2025 Week 13
November 24, 2025
Well, we're almost through with MACtion and we did get past SEC cupcake week.
But let's salute the performance of the week, by the Syracuse Orange Testicle.
We had a special guest hanging out with us Saturday, Syracuse legend Jim Brown. Jim often keeps to himself so we don't see him much, but he came by as he wanted to sit with his old rival Paul Hornung to watch Syracuse take on the Fighting Irish.
The Syracuse ball control offense did a fine job of keeping the Irish offense off the field, they chewed up 8 minutes of the clock before Notre Dame even had a snap from center. Jim, an old school guy who values time of possession over these fancy new anal stats, was clapping his hands each time Syracuse threw a pick six or had a punt blocked as that meant his team kept running plays from scrimmage. He was also excited because when Notre Dame got the ball they had two drives of less than one minute.
By late in the first quarter Syracuse was winning the time of possession battle 11:19 to 1:28. It's been a long time since there's been such domination of that key statistic. I tried to tell Jim that Syracuse trailed 35-0 at that point, but he replied that not only did Syracuse have more time of possession, they also had 6 drives to Notre Dame's 2, so they were getting more opportunities as well.
Jim was so happy with this performance that he was celebrating every long Irish run as it meant Syracuse would get the ball back. His alma mater finished the game with a nearly 42-18 minute time of possession edge.
Meanwhile, as Notre Dame rolled to a 70-7 victory, Paul Hornung was laughing so hard that he nearly wet himself. Jim said "what's so funny, Paul?". Paul said "Notre Dame is destroying the Orange Testicle". Next thing I knew Jim said "you want to see a destroyed testicle" and Paul was soon doubled over. I don't think we'll be welcoming Jim back again.
There were some pretty exciting conference matchups on Saturday. Oregon outscored Southern Cal 42-27 and seems in control of the Pac-8 race. Oklahoma had a great defensive effort against Missouri and has to be the favorite in the Big Eight. And Texas, behind quarterback Peyton Manning III, really piled up the points against R Kansas and are all set up for a showdown against Texas A&M for the SWC title and a spot in the Cotton Bowel.
Also in the Loan Star state, Kansas City State blew a late 10-point lead and fell to the University of Texas at Houston. U.T.A.H. is putting together another fine season.
Coach Prime Directive put up a good fight against the Sun Devils before Colorado fell 42-17. Wisconsin upset Illinois 27-10 to win the rather poorly named Bert Bulimia Bowel.
The Vanderbilt Commodes continued their excellent season, flushing Kentucky 45-17. Duke had a late score to knock off rival North Carolina 32-25 and keep coach Belichick from bowel action this year unless his girlfriend gets out her special beads.
Foreign teams did well. Florida Atlantic was upended by Yukon 48-45. I still don't get why those two play, it would make much more sense geographically if the Huskies from Whitehorse played Florida Pacific. Also the Fighting Frenchmen of La Tech extinguished Liberty's flame, 34-28. Next week La Tech will try to squash Egalite U.
I am very excited that my Panthers put on a great performance in beating highly rated Georgia Tech, 42-28. We might be BS playoff bound if only we hadn't done so badly in the Backdoor Brawl in Western Virginia. My good friend Burt Reynolds said "believe me Beeno, you ain't see an actual backdoor brawl" and started making noises like a pig having its wing-wang squeezed. I don't understand Burt at times.
Speaking of BS playoffs, it's time for rivalry week. Now we always hear about the big games, the Iron Bowel, Michigan vs. Ohio State, the Egg Bowel. But let's not forget some of the other matchups, like the Island of Misfit Toys battle between Oregon State and Wazzu. Or the corn-laden Farmer's Bowel between Iowa and Nebraska. And everyone loves to turn their attention to LA to keep a close eye on the Cheerleader's Bowel. Talk to you soon!