Beeno and the Visitors
October 23, 2008
There's been a lot of discussion on ESPN and elsewhere about "BS Busters", how that affects who will get to play in the BS Bowels.
Now I actually have a lot of experience with "BS Busters", as I actually was interviewed for an episode of "BS Busters" on that weird Showtime network that never aired.
That tall Penn State guy who sells razor blades is the host of this "BS Busters" program along with this little twerp who never talked until I kicked him in the jimmy. Then he started jumping around and talking up a storm. Don't pretend to be some deaf mute mime around me, I'll give you swelling that would make Kellen Winslow the 2nd jealous.
They put me under hypnosis to recall an incident that happened a few years ago in Pittsburgh. I had had some crappy tasting Metamucil before going to bed. I noticed my room was really bright, as if a light was shining from the outside.
Then there were these three beings who came in, wearing all white, with big eyes. They did not speak, I think they just spoke to each other through mind mold or something like that. That scared me so much I'm embarrassed to admit that I soiled myself, repeatedly.
Suddenly I was raised up in the air from my bed and flipped over. Then this metal device was stuck into my wazoo. It was really cold, almost as cold as the clammy hand of my good friend Brent Musberger. It hurt like heck, but I couldn't move.
After what seemed like forever, the probe was removed.
After telling that tale, I paused to collect myself, it was pretty traumatic. This Penn State guy said "you know, Beeno, I've always been pretty skeptical, but that was one of the most credible stories of alien abductions and anal probes I've ever heard. I think you've opened my mind on this one".
Then I said "wait, I haven't finished. After they took the probe out I was turned over again and the aliens came back in. Then the head alien said 'Mr. Cook, you had four polyps but they're all clean, see you again in two years".
After that the little twerp who hangs out with the Penn State guy came up to me and kicked me in the jimmy. Jerk.