2017 Week 6
October 10, 2017
We had some real humdingers last weekend. Great rivalries, fantastic finishes, you can't beat college football in October. Well, unless you're really into NBA exhibition games, now that's what I call excitement.
In an old-time 90's rivalry, Miami held off Florida State 24-20. The Noles couldn't even get close enough on the scoreboard to miss one wide right.
TCU won a close intersectional game against Western Virginia, 31-24. Meanwhile WVU's cross-state rival Virginia Tech had little trouble up at Boston College. BC is still struggling to get competitive again after dropping football a few years ago.
The LSU Fighting Tigers behind Coach Ogre won a tight one at Florida Field, 17-16. Syracuse upended my Pitt Panthers. Memphis sent Yukon back to the Klondike, winning 70-31.
There were two big upsets. Iowa State outscored Oklahoma 38-31 in Norman of all places to really upend the race in the Big Eight. Michigan State went down the road to Ann Arbor and won a rainy defensive struggle against Michigan 14-10. It was a huge win for the Fighting Chippewas.
I was lucky enough this weekend to hang out with some famous old time coaches and even a few celebs to watch all the action.
Coach Bryant joined me at one point to watch two of his former teams clash in State College Station PA. The Tide built up a nice lead and held on to take care of A&M, 27-19. He's still convinced that A&M needs to head back to Junction to toughen up a bit by running through high voltage barbed wire.
Perhaps the wildest game took place between Western Michigan University and Buffalo. The game went seven overtimes! Now I'm still a bit confused about these overtime rules. One team would score, then the other team would score twice, then the first team would score twice, it was like watching my daughter Beth Cook hanging out with a couple frats. Anyway, finally the Bills kicked a FG and then Western went for a touchdown and they decided that was enough and declared Western the winner, 71-68. Someone said that was a MAC basketball score, but MAC basketball teams play defense about like the Pac 8 football teams do, 71 points is pretty low for MAC hoops.
The oddest play occurred during the second overtime, when Western Michigan, trailing 38-31, scored to re-tie the game. The guy who caught the pass was jumped on by his drunken coed sister, who planted a big one on his cheek. Just then Duffy Daugherty came by and said "see, I told you a tie is like kissing your sister!" Duffy was always a man ahead of his time.
In the middle of the afternoon a bunch of us watched the Fighting Irish visit North Carolina. I must say I saw some things on the sidelines that I have never seen before. No, I'm not talking about Coach B Kelly and his blood pressure, Notre Dame had an easy win so he looked fine and relaxed.
No, what I'm talking about is the North Carolina mascot. The animal they have on the sidelines that they call "Rameses".
At first the dangling sack reminded me of what happened when I once filled my colostomy bag. I was in severe pain just watching him waddle down the sideline.
After that we were more fascinated by the ram than by the game. We were hoping Jackie Sherrell was around us to discuss how to take care of the problem, but it turns out Jackie's not dead yet. I'm hoping North Carolina has to play at Colorado sometime because Rameses would provide the best-ever Rocky Mountain Oysters.
Joan Rivers came by and said "Rameses clearly inspired George Clooney to get that scrotal tuck". Personally I'm wondering if Purdue Pete is jealous.
My one disappointment was that the human costume-wearing Rameses mascot didn't have anything hanging from his groin. If he had a couple 12-pound bowling balls stuffed in a bag dangling as he patrolled the end zone he'd be far more intimidating.
Eventually, watching them sway back and forth, I started to become sleepy. Next thing I knew, I woke up when that prankster Coach John McKay told me to do so. I looked down and they'd attached a leather bag filled with a couple bocce balls to my waist. I got up and it was like one of those pendulums, I'd take one step and it would bounce against one thigh then take the next step and it would smack the other one. My good friend Mae West said "now you know why I get black eyes so often".
Finally the game ended and we went back to more prosaic discussions, like the whereabouts of JoePa. Nobody's seen JoePa around here. We're starting to wonder.