1997 Week 2
September 8, 1997
Well, Mom and I had a great weekend watching football together. And I got all 5 legs of the turkey!! But I have to comment on some concerns I have about college football.
First, I'm glad to see Bob Davie get a win in his first game at ND. But I was more happy to see that the stands were actually full. I guess the ND supporters want to see him stay a little longer than Holtz. But I have to ask about the need to save money on the stadium design by installing a pool on the first level. I know that money is tight, but using the first floor of stadium as a lap pool does not make sense to me. And making it only a couple of inches deep made it very dangerous for diving. But in the end, Ron and the boys stuck the ball in the end zone and Bob got to go home with a smile.
As for the PSU and Pitt game (sorry, but they will always be Pitt to me), I knew JoePa didn't need any game films to win. He could have shown his players Emmanuelle 6 or even Leonard Part 6 and won that game.
But the real highlight (or lowlight) was the Florida - Semen U game that was on Saturday evening. First, why Florida booked a women's school as an opponent is beyond me. And the NCAA didn't even bat an eye.
That reminds me of the first woman who ever played college football. No, it wasn't Kathy Ireland in that movie. She could never squat the required 400 lbs. to be a ball player on those little pins she calls legs. Anyway, it was Bubba Helms which was short for Beatrice. She played Offensive Line for Sam Houston Institute of Technology back in their glory days. It's hard to believe but S.H.Ins.T. used to have the best selling collegiate merchandise. They even outsold Notre Dame with their S.H.Ins.T. t-shirts and sweatshirts.
Anyway, old Bubba looked the part of a mean tackle. She could spit and swear with the best of them and those who knew her best said that she had to shave twice a day to hide that 5 o'clock shadow. She also used to shave her face. In fact, a little known fact is that Victor Kiam guy who used to own the Patriot Missile team in the NFL tried to sign her up for an endorsement deal.
Well, one time when S.H.Ins.T. was playing the Florida Undergraduate College (which was the original name of the University of Central Florida), Bubba got to start as the long snapper because the previous long snapper had pulled something and was having trouble walking.
Just like in practice, whenever S.H.Ins.T. lined up for a punt or field goal against F.U.College, Bubba would run out on the field and squat over the ball. Now, in case you were wondering, S.H.Ins.T. would have run the shotgun if they had used her as the regular snapper. The coaches just weren't too sure about having the QB place their hands underneath the snapper.
Coaches really liked her because she went both ways. Do you remember the famous play from the movie "The Longest Yard", where Burt Reynolds threw the football at Ray Nietzsche's crotch on two consecutive plays? F.U.College tried that play once against Bubba's team. So just in case it would happen a second time, the coach of S.H.Ins.T. put Bubba in at Nose Guard. Sure enough, they tried it and that football disappeared. Ol' Bubba waddled down to the goal line and scored the only touchdown by a woman in a college game.
Well, as for Florida vs. Semen U, I was trully appalled with Steve Superior. Visor Boy kept throwing the ball deep even though no one was covering his recievers. He had a bunch of women on the field and he kept on trying to go all the way. I haven't seen this much action since Prom Night 1942. And in the end, Florida got a win, Semen U. got $350,000 and we all got bored. I can't think of a night where 85 women earned that much money since I last visited Bang Kok.
Now, as for Randy Moss, he still looks like a lock for the Heisman. In fact, I predict he will win 3 Heisman's - 2 at Marshall and one at Jackson State.