2024 Week 4
September 25, 2024
The weekend started off with a bang when Illinois went into Lincoln and knocked off the Nebraska Cornholio 31-24 in overtime.
Now I'm still a bit confused about these overtime rules. Illinois went first and got a touchdown. Then they decided to give Nebraska a turn and their pretty boy quarterback kept on getting plowed into the turf. After the third time the QB got sacked he and his team just gave up and left the field, I guess I can't blame him, he was taking a pounding.
Actually the repeated failure to block and the devastating quarterback hits looked like a scene from that prison documentary film that featured Coach Corso's buddy Burt and Illini legend Ray Nietzsche. I know Ray left the mortal coil a quarter century ago but I haven't seen him around here. The management here doesn't take too kindly to that "God is dead" stuff.
There was an exciting finish in Anne Arbor as Michigan scored late to defeat Southern Cal 27-24 as their big halfback Kalel Mullings had a long run to set up a score. I haven't seen a load go flying that many yards since the time Coach Bryant gave Coach Hayes a cake laced with Ex-Lax.
The Western Virginia Mountain Men bounced back from their tight loss to my Panthers by scoring late to beat Kansas 32-28. Florida State, struggling at 0-3, took a step down in competition by scheduling one of the satellite campuses of UCLA, defeating something called California-Berkeley 14-9.
The Iowa Huckeyes are off to another solid start as they beat the Minnesota Golden Buffaloes 31-14 and retained the farming services of Floyd Rosedale for another year.
The University of Texas at Houston went north to Stillwater and built up a big lead then withstood a furious Cowpoke comeback and beat Oklahoma State 22-19. Regular Oklahoma had an even tougher time as the Tennessee Volunteers went into Norman and dominated the Sooners, winning 25-15. Fortunately OU can now focus on their Big Eight schedule.
North Carolina was highly touted before the season but they gave up 53 points in the first half to something called James Madison and lost the game 70-50. Clemson won a similarly high scoring tilt over North Carolina State 59-35. My good friend Dave Diles said the results sounded like basketball scores, but most ACC basketball teams rarely get out of the 40's.
In another high scoring tilt, one of the great rivalries of a century ago was renewed when Southern Methodist ran all over Texas Christian 66-42 as SMU's Brashard Smith brought back the SMU running back tradition with 3 TD runs. Speaking of the Pony Express, has anyone seen the Pony lately? I miss the Pony.
Perhaps the most surprising result occurred in Provo Utah, as Bring 'Em Young had an easy 38-9 win over highly rated Kansas City State. The crowning blow came when BEY punt returner Parker Kingston bobbled a punt around his own 10 yard line, went backwards, picked up the ball, then raced around the end, down the sidelines, and through multiple KCSU players for a thrilling 90-yard touchdown. After the long run Parker was so simultaneously delighted and fatigued that he puked on the field.
That long punt return reminded me of a kickoff return from back in 1916 when Alabama hosted Sewanee College of Tennessee in an early SEC matchup. Alabama dominated the game but Sewanee kept on stopping the Crimson Tide just shy of the end zone (reminds me of dates I had in college). Finally, after a short Alabama punt, Sewanee punched it in for a touchdown but missed the extra point and led 6-0. Alabama drove down to the Sewanee 1 but got stopped. Then they drove to the 5 and got stopped again.
Finally, with maybe a minute left in the game, Alabama punched the ball in for a touchdown. Fred Harrison Gage came on for the extra point and he was shaking with nervousness. But he booted the ball through the uprights for a 7-6 lead. The game wasn't over as there was still about 10 seconds left. Alabama still needed to kick off and Gage booted it deep. Sewanee's Neil Edmond ran the ball back from his own 5 and found a lane. He was flying down the western sideline, well past any Alabama defenders, but as he crossed midfield he slipped and fell ass over applecart as the clock ran out.
You see, like BEY's Parker Kingston, Fred Gage was both excited and exhausted after his key special teams score, and, as he returned to his bench he barfed all over the 50 yard line near his sideline. Edmond slipped in the vomit and that was the ballgame.
Excited reporters referred to the incident as the "$50,000.00 Upchuck" due to the money made by the gamblers and one of the bookies used some of his winnings to build a statue of Gage on the Alabama campus. That's why, next to the statues of Coach Bryant in his hat and Coach Nick Satan with his head spinning 360 degrees, you'll see a statue of a leather helmeted football player doubled over. And now you know the rest of the story.