2026 Week 4
September 29, 2026
We are finally seeing some fine conference action.
I enjoyed watching LSU take out their frustrations on the Texas Aggies, blowing out the SEC newbies by a 35-6 score. Bouncing back from a tough loss is a specialty for veteran coaches like Monty Kiffin. Meanwhile I wouldn't say that Aggie Coach Elko is in trouble but if he loses to Pig Sooey next week he'll be squealing like that Bobby guy.
Speaking of backwoods Georgia events, the Bulldogs sure lay a hurting on the Sooners. Good thing that Coach Venables had his lawyers handle his brand spanking new extension because John Mateer would have tossed it away.
I'd like to send congratulations south of the border to New Mexico, who beat rival New Mexico State 47-18. I admit it's been difficult to get used to these foreign college teams playing our sport, but I guess times change.
The Oklahoma State Cowpokes continued their excellent start with a fine 41-24 come from behind win over Western Virginia in Morgantown. Usually it's Mountain Men poking cows from behind not the other way around.
In the Thomas Jefferson State's next door neighbor, the Maryland Terrapins got bombed by UCLA 54-3. It must run in the family as it's a great start for Coach Cig Junior.
One of the more surprising endings occurred in Anne Arbor as Iowa won the "turnabout is fair play" bowel by scoring on the game's final play to shock Michigan, 20-19. As you can imagine, that action got some attention up here as my good friend Alex Karras was whooping it up in the hallway. Which led to Coach Bo coming out and telling him to shut up, and a wrassling match ensued. And that gave that wily ole Hayden Fry the chance to visit Bo's place and put some of his trademark pink construction paper all over the walls. Turns out management doesn't look kindly on people like Bo setting fire to the walls of their rooms so he's been put in time out for a bit.
Wisconsin overcame a 17-0 deficit and scored twice in the final four minutes to upset Penn State in State College Station 24-20. The game winning score was especially shocking as a 265 pound Badger tight end outran the Penn State secondary for a 71-yard touchdown. I haven't seen a chunky guy go on a rampage like that at Penn State since, well, let's not go there.
The most distressing play of the week occurred in Los Angeles when a USC player cheap shotted Oregon quarterback Dante Moore, then proceeded to launch a classless celebration that lasted longer than a typical Sark bender. Hopefully coach Riley Lincoln puts down Sark's old USC stash and sits his player down for a lot more than one game.
Ole Southern Piss, apparently similarly hung over after their big win last week over LSU, got shellacked down at the Swamp, losing to the FU Gators 52-28. Coach Sumrall is off to an excellent 4-0 start in Gainesville, he seems destined to follow in the footsteps of other Gator coaching legends who had similarly great debuts, like Will Muschamp (4-0), Jim McElwain (6-0), and Dan Mullen (6-1).
The Rebels' incontinent name may soon apply elsewhere as a Texas Longhorn (player, not steer) decided to imitate a living lawn sprinkler after a big play against Tennessee in Knoxville. I'm not sure about these sorts of celebrations, I know my good friend Coach Corso was always into what he called water sports, but then again I didn't always understand what Lee was talking about.
In any event, Texas held off a late Tennessee comeback to win 20-17 and likely continue as the "#1" team in the country. I'm not even sure who "#2" is, but the Washington Huskies have sure played like it.
We're almost to October and I'm sure looking forward to some of the upcoming matchups, like Miami at Clemson, Notre Dame at Jordon's boyfriend, and the Huckeye vs Huckeye battle in Iowa City. Talk to you soon!