball buster". I don't know why they call Miami of Ohio the cradle of coaches, from what I saw it's more like the crushing of crotches.
Next week we have some scintillating matchups like USC visiting the Pullman Pirates, Georgia going to Tennessee, and Ohio State at Rutgers. Talk to you soon!