Updated December 14, 2024

This season started with week zero when top 10 rated Florida State was upset by SEC South rival Georgia Tech and Southern Methodist came from behind to upend Nevada. Who would have dreamed, even after those results, that the Noles would finish 2-10 and SMU would make the BS playoff?

That's the way college football went this year. Highly rated teams like Florida State falling flat on their faces and finishing 2-10. Highly rated teams like Ohio State falling flat on their faces and finishing 10-2. Downtrodden programs like Vanderbilt and Oklahoma beating Alabama. Drama on the Gameday set after the Vandy win as Nick Satan's head spun 720 degrees then 1080 degrees the opposite direction. And I'm guessing that ESPN stagehand regrets providing Nick some pea soup.

It wasn't all upsets of course. We saw some great players and great teams. Colorado's Travis Hunter played on both sides of the ball, just like almost every player did up until 60 years ago in 1964 when I was merely a spry septuagenarian. Let me tell you, after hanging out up here, the old time "60 minutes per game" guys like Slingin' Sammy, Red, Bronko, and Psoriasis Sal are unimpressed. Then again they also played without helmets so they usually are too dim witted to react to or be impressed by much of anything.

So we've gotten through 15 weeks of college football. That's 13 weeks of football action and two 7 day periods where players set aside football and explore alternative lifestyles during their "bi" weeks.

The good news is that we are headed toward the crescendo of college football, the start of bowel season. This year there's very little time between the end of the regular season and the start of the bowels, hardly enough time for all the Western Michigan fans heading to Montomgery on Saturday to even reserve rooms at the Days' Inn.

As usual, I deeply examine all the bowels to see what pops up and here's my in-depth proctological preview of this season's bowels.

Due to the expansion of the BS playoffs, I will organize this a little differently and list the playoff games after all the bowel games. Because the playoffs are nothing more than a secondary distraction from the wonders of bowel season.

Saturday, December 14: The Salivation Bowel (Atlanta, Georgia). Jackson State vs. South Carolina State

I don't know whether the name "salivation bowel" is due to the drum majors and their exertions or the dance squads and the guys watching them. Say what you want about this matchup, they have the absolute best halftime show of any bowel game.

As for the game, Jackson State no longer has Coach Prime Directive and he took a lot of good players with him, but they'll still have enough to beat the JV cocks.

Beeno's Pick: Jackson State

Saturday, December 14: The Blue Grey Green and Brown Salute to Veterans' Bowels (Montgomery, Alabama). USA vs. Western Michigan

It's great that the first day of bowel season will feature a boxcar bowel. Usually we have to wait until we get to Shreveport or Birmingham for a boxcar game.

Western Michigan struggled a lot in the MAC while the all-American men from Mobile seemed to put it together late, thanks to freshman running back Fluff Bothwell, which has got to be the wimpiest college football name since Bumper Pool. Or his brother Bumper Bowel.

Beeno's Pick: USA

Tuesday, December 17: The Scooter's Coffee Frisco Non-Classic Bowel (Frisco, Texas). Western Virginia vs. Memphis

This game is being overshadowed by the rumors that former Western Virginia coach Dick Rodriguez will return to the Thomas Jefferson State. That could be a huge distraction for the Mountain Men so I suspect the Grizzled will take advantage. They also likely will win the game.

Beeno's Pick: Memphis

Wednesday, December 18: The Miami Chamber of Commerce Boca Raton Bowel (Boca Raton, Florida). Western Kentucky vs. James Madison

I am impressed by what JMU has done this year as they lost coach Cig and half their team to Indiana. Well, the good half of the team. But they managed to reload. Western Kentucky has bounced up and down all year and may be only the second best team located in a town called Boweling Green.

Beeno's Pick: James Madison

Wednesday, December 18: La Gronk's Bowel (Butte, Montana). Cal vs. Nevada Las Vegas

I give Gronk credit for sponsoring a bowel in Butte. The Cal Golden Hippies haven't done well in recent years, in fact I don't know if they've done well since the days of Erin Rogers. Whatever happened to her anyway? UNLV has been a pretty good mid major the last few years and they're a wild team to watch on offense.

I have to give the edge to the team who played the tougher schedule, so I'm going with the Pac-8.

Beeno's Pick: Cal

Thursday, December 19: The New Orleans Bowel (New Orleans, Gulf of Mexico). Georgia Southern vs. Sam Houston Institute of Technology

Todd Helton has made a good comeback from his days struggling at Southern Cal. Of course it helps that he went to one of the most incognito schools in division 1 not named Kenesaw State. It is interesting that so many previously unknown college football teams are in the Peach State, like Georgia Southern, Kenesaw State, Georgia State, and Georgia Technological Institute.

Their opponent is very well known as the college is a favorite of 8th grade boys everywhere. Heck I even hear kids all the time yelling out the school name. Sam Houston would be really proud to know he's part of the best known college acronym this side of UCLA and Florida Undergraduate College.

Beeno's Pick: S.H.I.T.

Friday, December 20: The Avocados from Napoli Curio Bowel (Roma, Italy). Ohio vs. Jacksonville

I think it will be a bit of a culture shock to have teams from Ohio and Florida competing in the Eternal City. I don't know if they serve good BBQ there for the Southerners and, as for the Ohio fans, I'm guessing Italy isn't a great place to find meth.

Both these teams were surprisingly good but I think the hangover from previous coach will harm Jacksonville. They probably never should have hired R Ban Meyer.

Beeno's Pick: Ohio

Friday, December 20: The Gasparilla Pirate Booty Bowel (Tampa, Florida). Florida vs. Tulane

At least for once Florida isn't playing a bowel game in their home stadium, the FU Gator's Bowels. They'll still be in state, but down in the land of the pirate ship. Tulane shocked Southern Cal in a major bowel game a couple years ago but they've fallen off a bit. Which worked out well because instead of being stuck in a silly playoff they'll get to go to a midweek bowel in an NFL stadium. That's far preferable.

Beeno's Pick: Florida

Monday, December 23: The Myrtle Beach Boxcar Bowel (Myrtle Beach, South Carolina). Coastal Carolina vs. Texas-San Antonio

The bad news for Texas-San Antonio is that they'll have to play Coastal Carolina in their home stadium on Myrtle Beach. The good news is that the stadium holds about 5,000 which equates to 2,000 of me, so the crowd won't be too intimidating. Unless someone has cloned me and all the new Beenos eat the pregame meals and Dutch oven the place.

Beeno's Pick: Coastal Carolina

Monday, December 23: The Famous Anus Potatoe Bowel (Boise, Idaho). Northern Illinois vs. Fresno State

Northern Illinois' claim to fame this year is that they beat Notre Dame. Fresno State's claim to fame this year is that they nearly beat Hawaii. My claim to fame this year is that I can't wait to watch these two teams play on a blue field and chow down French fries afterward. Actually I just want to watch them eat the fries, I can skip the game.

Beeno's Pick: Northern Illinois

Tuesday, December 24: The Netflix Hulu Bowel (Honolulu, Hawaii). Stan Jose State vs. South Florida

It's a long tradition in America - change the channel from the Midnight Mass at the Vatican and watch the Hulu Bowel. Stan Jose State is becoming a frequent visitor to Honolulu while South Florida would probably rather be in Montgomery. South Florida has fallen off from some of their prior greatness and they'll fall off even more when they lose to a commuter school.

Beeno's Pick: Stan Jose State

Thursday, December 26: The Quickie Lane Bowel (Detroit, Michigan). Pitt vs. Toledo

I've harped for years about trying to close out the season strong. Instead my Panthers, who opened 7-0, finished at 7-5.

Their reward for their nosedive is spending Christmas and the day after Christmas in downtown Detroit playing a local team from Toledo Michigan. Fortunately they'll likely do the most they can to make short work of the Mud Rockets so they can head back to the excitement that is Pittsburgh.

Beeno's Pick: Pitt

Thursday, December 26: The Guaranteed Hate Bowel (Phoenix, Arizona). Kansas City State vs. Rutgers

Now this is a matchup I can get behind. The pride of the NBA, Avery Johnson, against the pride of the Shore, the State University of New Jersey. You've got teams that often play home games in NFL stadiums and the bowel game is being played in an MLB stadium. So that covers a bunch of pro sports leagues, other than hockey. And I guess pro soccer. Do they still have World Team Tennis? I used to like Chrissie Everett's skirts, she should have stuck with that instead of going to Purdue and fighting Jim Rome.

As for the game, I gotta go with the Big Eight over the Big East.

Beeno's Pick: Kansas City State

Thursday, December 26: 69 Adventures with Milli Vanilli's Bowels (Mobile, Alabama). R Kansas State vs. Boweling Green

R Kansas State was so excited by surpassing boxcar bowel status that they gave Coach Butch a three year contract extension. No dollar amount was listed but I'm guessing it's got to be at least twice minimum wage.

Boweling Green had some similar success from their coach Loeffler but have yet to settle on an extension, likely because Wendy's has a manager's position open and he likely would be enticed by all the free free meals he could get there.

Beeno's Pick: Boweling Green

Friday, December 27: The People's Liberation Army Armed Forces Bowel (Fort Worth, Texas). Oklahoma vs. Navy

The Sooners, who rushed across the border in 1889 and continued to rush ever since, will probably like gobblin seamen from the Navy. OU has been up and down this year but I think they'll bring in coach Switzer to consult and will be ready for a triple option offense.

Beeno's Pick: Oklahoma

Friday, December 27: The Birmingham Bowel (Birmingham, Alabama). Georgia Tech vs. Vanderbilt

Vanderbilt quarterback Diego Pavia became kind of a folk hero for leading a win over Alabama. That was before Bama was exposed when they lost to another weak sister in Norman and missed out on the BS playoff. Similarly the Rambling Wreck had a big win over Miami that knocked the fraudulent Canes out of the BS playoff, which was a great favor to every person annoyed by Pork Faced Satan Jimmy Johnson retrospectives.

Beeno's Pick: Vanderbilt

Friday, December 27: The Marcus Liberty Bowel (Memphis, Tennessee). Texas Tech vs. R Kansas

While it's always important to avoid bowel games that are rematches of teams that played in the regular season, I do think it's odd that the Liberty Bowel people decided to schedule a Southwest Conference third place post season game. If you're going to have a conference title game, match up the top two teams, not two also rans.

The guys from Lubbock have been down since the Pirate went off to Pullman. R Kansas has been down since the final days of Darrell Broyles. But someone has to win.

Beeno's Pick: R Kansas

Friday, December 27: Billie Holiday's Bowels (San Diego, California). Syracuse vs. Washington State

This will be a fine battle between a quarterback whom Ohio State didn't want and probably regrets not having and a quarterback whom everyone will want as soon as he enters the portal, likely right after the game ends. The problem for Wazzu is that the rest of their roster pales in comparison to the Orange Testicle. And let me tell you, it's very easy to be pale in front of an Orange Testicle. Those things are intimidating.

Beeno's Pick: Syracuse

Friday, December 27: Siegfried and Roy Disemboweled (Las Vegas, Nevada). Southern Cal vs. Texas A&M

You got to love this matchup of great uniforms and strong tradition. And I'm just talking about the bands. Which reminds me, the USC band did do a song about the Crimson Tide with those Fleetwood Mick folks. And one rock and roller named Tom from Florida stopped by one day and told some stories, including ones about that band. I guess that Stevie dude from Fleetwood Mick not only could handle a drum major's mace, Stevie could suck the chrome off it. Which makes me think this Stevie dude is a pretty unhygienic guy and, keep in mind, I spent years around Coach Corso.

As for the game, I think this is another battle where all the opt outs and portal guys will make a difference. Or their absence will make a difference.

Beeno's Pick: Texas A&M

Saturday, December 28: The Bucky F'in Dent Fenway Bowel (Boston, Massachusetts). Yukon vs. North Carolina

This was to be the farewell for John Mackovic Brown and his career with Carolina, but they ended up booting him ahead of time. Which means we'll probably see Bill Belichick hanging out in his old NFL stadium, Fenway, watching his future Tar Heal team. Meanwhile you have to wonder why Yukon chose to go for a bowel so far away from the Klondike. I'll go with the east coast team.

Beeno's Pick: North Carolina

Saturday, December 28: Aaron Judge's Pinstriped Bowel (New York, New York). Boston College vs. Nebraska

Nebraska's star freshman quarterback Dom Raiola is apparently seeking NLI offers before his sophomore season. And, given that this game is in the House that Ruth Belched, I look for the Yankees to make a bid. I predict Dom will win two Heismans and a Gold Glove.

Frodo University has been up and down this year in whatever league they're playing in these days. I wouldn't be too confident in either of these teams but I have to believe Nebraska's last minute choke jobs will end at some point. Or not.

Beeno's Pick: Nebraska

Saturday, December 28: The Ron Mexico Bowel (Albuquerque, Mexico). Louisiana vs. Texas Christian

TCU coach Sonny Dykes grew up in West Texas so heading off South of the Border for a game should be old hat to him. Or old hooker to him. Those youthful initiation rituals for Tejas guys going to Mexico can be pretty extension and exhausting. While the Louisiana guys will be ready for the wild night life, I don't think they'll be ready for the TCU offense. Or the margaritas.

Beeno's Pick: Texas Christian

Saturday, December 28: The Poop Tarts from the Bowel (Orlando, Florida). Iowa State vs. Miami

Last year the Poop Tart bowel had a great post game ritual where players got to eat a huge Poop Tart. This year players will get to choose from three differently colored Poop Tarts, green, black, and brown. I'm always impressed by the bowel games and their willingness to experiment as that guarantees that bowel season will always feature new innovations like 6 foot tall walking edible poop.

This is actually one of the better bowel games. Both teams had some success although came up a bit short. Miami quarterback Cam Ward was especially impressive and I think the success will continue against the Clones.

Beeno's Pick: Miami

Saturday, December 28: The Snoop Dogg Corporate Sell-Out Arizona Bowel (Tucson, Arizona). Miami vs. Colorado State

Now this setup does confuse me. Miami will complete their game against Iowa State in Orlando then apparently will have to head to Arizona to play Colorado State. I was really concerned when I saw the ESPN schedule saying that the Orlando game starts at 3:30 and the Tucson game starts at 4:30. Then I remembered the time change so the Canes should be able to get there just in time.

Most schools would be satisfied with one bowel appearance but Miami has always done things their own way. I think they're lucky to have a relatively weak opponent and I think they'll win.

Beeno's Pick: Miami

Saturday, December 28: The Go Boweling with Kim Jong Un Military Bowel (Annapolis, Maryland). East Carolina vs. North Carolina State

These two teams open next season against each other and I guess NC State was reluctant to play in a bowel against a team they will play again in August. As for me I wouldn't care what the future held, I wouldn't play in a bowel with anyone. That double teaming stuff is for the birds. Or for those scrawny dudes who go about a buck twenty-five.

As for the game, I'm sure this will develop into a bitter rivalry as East Carolina is one of those expansion states that broke off from North Carolina, so I'm sure the schools hate each other.

Beeno's Pick: North Carolina State

Saturday, December 28: The General Santa Ana Alamo Bowel (San Antonio, Texas). Bring 'Em Young vs. Colorado

I guess Coach Prime Directive decided to punish his son the quarterback for losing to Nebraska by making him play in the Alamo Bowel. Shadeur and Travis Hunter will play and run past the pasty-faced back 7 of BEY, leading to an easy Golden Buffaloe victory. Afterward they'll celebrate at that big downtown San Antonio Taco Bell near the river.

Beeno's Pick: Colorado

Saturday, December 28: The Boxcar Bowel (Shreveport, Louisiana). Marshall I mean La Tech vs. Army

The Boxcar Bowel is definitely misnamed this year as Marshall is 10-3 and Army is 11-1 pending their game against the Navel Academy. They must be turning over a new leaf in Shreveport.

In spite of their success, Marshall's coach left for another job due to friction with the management in Huntington. I think they'll regret that, Charlie Hough was a tough grizzled knuckleballer and now they've hired some pretty boy lifelong assistant.

UPDATE - Marshall has dropped out due to half the team transferring and has been replaced by the Fighting Frenchmen of La Tech.

I predict the Army to roll over the French like it's June 1940. Except with the good guys rolling to Paris.

Beeno's Pick: Army

Monday, December 30: The Drake Music City Bowel (Nashville, Tennessee). Iowa vs. Missouri

As usual Iowa's defense was much better than the offense, they're about as unbalanced as Dolly Parton leaning forward. Sorry, folks, sometimes my humor is stuck in the 70's, as is my blood alcohol content. Missouri seemed to be having a fine year after a great season last year, but their high pre-season ranking wasn't justified. I see this as a toss-up in many ways but lean toward the Tigers because someone at some point will score and it likely will be Missouri.

Beeno's Pick: Missouri

Tuesday, December 31: The Unreliable Undercooked Steaks Outback Bowel (Tampa, Florida). Michigan vs. Alabama

These schools had a lot of turnover from last January when they met in an epic Rosey Bowel. Both schools lost their coaches to retirement, Nick Satan and Jack Harbaugh. The new guys struggled some with depleted rosters and lousy performances. Both had impressive wins and a lot of bad losses. And both have fan bases that will spend the next few months complaining about everything from transfers to assistant coaches to the limited amount of time the ACC Network devotes to talking about their team.

As of now it sounds like Bama QB Jalen Milroe will be playing and, even worse for Michigan, one of the Wolverines' QBs will be playing too.

Beeno's Pick: Alabama

Tuesday, December 31: Tony the Tiger's Bowels (El Paso, Texas). Washington vs. St. Louisville Cardinals

It's good that a fine baseball program like St Louisville can also operate a football team. If nothing else they should have a fine line thanks to roids. And by roids I mean those pills that make your testicles shrink, not the butt kind of roids. Washington also has a baseball tradition though usually people don't want to talk about the Senators.

I am looking forward to the halftime show, the salute to El Paso's sister city Juarez. Here's hoping there are no unfortunate incidents, we don't need a rerun of last year's donkey disaster.

Beeno's Pick: St Louisville Cardinals

Tuesday, December 31: The Fulmer/Carr Citrus Classic (Orlando, Florida). South Carolina vs. Illinois

South Carolina quarterback LaNorris Sellers had a couple great runs to seal an upset win over Clemson, including a twisting 25 yarder TD run. All that hard work ensured that Clemson was bounced from bowel season and stuck playing in the BS playoff.

Illinois was surprisingly good this year, especially on defense. I will be curious how Coach Butthead Bulimia prepares for the Cocks. I guess my good friend Erin Andrews may have some insights on that.

Beeno's Pick: South Carolina

Tuesday, December 31: The Overcooked Brisket Texas Bowel (Houston, Texas). Baylor vs. LSU

This will be a geographically sensible game as Waco and Baton Rouge are kind of equidistant from Houston. Coach and wrapper B Kelly brings his Bengals west on Interstate 10 while Baylor will take some back roads. This will be an intense matchup of Babtists and Cajins and I for one can't wait to see some of the food spreads at the tailgates. Well, at least the Cajin tailgates. They'll marinate everything with absinthe. Those Baylor folks won't even touch caffeine. Or is that the Bring 'Em Young folks? I always forget.

Beeno's Pick: LSU

Thursday, January 2: The Gator's Bowels (Jacksonville, Florida). Duke vs. Ole Southern Piss

It's always a great year when Coach Kiffin can assure us that we'll have some Ole Piss in a bowel. I have to respect the girls in Oxford for putting up with the scatological pleasures inflicted by the frat boys there. Meanwhile Duke has been putting together a pretty good run in football. Now I won't pretend that they're a powerhouse, but at least they're not horrible. What I'd give for Pitt to be at Duke's level. Which is one of the saddest admissions of my life.

Beeno's Pick: Ole Southern Piss

Friday, January 3: The First Responders' Bowels (University Park State College Station, Texas). Texas State vs. North Texas

Here's some more good geography. We'll have two teams meeting for the Texas JV state title as the Texas State Junior Longhorns meet expansion state North Texas somewhere around Dallas to battle it out. I'm glad that the backups for UT-Austin will get a chance to pursue glory as regular Texas opted out of the fun that is bowel season and instead are in the BS playoff, which nost people won't even watch.

Beeno's Pick: North Texas

Friday, January 3: The Coach K's Jizz Bowel (Charlotte, Carolina). Minnesota vs. Virginia Tech

I have to say, next to the edible Poop Tart, Coach K's Jizz Bowel is becoming one of the most popular traditions in college football. The postgame pouring of the jizz to give the winning coach a Coach K facial is one of the most dramatic bowel game moments year after year. I'm just glad Coach K still has enough in him to set up the postgame festivities.

In the game I expect the Golden Buffaloes to ground and pound the ball, in hopes of Coach BJ Fleck getting more acquainted with Coach K's excretions.

Beeno's Pick: Minnesota

Saturday, January 4: The Famous Toastery Bahamas Bowel (Nassau Coliseum, Bahamas). Buffalo vs. Liberty

Well, if we're going to end bowel season at some point (it breaks my heart every year when that day arrives), why not do so in resort like the Bahamas? The teams will stay warm (you'd have to believe Buffalo will likely head out about 3 weeks before the game). And it will be a great warmup for Buffalo's post-season.

Beeno's Pick: The Bills

BS PLAYOFF GAMES

Friday, December 20: Indiana at Notre Dame

As far as playoff games go I guess it's good that they set up an in-state matchup to cut travel time, I'm sure there will be plenty of buses heading up US-31 to South Bend. Though one could say it's basically James Madison U relocated a few hundred miles west along with JMU Coach Cig against the Fighting Iris.

Both schools each have just one loss and both also imported quarterbacks and both are seeking their first BS playoff victory. Notre Dame is strong on both sides of the ball but, as usual, I have questions about the efficacy of the IU D.

I see this as a classic Midwest showdown though one school has all the great coaching tradition and titles while the other has Coach Corso. I'm sure Lee will be pretty excited about this game, though the idea of him on the loose on a frigid Friday night makes me nervous for all the housewives of South Bend. And the goats.

Beeno's Pick: Notre Dame

Saturday, December 21: Southern Methodist at Penn State

These two teams are making their first BS playoff appearance, which I guess is a pretty good argument against expanding the playoff. Both have creative quarterbacks in SMU's Kevin Jennings and Penn State's duo of Drew Allar and Bo Jackson's son Pribula.

The key to the game likely will be Penn State's tight end Tyler Warren, who does it all, runs, catchs, throws, and cleans up teammate Kobe King's goal line stand projectile vomit. I'm thinking he can ease up on the latter assignment as SMU likely won't get too close to the end zone in State College Station.

Beeno's Pick: Penn State

Saturday, December 21: Clemson at Texas

This playoff game also features some fine quarterbacks as Clemson's Cabe Klubnik broke the hearts of us Pitt fans, well broke our hearts before the other final few opponents stomped on our hearts, gashed our livers, and whapped our pee-pees.

The Longhorns feature two quarterbacks just like Penn State does, with starter Quinn Ewers and backup Payton Manning the Third. They also feature some fine linemen and I expect them to roll.

Beeno's Pick: Texas

Saturday, December 21: Tennessee at Ohio State

This should be a humdinger of a game. There are some very fine skill position players, especially freshman WR Jebediah Smith of the Huckeyes. Unfortunately for him he'll be running routes for passes from Three Stooges offspring Will Howard who was last seen nyuking the ball into the turf against Michigan.

This game also features two very intense and famous fan bases. It will be quite the contrast between the backwoods tobacco chewing and drooling rubes compared to the sophisticates from rural Tennessee.

I give a slight edge to the home team.

Beeno's Pick: Ohio State

Tuesday, December 31: The Fiesta Bowel (Tempe, Arizona). Penn State vs. Boys' State

Ashton Jaunty has had an amazing year with 2,500 yards, something we haven't seen since Coach Prime Directive's brother Barry was dominating for the Cowpokes.

The Fiesta Bowel stadium is famous for wheeling in their grass field for games. So I think there's very little chance that Boys' State will be playing on a blue surface, more likely a light brown as all the exposure to the sun between games will greatly damage the turf.

Both schools have long standing reputations tied to youth. Boys' State for all the good things they've done for troubled kids and Penn State, well, let's not go there.

Beeno's Pick: Penn State

Wednesday, January 1: The Katie Couric Peach Bowels (Atlanta, Georgia). Texas vs. Arizona State

I used to enjoy talking to Arizona State legend Frank Kush when he'd come hang out here. But Frank was a bit of a hothead. He really got into it one day with Coach Bryant. All I can say is don't mess with Bear, he kind of run things up here. Haven't seen Frank around since.

ASU has one of the great stories with versatile back Cam Skattebo. But Texas has a lot of defensive speed so they should be able to force ASU to rely on their quarterback Sam Leavitt. The Horns meanwhile will gain from their experience in Atlanta vs Georgia and will be ready for any field goal shootout.

Beeno's Pick: Texas

Wednesday, January 1: The Rosey Bowel, presented by Cologuard (Pasadena, California). Ohio State vs. Oregon

I'm glad to see one BS playoff game that looks normal with a Big Ten vs Pac-8 showdown in Pasadena. These two teams met in an early non-conference matchup in Eugene, with Oregon holding on for a 1-point win. Roman Gabriel and Bob Dillon's grandson Dillon Gabriel has led Oregon to an undefeated season and they'll get a chance to advance to the semis in the shadow of the San Gabriel Mountains. I think they'll have the edge over the Huckeyes.

Beeno's Pick: Oregon

Wednesday, January 1: The Brazilian Wax Sugar Bowel (New Orleans, Gulf of Mexico). Notre Dame vs. Georgia

The injuries keep piling up for the Bulldogs. Quarterback Carson Beck has an elbow injury that looked like what happens when one of your friends takes a sledgehammer to your forearm. Not that I'm recommending that. Then his backup Gunner Stockton got his skull rocked. That looked like what happens when one of your friends takes a sledgehammer to your head. Also they lost their punter to a leg injury. Which looked like what happens when one of your friends takes a sledgehammer to your knee.

Maybe I need some new friends.

As for the game, I think, injuries aside, it will be a tight physical game on the line of scrimmage. I'm guessing the three weeks off helps the Dawgs heal up just enough to pull out a tight win.

Beeno's Pick: Georgia

Thursday, January 9: The Beta Carotine Orange Bowel (Miami, Florida). Penn State vs. Georgia

For some reason they aren't specifying which New Year's Bowel winners are playing in which BS semi-finals so I'm just going to guess which teams get to play in the Orange Bowel. Of course I'm guessing on all these games so why not guess on the setup too.

Georgia and Penn State haven't played much over the years but their matchup in the 1983 Sugar Bowel was an all-time classic as the Lions held off #1 Georgia to win their first national title over Herschel Walker and the Dawgs.

I'm not seeing as much talent on the field this time for either team and my gut tells me that Georgia wins another tight one. My gut also tells me it's time for a breakfast of Metamucil and Corn Flakes. My gut says a lot of weird stuff.

Beeno's Pick: Georgia

Friday, January 10: The Tampax Cotton Bowel Classic (Arlington, Texas). Texas vs. Oregon

This should be a fine matchup on many fronts. We're gonna see some classic mascots, like the Oregon Beaver and Texas's cow, Beavis. They also have famous sideline mascots in billionaire Phil Knight and the heir to my good friend Foster Brooks Matthew McGonaughey.

As for the game, I think Texas hasn't seen speed like that of Oregon's whirling dervish Taz Johnson, so I have to give the edge to the green and gold or black and green or yellow and garotte, I forget what colors Oregon wears these days.

Beeno's Pick: Oregon

Monday, January 20: The BS Championship Game (Atlanta, Georgia). Oregon vs. Georgia

Well, after a full month of BS and a BS playoff, we'll finally get to see them crown a winner of this peculiar 12 team tournament. I've got it as being the SEC champ Georgia against Oregon, winner of the Pac-8. I'm sure others of you have it being a rematch of last week's fine game between the ACC champion Clemson and SWC runner-up SMU. That's why this will be fun, none of us will be right and we can all make fun of other people for being idiots, which is what the Internets is all about.

I'm thinking this will be a high scoring game with Oregon pulling away in the 4th to take the bracket title. Then once that's done we can start speculating about more important matters, like which teams are going to play in (and which third rate ESPN crew will cover) the 2025 Gasparilla Bowel.

Beeno's Pick: Oregon