2017 Week 5
October 4, 2017
I noted last week that October is usually the month when Tennessee gets eliminated from the SEC race, but that elimination came a week early. Georgia clobbered the Vols 41-0. I'm not saying it was total domination, but when I saw the school's mascots, UGA and Smokey, late in the game, well, I've never seen a bulldog wearing a strap-on before.
Tennessee wasn't the only SEC team a 'hurtin. LSU lost to the Men of Troy, 27-24. That was quite a turnaround for the Trojans, as they lost up at Washington State the night before. That was a pretty rough outing for USC quarterback Sam D Arnold as he bobbled the ball at the end as if it had been greased up by his corpulent actor father Tom Arnold.
Notre Dame had a big 52-17 home win over Miami. Things have sure gone downhill for the Canes.
In the Midlands Texas Tech looked to pull the home upset but fell short against the Oklahoma State Cowboys. Baylor put on another game effort but lost to a road game in the Show Me State to the Wildcats of Kansas City State.
The biggest blowout of the day occurred at Jordan-Denny Stadium in Tuscaloosa, as Nick Satan's Crimson Tide annihilated Ole Southern Miss 66-3. I haven't seen a bunch of Rebels get routed like that since the days of William Tecumseh Sherman.
My Pitt Panthers had an easy win over the correspondence school students of Rhode Island Continuing Education. Texas A&M won a tight non-conference tilt against South Carolina. In conference action, the Iowa Huckeyes lost narrowly at Michigan State's Fighting Chippewa Stadium.
Speaking of the Big Ten, there was some controversy a week ago after Michigan's win at Purdue. Veteran Michigan coach Jack Harbaugh complained about the facilities at Ross-Ade Stadium. Apparently the visiting locker room was heated to 120 degrees, the visiting benches had spikes sticking out of them, and the team bus tires were slashed.
Back in the olden days visiting teams weren't even lucky enough to have locker rooms. This all began to change after a game in the early 1920's.
The University of Chicago was hosting cross-state rival Illinois in a Big Ten showdown. Two coaching legends faced off, with the Illini being coached by Bob Zuppke and the Maroons coached by Anus Alonzo Stagg.
As I noted, Chicago did not have a locker room at its stadium. This meant the Illinois team had to get dressed in a gravel parking lot next to the stadium. At the same time, Chicago provided Illinois some sandwiches and jugs of water. Coach Stagg, always looking for an edge, laced both the sandwiches and water with castor oil and radium.
That combination caused some real gastric problems for the Illinois players. One Illini player in particular, the greatly renowned Red Grange, ended up having a major "accident" right next to the stadium, leaving a very large pile. His skin looked very pale afterwards and he quickly raced from the scene, which earned him the nickname "Galloping Ghost".
The pile itself was so odiferous that many people fainted and others fled the area. Eventually soldiers wearing gas masks left over from the Great War built a brick structure around the pile. After that the Big Ten decided that players needed enclosed areas in which to shower, change clothes, and use the bathroom. Schools were also barred from supplying food or liquids to visiting teams to avoid another "explosive" incident.
As for the University of Chicago, the new stadium addendum around Red Grange's pile became famous for other reasons. You see, even 20 years later nobody dared to enter the enclosure, until some scientists doing research on campus noticed that the pile was setting off their Geiger counters. One of them, Enrico Fermi, then carefully entered the room in a protective outfit and realized the potential. You see, Red Grange's pile was radioactive and, after sticking some rods into the pile, Professor Fermi was able to produce the first nuclear chain reaction. So U-Chicago's lack of a locker room actually indirectly led to some great advances in research, thanks to Red Grange's alimentary canal.
And now you know the rest of the story.