2023 Week 2
September 13, 2023
Now that the season is underway I'm thrilled to sit back and watch more great football action, though I must admit the schedule of cupcake games is worse than ever this year.
Fortunately while the games may not be great we do have a great place to watch them. Our quarters were remodeled over the summer. Bronko Nagurski led the effort. We had some new arrivals so he basically told them it was part of the initiation to help fix up our gathering spaces. He really put Jim Brown and Conrad Dobler to work, but Conrad is still a mean SOB. Next thing you know he bit a chunk out of Y A Tittle's arm and was gouging out Merlin Olsen's eye. Fortunately in the afterlife those things regenerate so Y A and Merlin are fine, but it was a bit annoying.
Meanwhile two other newbies we thought would be of help, Bud Grant and Joe Kapp, started brawling. I guess they're still sore about Joe's contract holdout in Minnesota a few decades ago. It all got really nasty when Bud told Joe "your coaching career was about as lousy as your acting career", then Joe mentioned the Vikings' Super Bowel record and the fight was underway. Fortunately they both calmed down once they were given some tequila and that was the end of that.
On the field the biggest game was in Tuscaloosa where Steve "Cutty" Sark and his Texas Longhorns stuck it to Nick Satan and the Crimson Tide, winning 34-24. Bama just didn't look like its normal self. And now at least we can declare that Texas is back, at least until they drop one to Wyoming or Sark goes on a bender.
Notre Dame overcame NC State and a long lightning delay to win 45-24 in Raleigh. Other ACC teams had similar weather delays and similar defeats as Virginia Tech lost at home to Purdue and some guy named James Madison beat the University of Virginia Hokies.
There were some good intersectional matchups. The University of Miami pulled away from Texas A&M to win 48-33. Other than the Longhorns it was a rough day for Loan Star State teams on the road as Texas Tech lost at Oregon and the University of Houston took a long trip to New England only to lose to Rhode Island Continuing Education 43-41.
Pitt lost to the Cincinnati Bearcats 27-21 after a bunch of miscues, which means yet another rough start of the Big East season for my Panthers.
On the cupcake side of things, Colorado beat up on Nebraska-Omaha 36-14. And I tuned in and saw Penn State destroying Michigan's winged-helmeted JV team 63-7.
One of the more fun matchups was Illinois' visit to Lawrence to take on the Jayhawks. When you think about the coaching legends in KU history, what comes to mind to me is their gravitas, especially Coach Mangino and Coach Charles White, who both seemed heavy enough to have satellites orbit them. So I'm glad that Illini Coach Butthead was able to wobble along their sideline.
Iowa held off Iowa State 20-13 in front of half a dozen presidential candidates. I'm not sure why candidates go to football games to campaign. If someone tried to shake my hand while I was trying to watch a crucial third and 8 play I'd boot his gonads hard enough that they'd come out of his throat.
Well I was hoping for better matchups next week but, when I look at the schedule, it's still mostly mismatches.
I definitely am looking forward to the Pitt/Western Virginia backdoor brawl in Morgantown, as well as USC visiting UGA and Tennessee at Florida.
But I'm disappointed that we won't see the most fascinating matchup due to a coaching change. I planned to watch the Michigan State Fighting Chippewas host Washington because I wanted to know whether now-suspended coach Mel Tucker would be able to beat Penix.