2020 Week 13
December 20, 2020
Well we finally got to conference championship weekend and we had some good games and some lousy games.
The highlight was the SEC title game between North champion Alabama and South champ Florida. Whew, what an offensive showcase. Tide running back Najee Harris had a brilliant game. I haven't seen a minion of Satan cut through levels of defense like that since "Paradise Lost".
In the ACC title game Clemson had a big win over Notre Dame, avenging an earlier defeat as teen heartthrob quarterback Joey Lawrence Jr had over 400 yards of offense. I predict Joey will win three Heisman Trophies, including two retroactive ones, and be on 7 of the next 11 covers of Tiger Beat magazine.
In the Big Ten Ohio State pulled out a tough 22-10 win against a game Northwestern team as Huckeye running back Trey Sermon put the fear of God into the Wildcats, running for over 300 yards of fire and brimstone.
So it looks like the BS playoff lineup is set now. I'll be really excited to spend New Year's Day watching the same old teams with no bands, no fans in the stands, and a few dozen key starters benched due to virus restrictions. It could be worse though, the New Year's TV lineup could involve a baseball winter classic played in the snow somewhere.
The big-name teams weren't the only ones in conference title games. Cincinnati continued a fine unbeaten schedule with a last minute win over the Tulsa Golden Shower. Backup plan Oregon jumped ahead early and held off the comeback kids from Southern Cal, 31-24 to take the Pac-8 crown.
In one of the better games, Iowa State came back from a 17-0 deficit against Oklahoma to pull within three, then gave up a field goal, then their quarterback made a throw that wasn't very purdy and was picked.
In some of the less famous leagues, Stan Jose State finished an unbeaten season with a 34-20 win against Boys' State to take the WAC. Bald State scored late to clinch a MAC championship, 38-28 over Buffalo. Don't feel bad for the losers though, Buffalo still managed to clinch their first division title in 25 years. Great job Bison and congrats on the AFC East!
One result that confused me a bit was the Big East title game. Rutgers played valiantly but fell short against Nebraska, 28-21. The Cornholio in the Big East? I guess the Huskers must have left the Big 8.
There were some trophy games as well. In the game we all were looking forward to, Wisconsin booted a field goal in overtime to beat Minnesota and to claim a piece of Paul Bunyan's Ass. Army scored in the closing seconds to beat Air Force and claim the Commander in Chief Trophy, though it's possible there will be an executive order giving the trophy to the Space Force Guardians.
One of the best finishes was Stanford's win over UCLA. UCLA blew yet another lead and Stanford was able to send the game into overtime. During the second OT UCLA's 2 point conversion failed miserably and they lost. I'm still a bit confused about these overtime rules, I thought they only went for 2 point conversions in the third and fifth overtimes then played Red Rover during the second, fourth, and sixth overtimes.
So, we're at the end of the regular season. But, fear not, we are all set to launch into something far better, with random schools that have played random numbers of games this year playing in random cities in front of several hundred random fans. Yes, it's pandemic bowel season. Given my experience with bowels during previous pandemics, I'm sure there will be explosive action.
I'll be at work today to finish up my 2020 Bowel Preview since we are just over 24 hours from the start of that finest part of the year. I'll be prepping all afternoon and hope to clear out all the crap along with a few polyps so I can present all of you a nice clean bowel preview.
See Beeno's 2020 Bowel Preview