2015 Week 4
October 8, 2015
This last week was a very strange one in college football.
I guess a bunch of games were affected or were changed. For instance the Michigan vs. Maryland non-conference tilt in State College Park PA was moved from evening to lunch hour. I asked my good friend Dave Diles why this was. He said it was due to Joaquin.
Now I'm not sure why they'd let some two-bit actor like Joaquin Phoenix decide when games are played. I met his big brother River Phoenix at a barbecue up here late last year. He spent most of his time yelling at us for eating meat then he'd grab Coach Hayes' buckeye tree, yank off a leaf, and try to smoke it. Bizarre guy.
Speaking of Coach Hayes, he came over to join me and Coach Leahy in watching the Notre Dame at Clemson tilt. Once Woody realized the game involved Clemson he started screaming at the TV about "that rat bastard who got me fired", then he punched the TV set, then he fell to the ground and rolled around a while. My good friend Paul Brown, who is kind of in charge of all the former Ohio coaches, said "we try to keep Woody from watching Clemson games, he's destroyed almost a dozen TVs and maybe 20 chairs while throwing things around. He sure holds a grudge".
The Irish lost the game at the end. Now I'm still trying to understand these overtime rules. Clemson went first and kicked a field goal to take the lead. Then Notre Dame scored a touchdown, so you'd think they won the game. But I guess they had the third overtime rules in the first overtime and they had to go for two and got stuffed. So Clemson won the game because I guess they were in the lead when the overtime started.
The Irish were likely doomed earlier that day. My good friend Lee Corso closed out College Gameday by getting drunk and putting on a leprechaun outfit. Greasy little guys in green stumbling on stairwells are only good luck on St. Patrick's Day, coach.
The Big Ten had a couple exciting games. Iowa beat Wisconsin 10-6 in the most exciting baseball slugfest I've seen in ages. And #1 Ohio State held off the Hoosiers with a last second goal line stand, 34-27. Buckeye halfback Elliott Ezekiel had three touchdowns for OSU as he scored by repeatedly penetrating the IU D.
In foreign action, Bring 'Em Young pulled away from the Yukon Huskies, 30-13. French school La Tech defeated their countrymen from La Lafayette, 43-14.
Even though it's October there was plenty of non-conference action stateside as well. Oklahoma had little trouble with the visitors from Western Virginia, winning by 20. My Pitt Panthers held off Virginia Tech. And R Kansas withstood a late Volunteer rally to win one for the SWC, 24-20.
Speaking of my favorite Tejas-based conference, the TCU Horny Toads ran up and down the field over Texas, 50-7. I haven't seen a Texas Aggie with so many skid marks since the time Earl Campbell ate a gallon of baked beans.
Elsewhere in Texas, the University of Texas at San Antonio had an easy win over the University of Texas at El Paso. Top 10 ranked archrival the University of Texas at Houston had the week off.
The SEC's top teams got plowed almost as badly as Texas. Nick Satan's Alabama team pounded UGA like they were Michael Vick at a vet clinic. And Florida had little trouble with Ole Southern Miss. Kentucky split its squad into two geographically distinct teams and Western Kentucky won an overtime nail-biter over Eastern Kentucky.
Out East Penn State held off Army 20-14 to take the lead in the race for the Jack Lambert Trophy. The Nittany Lions traditionally do well in the competition for the Lambert, which honors the Eastern team with the most missing teeth.
Next week features some truly exciting events in Dallas. We'll have the Red River shootout followed by a football game between Texas and Oklahoma. I plan on delivering my own room clearing Red River shootout after I eat my brunch of pickled eggs.