Beeno and Volleyball
October 30, 2003
I'm still trying to figure out these overtime games. Tennessee scored in the third overtime to take the lead in the game 40-34 but missed the conversion. Then Alabama scored and went for two instead of doing the obvious thing and kicking the extra point. Apparently they're now operating under these volleyball rules where you have to score at least 30 and win by two points.
Never understood that volleyball game. At our ESPN picnics I used to yank that metal volleyball pole out of its base (we used to sink the pole in a concrete-filled tire). Then I'd have some great fun with that volleyball that hung on the rope at the end of the pole. I'd swing the volleyball pole around and wrap that rope and the volleyball around my good friend Lee Corso's legs. Then I'd yank on the pole and send Corso crashing to the ground.
Lee started screaming "Beeno, that's not the way you play this tetherball game, here let me show you". I said "tetherball? This is a volleyball!" He said "no, Beeno, let me show you". Then he'd grab the pole, stick it back into its base, and hit the volleyball until it spun around the pole a few times. I'd say "oh, that's what you're supposed to do?" Then I took the volleyball and the rope and threw it right at Corso's head and knocked him out cold.
My good friend Chris Fowler then said "that's enough Beeno", so I yanked the pole out again and swang that volleyball on a rope around his legs, yanked up, and sent him crashing down.
Finally my good friend Herb Street said "okay, Beeno, settle down". So I said "what am I supposed to be doing? This is how I was taught to play the game". He said something about tethers and how I shouldn't wrap the rope around someone's legs. So I grabbed the pole and conked Herb on the head, and he went out cold too, so I won the game.
The next week I got my notice from ESPN that they wouldn't require my services on the Gameday show anymore.
I looked for that volleyball pole, intending to pay that twerp Michael Eisner a visit, but then I noticed that the TV was featuring a story about my good friends in Western Virginia.
It turns out that these space scientists from that astronaut organization NASCAR are going to build an elevator from Western Virginia into outer space to make it easier to launch things into space. I'd suggest that they start by launching some of those guys who were setting fires in Morgantown Virginia after that state championship game against Frank Beaner's Virginia State boys. Let's see them try to start some fires on the moon! Ha! There isn't even any decent kindling up there! They'll have to set Ned Beatty on fire!
This week I expect things to settle down a bit. Personally I'm looking forward to that ACC showdown between new ACC members Florida State and Notre Dame. Not to mention the international matchup where LSU celebrates Nick Satan's Halloween birthday with a night game against that French school La Tech.
So sit back, pour a tall one, break out that volleyball set, and pull the legs out from under that annoying neighbor before setting back for a great weekend of college football.