2016 Week 9
November 2, 2016
I am excited beyond belief about World Series Game 7 tonight. FINALLY baseball will be over for another year.
Okay, I've mentioned how one of the best things about being up here is hanging around with all the college football legends. I told you last week about watching Ohio State's loss to Penn State with Coach Hayes and how he didn't take things too well.
This week, after 6 days in purgatory (he got one day off for good behavior), Woody seemed to be in a better mood as the Buckeyes won a close home game over Northwestern, running out the clock to preserve the win. Then Woody started watching game film (even after departing the mortal coil these coaches love to watch film) on upcoming OSU opponents. He was especially interested, as both teams play OSU this month, in the Michigan Wolverines visit to play the Michigan State Fighting Chippewas.
And that's when the problem started. He got a good look at Michigan coach Jack Harbaugh and screamed "that rat bastard stole my glasses" and started punching himself in the face, until he got one good lick in and knocked himself out. So now Woody's got a concussion and he's in the infirmary and nobody knows when he'll get out.
The rest of the weekend was exciting but not nearly as violent.
People sometimes criticize the mighty SEC for their soft non-conference schedule, but let's give credit where credit is due - Mississippi State took on a tough assignment and came away with a 56-41 win over a strong program from Stanford.
In another intersectional showdown, the University of Washington flew into a very hostile metro area and came back with a 31-24 win over the University of Texas at Houston.
Undefeated Clemson held on for a 37-34 win at Florida State. I predict DeShawn Watson will win two Heisman trophies and the US Senate seat from South Carolina.
Over in Jacksonville, the Florida University continued its recent success over archrival Georgia, winning 24-10 in the FU Gator Bowel. Houston came from behind to top Central Florida 31-24.
In a rematch of the classic Catholics vs Convents game, Miami roared back in South Bend but Notre Dame kicked a late field goal for a 30-27 victory. The St. Louisville Cardinals had a solid comeback win over a game University of Virginia team. It was a bitter loss for the Hokies.
Elsewhere in the overinflated ACC, Virginia Tech held off my Pitt Panthers 39-36. Pitt did show some creativity, reaching the end zone on an end around involving a guard. I haven't seen a big person score like that then collapse since Roseanne Barr's Sex Tape.
It was a tough week for many undefeated teams. The Nebraska Cornholio visited Madison and lost in overtime 23-17. I'm still confused about these overtime rules. Wisconsin went first, made a touchdown, then missed the extra point. Then they didn't even give Nebraska a chance to kick the extra point and declared Wisconsin the winner.
The Baylor Bears had yet another rough outing against their rivals down I-35 in Austin, losing to Texas 35-34. Meanwhile Oklahoma State had little trouble with Western Virginia, winning 37-20.
But the strangest game of the day was in Wayne Laravee Wyoming, as the naughty kids from Boys' State were tied late with Wyoming, but lost on a tie-breaking safety, 30-28.
Next week we're going to have some prime matchups I look forward to the showdown between TCU and Baylor for SWC pride. Nick Satan, fresh off celebrating his Halloween birthday, heads to Baton Rouge to take on Coach Ogre's Bayou Bengals. You know what I say about LSU, they're like Dracula, they always suck the most at night.
We'll also see Nebraska visiting Columbus. I'm hoping Coach Hayes wakes up by then.