2023 Week 5
October 3, 2023
We're finally through September and it was good to see some actual top conference games last weekend.
One of the better games was top-ranked Georgia's 27-20 comeback win over the Auburn Tigers. Auburn put up a great effort to take an early lead, but then couldn't stop Georgia tight end Brock Bowers, who raced through the Auburn defense for the game-winning TD. I haven't seen a load go 40 yards that fast since that time my frat brothers spiked my martini with Milk of Magnesia.
Elsewhere in the SEC, the most exciting game was Ole Southern Miss pulling out a wild 55-49 win over LSU in a game that featured over 1,300 yards of offense. The game ended with an LSU incompletion in the end zone. Fortunately for the hometown fans, this time no Ole Southern Miss player lifted his leg to pretend to urinate like a canine, the way one did a few years ago after scoring late against the Mississippi State Bulldogs. Then again I'm not sure how LSU Tigers urinate anyway. Based on the infamous B Kelly videos I'm thinking teenagers are involved.
We had a special guest cheering on the Bayou Bengals. LSU's best wide receiver is Malik Nabors and, believe it or not, he's the grandson of singer/actor Jim Nabors.
So when Jim stopped by I asked "what's brown and served in the military?" He said "I give up". I said "Gomer's pyle". Then Jim looked kind of angry and he kicked me in the jimmy and said "surprise surprise surprise". I said "thank you" as the kick helped loosen an obstruction. Pretty quickly Jim fainted from the smell. We sure do have fun up here during football season.
Kentucky beat Florida for the third time in a row, which is their longest winning streak against the Gators since the Bear Bryant era. Bear was up front hooting and hollering. His former teams had a very good weekend - the Maryland Twerps clobbered Indiana behind Cello Tuiasosopo. Kentucky beat Florida. The Texas Aggies pounded R Kansas in SWC action, and Bama had little trouble with Mississippi State. Afterwards Bear just sat back sipping on a mint julep.
Meanwhile Coach Hayes was zonked out on a couch. Woody was racing around like a maniac during last week's ND/OSU game but he has been nearly comatose ever since. I think he still has blood sugar issues.
The Irish bounced back from the last second defeat against the Huckeyes to pull out an exciting win at Duke thanks to a 4th and 16 conversion. In other basketball school defeats Texas blew out Kansas, but the Jayhawks definitely look a lot better than they did during the Les Miles and Charles White eras.
Southern Cal went up to play the Colorado Prime Timers in a 10 a.m. Mountain Time game and CU finally woke up, like most Boulder stoners, around noon local time to make it a close finish, with the Trojans prevailing 48-41.
We are seeing more and more games on streaming services, usually crappy games involving Rutgers. Last Thursday I tuned in some Amazon channel expecting to see some Julie Newmar movies. Instead I saw an NFL game involving Jacksonville and Houston - and Jacksonville was coached by former college coach Dick Rodriguez. You'd think that, after the whole R Ban Meyer scandal, Jacksonville would stay away from another college coach like DickRod. And I'm not sure why the Oilers were wearing uniforms from the Sam Houston Institute of Technology. Maybe it was a tribute to the historical legacy of S.H.I.T. football.
The biggest snoozefest of the week, one that should have been banned from airing during family hour on NBC, was Iowa's 26-16 win over Michigan State. There was one offensive touchdown, 8 field goal attempts, and 13 punts. I haven't seen so much pointless kicking of some pig skin since the time Roseanne Arnold fed Mr Ed some amphetamines.
October means we're heading into the meat of conference season. It will all start at the Texas State Fair with the Red River Shootout, followed by a football game between Texas and Oklahoma. Talk to you next week!