My Friend Dave Diles
September 16, 2004
The studio shows have changed a lot since the early days. Back then you had tough-minded football honchos giving the scores and showing some great Marlboro commercials. Now you have a bunch of loudmouths in frilly dresses like my good friend Lee Corso.
My personal favorite from the old days was the first host we had on ABC's "Prudential Scoreboard", who went by the stage name of David Diles.
David looked quite sharp in his stylish haircut and yellow ABC blazer set against a soft Carolina blue backdrop. In fact, on those occasions where I appeared with him, similarly styled, our faces stood out so much against the background that they referred to us as "talking heads". I heard that term used again a couple years ago when I wore my now infamous black shirt in front of a black background. I hadn't realized how much my goiter had grown over the years.
David was a fine host, he could spit out those scores like sunflower seeds. The problem with David was that he would chain-smoke cigarettes when the camera wasn't on him. So he'd be sitting there, then say "and now over to you, Beeno, for your commentary on the Rice vs. Texas Tech showdown".
Then I'd start explaining how Tommy Kramer was going to win three Heisman trophies, and meanwhile this huge cloud of smoke would be floating over to me and I'd start coughing up part of a lung. Let me tell you, those network executives did not like their expensive oak desks covered with pieces of my lungs.
They finally got David to stop smoking on the set, but that just meant his hands had nothing to do. So since he wasn't allowed to burn cigarettes, he started lighting other things on fire, like the sheets on which the scores were listed. He'd just sit there, mesmerized by the flame, and then he'd blow it out and start making up scores.
Finally there came a day where Mississippi State pulling a shocking upset over Bear Bryant's Alabama squad. I said that this was a once in a lifetime win for Ole Miss State. I turned my head and David had poured lighter fluid on the desk, threw a match onto it, laughed maniacally and chanting "once in a lifetime" while dancing on the fire. I said, "David, what's wrong?" and he say "shut up, butthead".
That was enough for ABC, they escorted David from the Prudential postgame studio. While outside the building he set three cars, a row house, and one bicycle messenger on fire. Then he ran off before the police showed up.
David Diles' fire habit did lead to a change in his life after he served a few months in the slammer. He went back to his given name and wrote about his adventures at the network. He also exchanged his Prudential "piece of the rock" for a piece of that new fangled rock and roll. You see, David went back to his original name, David Burn, and formed a rock ensemble named for our time at ABC, called the "talking heads".
And now you know the rest of the story. Not to mention the origin of David's songs "Psycho Killer" and "Burning Down the House".