2012 Week 7
October 18, 2012
In tribute to the actual late great Beano Cook, here's some of the fake Beeno's best "I haven't seen" comments . . .
1999: [MSU's T J Duckett] I haven't seen a load like that since the last time I mixed Kaopectate and Ex-Lax.
2002: [Penn State blows out Nebraska behind Larry, Tony, and Bryant Johnson] I haven't seen a licking like that involving a bunch of Johnsons since Phyllis George's audition for "The NFL Today".
[Florida scores 3 quick TDs vs Tennessee] I haven't seen anyone put 21 on the board so quickly since the last time my good friend Herb Street played me in one on one
2003: [Oklahoma has a big win over Texas] I haven't seen a beating like that since a few weeks ago when my good friend Lee Corso took me to Madame Ovary's House of Pain.
2004: [Urban Meyer coaching Utah and Florida] I haven't seen a football figure take on such a large task at once since my good friend Jill Arrington's evening out with Rod Jeremy.
2005: [Georgia pounds Tennessee] I haven't seen someone in orange get penetrated like that since that flick where Emanuelle becomes a cheerleader at Syracuse.
[South Carolina blows out Tennessee] I haven't seen a better performance by a bunch of Cocks since Emanuelle Part VI.
2006: [6-6 teams in the Independence Bowl] I haven't seen this many boxcars since my previous career working as a greeter at the Kansas City stockyards.
2007: [Western Virginia loses to Pitt] I haven't seen a Mountaineer choke like that since Cinemax ran that hitchhiker movie marathon.
2009: [Oregon player punches a Boise State player] I haven't seen an Oregon Beaver deliver a blow like that since Ginger Rogers.
[Michigan player punches an ND player] I haven't seen an Irishman take a blow like that since Mickey Rooney's private audition with David O Selznick.
[Notre Dame personal foul against the Washington center] I haven't seen an Irishman rough the snapper like that since Fatty McArbuckle.
[Brandon Spikes pokes a Georgia player in the face] I haven't seen an eye-gouging like that since the very brief wrassling career of my good friend Dick Vitale.
[Florida 62, Florida International 3] I haven't seen a foreigner get drilled like that since Emanuelle IV.
[Alabama over Florida] I haven't seen a (Nick) Satanic beatdown of a Christ figure like that since Golgotha.
[Ndamikong Suh] I haven't seen a Viet who could slice through the line like that since General Giap.
2010: [Nebraska's win over UW] I haven't seen a Husky get pounded like that since the Michael Vick Home Movie Festival.
[LSU's fake field goal vs Florida] I haven't seen a snapper that wild and off to the right since Madame Chiang Kai-Shek.
[Oregon blows out UCLA] I haven't seen a reaming like that since the film debut of Christy Canyon.
[Wisconsin 83, IU 20] I haven't seen a shellacking like that since Paul Lynde's "Leather Party Tape 1978".
[Alabama annihilates Georgia] I haven't seen Bulldogs get pounded like that since Va Tech's 2001 football player talent show.
2011: [Miami shuts down Ohio State] I haven't watched an Ohioan fail so miserably at scoring since Warren G Harding visited my uncle's Cleveland bordello.
[big Houston win] I haven't seen a Cougar score that much since Kathie Lee Gifford's visit to ESPN studios.